Jillian2563

So, I've been meaning to post since February, but the app on my phone doesn't seem to be working anymore and I don't think there are any updates to fix whatever the issue is. I just got my computer set up 3 weeks ago, so now I am able to finally log on.

My sweet baby James was born February 2. The first month/6 weeks were tiring, as expected, and had some issues, but we are settled in now. The issues we had pertain to breastfeeding, so I stopped completely a month or so ago. Which brings me to where I am now, with drinking again.

My husband and I decided we would get a six pack and have one. I did that at first, he would have two, but then I am sure you know where this has led. The next night, I would have "just two" and eventually we are back to drinking everyday, feeling like crap, having a beer at 2pm to get the hangover under control. I am so ashamed of myself. I don't know why I ever picked it back up. I have been to a few meetings since the baby was born, before it got out of control, but I didn't stick with it. I feel like I do everything half assed, even when I am not drinking. And when I say everything, I mean everything; work, exercise, being a mother/wife, diet, etc. It seems as if I do just enough to get by. I hate that about me.

I had 10 months sober, and cigarette free. Now I am back to partaking daily. I am so frustrated with myself. I felt like a different person when I was sober. I am so irritable and unhappy now and I know it's b/c of the alcohol. I've also added on pounds due to excessive drinking and poor eating. I'm starting to have that uncomfortable feeling on my right side too, whether it's my gallbladder or liver, I don't know.

I am sick of the obsession and feeling like we have to have beer to have a good time.

wildflower70

Hi Jillian,

I have also had months of sobriety in the past, and more "Day 1's" than I can count. I seem to have the same pattern as you, it starts with 1-2 drinks, then has quickly escalated to 1-2 bottles of wine daily.

I have decided that today, May 1st, I am committing to staying sober forever. I know that 1 drink will never be just 1. I hope you will join me today, let's beat this once and for all!!

Cheers to a sober day!!

Anna

Hi Jillian,

Welcome back, and I'm sorry you're caught up in active addiction again. You had 10 months sober and you can do it again. It sounds like you are ready to make the changes you need to make.

doggonecarl

Is your drinking really about having a good time? Because if it is, then it means that sobriety is about not having a good time. You were sober for ten months, was that the case? Were you miserable being sober?

Jillian2563

I wouldn't say I was miserable exactly. But I did find it hard to find pleasure in certain things.

D122y

Jill,

Preaching to the choir i am sure but....

Us addicts have to fill out sober life w things we enjoy.

Working out results, sleep quality, present parenting, etc.

You are definitely not to far gone to stop and make a plan for sober living again.

10 months is a long time to be sober.

Are you taking any meds?
Thanks.

Jillian2563

No, not currently taking any meds.

doggonecarl

I think every drinker feels this way. How we get past it is what separates the recovered from the struggling relapser.

After a period of sobriety, much less than 10 months, I realized that while I might have said, "drinking makes certain situations more enjoyable," the truth was I was only deriving pleasure from the drinking. Or rather, staving off the misery of not drinking. The very definition of addiction. Once I quit deluding myself about what could or couldn't bring me enjoyment, I was better prepared for the road to recovery.

Wishing you the same.

Dee74

Welcome back Jillian

The app has been discontinued but I hope you won't let that stop you from getting the help you need.

you, and especially baby James, deserves better.

The Owners recommend the mobile version of the site now.

D

finaltime

welcome back!!! you can do this, one day at a time.

SteveAlex

Welcome back! We missed you

2ndhandrose

Welcome back, Jillian

Mizzuno

There is no one more deserving of your sobriety than your newborn.

You can do this. Get off the train and move forward.

Jillian2563

So I woke up sober. And I'm so grateful that I did. Baby James has been sleeping thru the night the past couple of weeks but he must be going through a growth spurt because he woke up at 12am, 3:30am and 6:30am. If I had drank last night, I would've dreaded getting out of bed. He's been all smiles this morning and it makes a wonderful start to an early morning. He's 3 months today!

D122y

Take care of your kids.

I have loads of regrets from being drunk or passed out while taking care of my son.

Drinking is a learned behavior. Unlearn it.

2ndhandrose

Also, congratulations on the birth of your beautiful son and happy 3 months old today to Baby James ♥

Imagine what you will miss in his life (and what he will miss from his mom) if you continue to drink.

I hope you will find a way to accept that "just" one or two drinks never happens. It feeds on itself.

I am so glad you are back, Jillian

Midwest1981

welcome back Jillian! Congrats on the new baby.

You got sober before and felt great. You can again.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you woke up sober today and welcome back. Why not use those smiles as a motivator to seek some permanent/lasting help to stay sober? I've been a hung-over/drunk/alcoholic parent to 3 kids and quite frankly it's one of the long lasting regrets that I still have not found the ability to forgive myself for. Thankfully my wife was not a drinker and carried the load for way too long while I was unavailable. Sure I was physically there, but really I was not.

Maybe a good approach would be to see your doctor again and be honest about the issue? Especially if you are feeling physical problems that might be related to the drinking.