IBOK

I hope it is okay to post here. My husband is in recovery (says he is sober for 4-5 months). He hasn't financially contributed to our family for a long time- says he will get a job but doesn't folllow through. Does is seem unrealistic too expect him to gain some sort of employment in early recovery? I would love perspective from people that have lived through recovery. Thanks!

Dee74

Hi and welcome IBOK.

I can only speak for myself - if things were tight I would want to get a job to help out. I did enough goofing off as an active alcoholic.

If he's actively been looking maybe he's been unlucky...

if he's not looking...we'd all like 6 months of no responsibility to get our recovery right but it rarely works out like that - I think it's reasonable to ask he step up his game.

D

LadyinBC

I don't think you are being unreasonable. And part of recovery is following thru on things you promise. Yes recovery is tough, but at some point we need to get back to reality.

SteveAlex

Hello and welcome, I believe 4-5 months is plenty of time to get past the worst of getting sober. He should at the very least be actively looking to contribute financially. Wishing you the best!

IBOK

Thanks for your replies. Tight would be an understatement, financially devastated by all this is closer to the case. He talks about finding a job (this has been a 3 year discussion) just limited action to make it happen.

Just doing everything I can everyday to keep my 4 kids in their school (private) they have been in for years and try and stay in our house in the short term at least for the kids. Its the only thing that's had been stable and their safe place right now. In the last year there has been IOP, AA, 40 day inpatient, relapse after relapse and currently he doesn't live in the house after "the final straw" of another incident of putting the kids in danger and a major episode.

I read on SR a lot and many of your stories give me hope for him and that my kids will have the dad they deserve..just not sure all the collateral damage can be repaired for us. Best of luck to everyone!