AV is Rearing its Ugly Head
 

I'm thinking of drinking. Well, better put, I've been thinking about drinking since yesterday and now the voice is quite LOUD. And annoying... but it is there.

I went to two meetings yesterday and was able to get through the evening by telling myself, "I can't drink today, maybe tomorrow, but definitely not today."

I plan on going to a meeting in an hour but I have consumed alcohol after a meeting in the past so I am weary of the urge to drink.

I'd rather speak up this time rather than attempt to ignore the urge.

Maybe some chocolate in the meantime.

Ugly is the right word for the AV. Stand strong. You are doing the right thing posting here and attending meetings.

YOU --> :a043: <--- AV

Definitely some chocolate and buy some ice cream if a meeting might trigger then i suggest not going if you know you won't drink at home but if your still not sure just go to the meeting share exactly how your feeling ask for help after the meeting I'm sure someone will have coffee or a chat

Whatever happens it's just an urge a thought a thought that will destroy everything you're trying to build

And know you have us right in your corner bud good job checking in

Hi newhope,

In AV terms, I believe the statement, "I been thinkin-bout-drinkin" actually is correctly stated, 'my AV has been screaming for a drink, and I am incorrectly attributing my AV as being 'Me' thinkin-bout-drinkin". It may seem like a subtle difference, but it is actually the crux of AVRT.

For me, after drinking for 40 years, I could recognize all this, but I had deeply reinforced 'automatic behaviors' that operated on a much more insistent and deep-rooted drive that propelled me to that drink, regardless of what I could play in my mind (or not even be able to play thru in my mind).

It wasn't until I got a 'separation level' between 'Me' and those deep-rooted 'automatic drive behaviors' that I was able to utilize the recognition of 'my AV'.

It only happened for me thru working the 12 Steps, after a long time of gut-wrenching, face-in-the-asphalt struggling. Many other people have the ability to just get the AVRT technique in operation, and get free from their drinking. Maybe I am just too weak-willed (wink), or was too far gone. I do know that for anyone that seems 'too far gone', Working the Steps will absolutely bring freedom. I have seen it in numerous people that were as 'hopeless' (or pathetic ?) as I was.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW Anyone Can B 2

All sounds familiar to me except AV?
 

All sounds familiar to me except AV? What is it? Or should I guess?

Anyway sounds about time to listen to your sponsors, best two I ever had, well ok the only two I ever and still have I first heard on one of 'Joe and Charlie's:Big Book Study Meeting,' done whilst at the same time reading my copy of 'Alcoholics Anonymous' so I could follow what they were telling me...

I also remember in the early days I drank a lot of sweetened soya milk, smoked cigarettes altho' I've since stopped and ate regularly and healthily without being to 'picky'. Much as I do now...

I kept a sharp eye on my environment to, as Epictetus said,'It is not things that disturb men but their view of them,' which is reflected in the words of 'The Serenity Prayer'.

I hope this helps...

AV=Addictive voice

Stay strong. Dont give in. You can do this. You will feel horrible if you give in. Play the tape all the way through.

I got back from my meeting had some lunch and a bit of chocolate.

I shared during the meeting about my concerns and am now still have my mind wandering to booze.

I keep playing the tape forward and reminding me of my last drunk but I am still nervous.

So glad you are posting and talking it through. These are tough times. I understand where you are coming from. Be strong. You CAN do this.

Thanks Pippo,

I noticed we have a similar sobriety date.. I don't want a new sobriety date.

Good job Newhope

In the early stages of working the steps, before the miracle of separation from the addiction happened, I had 2 separate suggestions made that helped me immensely.

(1) My sponsor suggested I memorize the 3rd Step Prayer, and repeat it often. I modified it slightly and replaced the 'Thees & Thous' with 'You' & Your' to make it more personal.

(2) Someone at a meeting said he often had to repeat 'God Direct My Thinking ... God Direct My Thinking'. It stuck with me and I put it to use.

Both of these helped immensely, when I put them to work, repeatedly and consistently.

The 3rd Step Prayer introduced concepts that were so radically different from what was constantly running thru my addiction-rifled brain that I repeated it almost in disbelief, but in hopefulness that 'God' or this 'Higher Power' that obviously worked thru the 12 Step program, could use it in me.

'God Direct My Thinking ... God Direct My Thinking' ... I used like doing 99 Bottles of God on the Wall. I would use it to crowd out, and over-ride the incessant voice in my head Screaming Bloody Murder for a drink or a drug.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

the object is to get through the day, sober...it doesn't need to be graceful :)

If it still bothers you tomorrow perhaps re-visiting your recovery plan could help? :)

D