blueberry2015

Anyone else experienced this? Im approaching 18 months sobriety yet ive self harmed twice?

I know why I did it, but not understanding how I can do it in a programme of recovery.

Im safe by the way and not at risk of harming myself further.

I guess I need to work through this with my therapist.

Feeling a bit ..... meh.

Anna

Hi Blueberry, Congratulations on 18 months of recovery. That's great. I'm sorry that you've self-harmed, but it's great that you are aware of why it happened and that you are talking to a therapist. I'm sure you feel frustrated, but try to be kind to yourself.

Forward12

Never had any experience myself, but that for sure would be something to discuss with your therapist.

Soberwolf

I used to self harm way before my addiction to Alcohol took over - a lot of people think it's a cry for help but i covered up and nobody knew i always said it was exchanging pain for pain

Have you spoke to your Dr ?

PhoenixJ

Yes-thepy

Dee74

I have no first hand experience to share blueberry but I'm told this is (apart from here of course) another great place of support:

bus ? Index page

we're all behind you in this struggle too

D

blueberry2015

Definitely that. I was feeling hurt and upset at the time and just feelings of general uckiness about myself. The urge was there to hurt myself and when I did it gave a little relief. I'm back in drug and alcohol counselling with a fantastic therapist, I guess I'll be honest. I did some work on it and I think some of it links back to childhood. I'm getting there, I've dealt with a lot of stuff so far in recovery this bit hasn't yet been addressed. X

MrMcTell

Really sorry to hear you are suffering BB.

I have a history of self injury that is most definitely linked to depression and anxiety caused by alcoholism. The fact that I began cutting again before I recently quit was a sign that I was not in control of my drinking and "bad things" were on the horizon.

You are way ahead of me at 18 months, but I have definitely felt the urge since giving up drinking too. (Not anywhere near acting on these thoughts/ urges BTW.) They pop up at moments of stress when I would have reached for a beer (or twenty...)

I think it is tough when the (faulty) coping mechanism of alcohol is removed and there is no easy outlet for pain and frustration. I started, for example, craving marijuana even though it has never been a DOC for me at all. That was weird.

Congrats on 18 months. That is a fantastic achievement and an inspiration for me (97 days today!).

Speak to your therapist and stay strong!

Soberwolf

I totally understand and think your doing great

blueberry2015

Bless you, and well done on 97 days thats amazing!!!

I feel it is a control thing, like alcohol, so when you feel you arent in control or not able to manage your emotions there has to be a release. Alcohol was my release, Ive only self harmed only a few times in my life, but twice in a space of a couple of months AND in recovery, so I guess the booze done the job of releasing that pressure until I became dependent and my life was a mess, now the option of drink isnt there and when challenging tricky emotions ive gone for the self harm. Im understanding it better for sure, but def need to tackle this, something within my recovery needs tweeking x

Thank you so much for sharing your own experience it has really helped x

blueberry2015

Thats great Dee thank you x