Trying to understand
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Trying to understand
My friend/boyfriend is a recovery heroin addict. He has been clean for 1 and 1/2 year. We have been in a relationship for almost 8 years. We split up a few months before he went to rehab to get clean. He was a couple months sober before we started talking again. He was the one who contacted me and told me how much he loved me and wanted to see me again. We have been seeing each other since. We agreed that it would be smart to take things slowly. Now that it has been over a year I am wondering how long I am supposed to wait to have more of a serious relationship with him. He has become distant lately and sometimes he won't answer my phone calls or text messages. He will usually get back to me within a day but it is difficult not to smother him. I am completely supportive of his recovery. He dedicates most of his time to recovery and goes to meetings almost everyday. When I confronted him about being distant he told me that he is "not ready to be a boyfriend right now." I asked him if he would ever be ready and he said he "didnt know why I was making a big deal out of it because he hangsout with me and he spends his time doing recovery stuff 24/7 and its just the way it is right now." I said does that mean you are going to be dating other people and he said "no he isn't seeing anybody, he does not want to see anybody."
We have had a long relationship and I was with him through 8 years of his addiction. I know that he cares about me he is just very distant and I feel very neglected and ignored just like I did when he was in his addiction. It just becomes very confusing. How long do I wait? How long should I be patient? What if he has decided he doesn't love me anymore now that he is sober? How do I know the difference between him just working on himself or he doesn't want me around?
We have had a long relationship and I was with him through 8 years of his addiction. I know that he cares about me he is just very distant and I feel very neglected and ignored just like I did when he was in his addiction. It just becomes very confusing. How long do I wait? How long should I be patient? What if he has decided he doesn't love me anymore now that he is sober? How do I know the difference between him just working on himself or he doesn't want me around?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Originally Posted by time4healing 
Now that it has been over a year I am wondering how long I am supposed to wait to have more of a serious relationship with him. He has become distant lately and sometimes he won't answer my phone calls or text messages.
When I confronted him about being distant he told me that he is "not ready to be a boyfriend right now."
When I confronted him about being distant he told me that he is "not ready to be a boyfriend right now."
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, time4healing. Welcome.
Your SO is telling you (and showing you) who he is right now.
Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Do you have a support group? Friends?
Al-Anon can be a great source of support.
Peace.
Your SO is telling you (and showing you) who he is right now.
Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Do you have a support group? Friends?
Al-Anon can be a great source of support.
Peace.
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