FitNonDrinker

I originally signed up on this forum over 2 years ago. Since then, my husband has retired... we've moved AGAIN (8th time in 20 years/USMC), and my mom passed away suddenly 1.5 years ago. My boys are now 14 and 10.

When I signed up over 2 years ago, I was really convinced I had a problem. I was sneaking wine bottles into the house, and out to the trash, behind my husbands back. But I was able to get up every day, do tasks, workout, stay in shape, and never miss a beat. But I knew.

I broke down 2 years ago to my husband, told him I thought I was an alcoholic and he told me I was fine. He said I was Ok. That I didn't have a problem. So I never logged back in to this site. I went on as "usual".

Now, I'm back to that place again. Where I know I STILL have a problem. I told a dear friend this last week. She did the same thing my husband did, told me I was over reacting. I was fine. UGH....

I know I don't drink like others. I can drink. I mean, like bottles of wine. I normally "pass out" when I do, then get up and do my tasks the next day. But it's getting harder. I'm going to be 48 at the end of the year and I've literally wasted so many nights, passing out, over the last almost 8 years.

I can't imagine never drinking again. But I'm sure it's what I need. I tell myself (like everyone else here) that I can manage. I'll just not drink mon-fri. Just drink on the weekends. I even did this a few months back. While dieting for a fitness competition. Got into great shape. Seemed "normal" for 3 months. Then when it was over, back to drinking about 4-5 nights a week.

So depressed about it all. Just wish I could be a normal drinker. I need to be here. Be on these forums. Read and write and learn. Sorry to go on so long.

PippoRossi

Glad you are back. I've learned that people who don't have the disease don't understand the disease. It sucks, because I'd really like to talk about these things with my best friend, but she doesn't get it. We don't go out and drink together, but she does like her wine and talks about it often. Ugghhh. The great thing is this forum is available with understanding people here 24/7/365.

FitNonDrinker

Seems like 80% of EVERYTHING involves drinking? All the neighbors on my street are drinkers. Especially around the holidays it's weekend after weekend of parties and drinking.

I won't lie, I LIKE drinking. I like having a glass of wine and watching my smutt shows (RHOBH and My 600lb Life) lol! But the next day I'm always upset with myself. I've even started leaving notes to myself on my phone and in my drawers to NOT drink on the weekdays.

I really do appreciate this place.

CreativeThinker

Welcome back Fit!

We all LOVE to drink...it's the aftermath that comes along with the way we drink that becomes the problem.

Like you, I was able to drink, get up, go to the gym, work hard at a successful career...but like you, I too just KNEW I had a problem. As time went on, I tried to moderate but it never lasted for long.

For far too many years I tried to justify my drinking and I wanted so badly to be able to drink like a "normal" person. One morning I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and I barely recognized myself. What truly scared the h*** out of me is that I felt hopeless. I'd always been a positive person, this was not me and I knew I needed to change my life.

Thinking about never drinking again is still frightening to me...but I'm a newbie and I know it will take time. That's where thinking, "One Day at a Time" comes in. Eventually the days add up, I began feeling stronger, looking like myself again, having great workouts...life just began to get better.

You CAN do this...you just need to want it more than anything else in your life.

doggonecarl

You want to be a normal drinker? Like one or two glasses, once a week or so? That's what you wish? Why?

It's easier to just never drink again, really. Normal has left the station.

HTown

I have to agree with Carl. I know for me personally I do not want one glass of wine. What is the point? I want a bottle, maybe 1.5 bottles. I tried everything to cut down. I knew, just like you that I had a problem. Still functioned 100%, but it was shameful to me. I felt so down on myself. Like a loser. I am very successful, but I was a loser in my heart.

Fast-forward to a little over a year, guess what? Great self-esteem. Wonderful energy. Good mood. I love myself wholly. I do not miss the alcohol one bit. Not at all. It was tough at first, but I broke the habit and I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. That's how great I feel.

You worry about missing out, I get that, but you don't miss out, you are actually more present. Do yourself this huge favor, just do not drink at all.

Anna

I agree with Carl. If you can control your drinking, then you're not an alcoholic. If you plan to drink on weekends, but not weekdays, that's something I could not manage to do, at least not for the long term. Most of us here have tried relentlessly to do that and as often as not, we end up in a worse situation. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

I hope you look around here, trust your gut and your belief in yourself, not others. You know something is not right and that's what counts.

nmd

Welcome!

SimplyFree

Welcome! I'm an ex marine. I understand the way things are in the Corps. If drinking makes you feel regretful, then it's a problem. In the Marine Corps, it is nearly impossible for drinking to be seen as a problem. Drinking is the culture, like saying ohh raahh. The question isn't wherther others think you have a problem or if it is acceptable, obviously you are uncomfortable, that's enough to make a change. Just my opinion. Thank you for your service. Being married to a marine means ....you're in the Corps too! Blessings!

Mizzuno

Your story, for the most part, is all of us. I, too, wanted to be a " normal" drinker. Now, I just want to live my life and be content, healthy and hangover free. Every morning had a hangover associated to it. Its so damn tiring and overwhelming.
If you think you have a problem, you most likely do. Its not anyone else's job to speak your truth.
We are here for you. Keep posting.

Dee74

Welcome back FitDrinker

I could always find someone to tell me I didn;t have a problem...but I knew I did...it was not normal to risk life and limb by drinking as much as I did.

I worried about a drink-less existence too. The easiest shortest reassurance I can give you is it works out

Noone would stay sober if they thought they lost out on the deal/. I thought sobriety would be dull boring painful and grey. Instead I was set free from a self imposed prison.

I really hope you give it a try

D

PhoenixJ

I am not a normal drinker. trying to act like one while drinking the only way that worked- literally killed me. support to you. keep posting and welcome

Verona

Your story is just like mine. I functioned even though I drank 4-5 nights a week, I managed my own business, kids, house, everything. But I was exhausted. Of having to buy alcohol, worry if there was going to be enough booze in the house, hiding it, drinking it in secret, figuring out how to get rid of the bottles in secret plus awful hangovers on top of that. And I ended up accidentally injuring myself when drunk (falling over, hitting my head. Twice). I and you and all of us deserve so much better than a life like that! I also want to be there for my kids, be the best mom I can be, I'm not my best when drunk/hungover. Welcome, glad you're back, you'll find amazing support here at SR, keep posting!

FitNonDrinker

This is so powerful. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I want to be present. My boys won't be here forever.

Thank you.......

FitNonDrinker

Thank you so much for sharing this. I was in the Navy for 4 years before I met my husband. Sent straight to the PI where there was NO drinking age or curfew. I was 18 and sent to the devils den. I woke up at the bar many mornings and was counseled a few times.... I had a bad episode out in town one night, lost my wallet.... just a nightmare. I remember THEN (over 25 years ago) I have a problem. I quit drinking and started going to college. I was so proud of myself.

Thank you for your service. The military is NOT a helpful place for people with alcohol problems

FitNonDrinker

Thank you Verona. Yes, I'm tired of feeling disgusted with myself. And I'm starting to experience anxiety... possible shakes? I've never had that before. I don't want to waste more beautiful mornings here in Florida. I want to get up with a clear head and spend time with my kids/husband. I want to tuck them into bed each night and REMEMBER it!

So grateful to everyone for taking the time to respond.

Sc0ot3r2017

I"m just curious, did you ever tell your friend or husband about how much you hid the drinking? Or to the extent you were willing to go to not let them no the stage you were at?

NotPerfect71

Wow, sounds so much like me that it's scary. I'm new here too and wanted so much to be a normal drinker but realized that I can never do that. I too try my best to function normally after a night of drinking. Working out (5 days a week), going to work, dealing with my girls, completely functional (but feeling like crap!) It didn't help that my only friends were heavy drinkers as well and kept telling me that I didn't have a problem and that it was OK for me to drink once in a while (even if it was a whole bottle of wine and sometimes more). I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm 45 and time to get my life together!

We can do this!

SandyO

Thank you for this post. This is exactly how I want feel in a year from now.

Don't you FitDrinker? Nights are more fun now than passing out. I enjoy and remember tv shows, talk to my husband and clean up the house a bit. And I eat better. I don't have to rewatch tv shows because I don't remember, I wash my face and teeth and more importantly wake up with no shame.

There's a ton of support and advice on here.

CoffeeInstead

yup, 45 years old here too. I don't know what trigger my mind to say NOW is the time...but almost 5 weeks ago, I decided. My husband is shocked, I've been drinking since my early 20s. Always a party, never turned down a drink.

The last few years, it's been every other day, about a pint at a time. I hated waking up hungover and the anxiety was horrible. I even called off or worked from home on hangover days. The cycle had to stop!!

I just found out my brother has a drinking problem, though I have suspected it for years. He is putting my SIL and nieces through hell. I am 500+ miles away and I wish I could help!