New and Terrified
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Berrybean 
Yes, I remember that. Terrified that if things carried on I'd be stuck with the drinking me (who I'd come to despise) for the rest of my life, and that if I stopped, what would my no-drink life look like. What would I DO? Who would I even BE? I'd been a heavy drinker from my teens to my early 40s so adult life without drinking seemed a mystery to me. And it was hard at first. I needed to make some sober and in-recovery friends. People who could understand this crazy recovery journey I was on.i joined AA and the experience, strength and hope I got from other alcoholics who had changed their lives around and learned to really LIVE sober inspired me and gave me different ways to do things and to think about things. My thinking was (shockingly to me, as I've always thought myself a pretty smart cookie) extremely immature. I still thought like a selfish and silly 16 year old. I suppose once I started drinking to avoid dealing with stuff I also stopped emotionally progressing in some ways. So, the last three years has involved a lot of learning and growing. This place has helped massively.
Anyway. Glad you found us. Keep reading and posting. And don't take the first drink - that's the one that does the damage. The one that leads to the second, third, and fourth and so on. The one that weakens our resolve and feeds that addictive voice. Expect that voice to start kicking up a stink in your head in the next while. We can't shut the little beasts up, but we sure as hell don't have to take notice of or act on their lies. Gradually as we starve our AV and there's more time between the present and our last drink it will become quieter and quieter til instead of an incessant chatter it's just an occasional whisper (although it's easy to trip over those little whispers as well, so we still need to watch out for them). If you're not sure if it's a rational thought or your AV the test question is, 'is it telling me that I should take a drink (of whatever quantity )?' If the answer is yes, then that's your AV and you can safely ignore that thought.
Try to avoid the HALT triggers as well. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired are some of the most common things that sabotage the quality of our sobriety, so it's worth planning things into our day that will keep these things at bay.
All the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Anyway. Glad you found us. Keep reading and posting. And don't take the first drink - that's the one that does the damage. The one that leads to the second, third, and fourth and so on. The one that weakens our resolve and feeds that addictive voice. Expect that voice to start kicking up a stink in your head in the next while. We can't shut the little beasts up, but we sure as hell don't have to take notice of or act on their lies. Gradually as we starve our AV and there's more time between the present and our last drink it will become quieter and quieter til instead of an incessant chatter it's just an occasional whisper (although it's easy to trip over those little whispers as well, so we still need to watch out for them). If you're not sure if it's a rational thought or your AV the test question is, 'is it telling me that I should take a drink (of whatever quantity )?' If the answer is yes, then that's your AV and you can safely ignore that thought.
Try to avoid the HALT triggers as well. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired are some of the most common things that sabotage the quality of our sobriety, so it's worth planning things into our day that will keep these things at bay.
All the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
It's interesting how you said when you started drinking you stopped emotionally progressing because I feel the same way. Like I've isolated myself from the outside world (other then work) and have become more and more fearful and reluctant to go out and socialize.I guess without really noticing it I made alcohol my best friend... which is bad for you so I'm noticing now it's a sh**ty friend!
24 hour mark here now! Still feeling good so far, have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow afternoon for something (possibly) unrelated, so I'm going to bring up my situation and see what he says I can do.
Thanks everyone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
BTW when I see the doctor tomorrow I'm going to see if he will take my blood pressure (if he doesn't choose to himself) and anything else he can measure, record it and use it as a benchmark down the road to see how my health benefits from not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 87
Welcome Mystikaldawn! I was the same as you, didn't drink in high school, everything went downhill after college... You're young and have a great life in front of you. Life is so much better sober when you can enjoy all the "small" things that you forget about when your intoxicated! You can do this, keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Mystikaldawn
Sorry, I'm terrified of both to be honest. I have tried but it was only for a few days. They were good days so that helps that at least for the first few days I will know what I am up against.
Thanks
Thanks
I think this answers whether drinking is a bad habit or an addiction problem.
biting my finger nails is a bad habit. the thought of stopping didn't bring any fear. and no fear of if I continued.
fear of the unkown- what life without alcohol would be- was one fear I had. the greater fear I had that helped me get sober and get help was fear of the known- what life WITH alcohol would be like. it wasn't even a life I had but an existence.
early on in AA I heard that an alcoholic stops growing mentally and emotionally when they take their 1st drink. I found that true for me.36 when I got sober, I was 13 ish mentally and emotionally.
hope ya stick around. check out the different recovery methods/programs available,too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Well, day 2 is starting out to be pretty good! Had my doctors appointment and got my blood work back and it was what I expected, I had my very first flare up of gout a few weeks ago. If you've never had it it's extremely painful and dont wish it on my worst enemy. Apparently excessive alcohol consumption can cause a flare up of gout so yet again another reason to stay away from the drinks!
Told my doctor about some minor chest pain I had yesterday which really freaked me out! I did a bit of looking on the internet yesterday typed "chest pain" in google and to my horror I saw heart attack this and heart attack that and nearly induced a panic attack and fainted im sure! He measured my BP and my heart rate and everything is normal and said it's most likely some muscle pain. He knew I drank before so it was aware of my drinking. He said even at my age almost all the people who have heart attacks are people who abuse heavier drugs which made me feel a lot better.
It still gave me a scare though and made me realize once again I need to give up drinking otherwise I'm only going to go to the doctor one day and it WILL be something more serious!
On another note I did manage 5 hours of sleep last night which is a lot better then I thought I would do. Was nice waking up for a change happy to open the blinds and see the sun!
Told my doctor about some minor chest pain I had yesterday which really freaked me out! I did a bit of looking on the internet yesterday typed "chest pain" in google and to my horror I saw heart attack this and heart attack that and nearly induced a panic attack and fainted im sure! He measured my BP and my heart rate and everything is normal and said it's most likely some muscle pain. He knew I drank before so it was aware of my drinking. He said even at my age almost all the people who have heart attacks are people who abuse heavier drugs which made me feel a lot better.
It still gave me a scare though and made me realize once again I need to give up drinking otherwise I'm only going to go to the doctor one day and it WILL be something more serious!
On another note I did manage 5 hours of sleep last night which is a lot better then I thought I would do. Was nice waking up for a change happy to open the blinds and see the sun!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Might sound silly, but I went to the docs with chest pain early on, plus some dizziness Turned out to be anxiety where I was almost holding my breath / shallow breathing. Might just be worth watching yourself and trying some breathing exercises for relaxation as it isn't going to hurt and may add some calming strategies to your plan if nothing else.
BB
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
So I have a question, I've been reading more and more on this site and it's been very inspiring... however, I have heard about delirium tremens and how it can be fatal and how someone who drank a lot over a longer period of time should seriously consider this. So, up until recently I could almost flatten a bottle of rum a night. Its a lot I know. I'm almost done day 2 and I still feel pretty good. I know no one can give me medical advice here but I'm curious as to at what point should I seek out medical attention if I do indeed need it? basically because I'm going to be home alone for the next few days. And if I do end up having a seizure I would basically be screwed!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by resolute50
Everybody is different. Having your doctor in on what you are doing is great. Normal blood pressure is a good sign. I bought my own BP monitor
. MyBP was sky high on 2nd and 3rd day.
. MyBP was sky high on 2nd and 3rd day.
I did a bit of reading on this site of different people describing what their first few days were like, so far I would consider myself mild at the most. Im almost starting the 3 day mark and really all I've had to deal with so far was put up with a minor headache, eyes feel a bit dry, slight anxiety as to where I just take a couple deep breaths and I'm fine again.
https://www.verywell.com/is-this-nor...-it-last-80197
Basically I just want to make sure for the next few days where I'm going to be alone and I'm not taking any meds for withdrawals I should be safe from any DT.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
And just like that, it hit me like a freight train out of nowhere, feeling of hopelessness the fact I'm only going on day 3. I actually had a bit of a cry out of nowhere. I went 3 days easily a couple weeks ago but that might have been because I knew I was going to have some after 3 days. But this time because I;m trying to make it permanent it's different.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Mystikaldawn
And just like that, it hit me like a freight train out of nowhere, feeling of hopelessness the fact I'm only going on day 3. I actually had a bit of a cry out of nowhere. I went 3 days easily a couple weeks ago but that might have been because I knew I was going to have some after 3 days. But this time because I;m trying to make it permanent it's different.
Here are a couple of definitions of words I never really understood before recovery...
'Courage' : feeling the fear and doing it anyway (I always thought but was the same as being fearless before - and it's so much more than that).
'Wisdom' : taking the choice to do what will give long term serenity, peace and joy instead of that which just gives short term gratification regardless of the consequences.
Be wise and courageous. You can get through this. No one said it would be easy, and at times it just plain isn't. Stopping drinking is just the start. Learning to live and think differently can be exhausting at times, but it gets easier and easier, and more and more fulfilling. As long as you work on your recovery.
Might be worth rereading your plan. If you haven't made one, then there's no time like the present... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
And please don't let yourself dwell on forever. There's very good reason that we keep hearing 'a day at a time'. You might not be able to stop your mind sloping off to gawk at the vastness of forever, but you can determine to reel it back in and refocus on today EVERY time it does that.
All the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Thanks everyone.
Didn't get as much sleep last night as I did the night before. The fact that i have a job interview coming up today didn't help the nerves either lol.Didn't have any nightmares last night unlike the night before which was nice. They don't really bother me anyways, especially since I quit smoking using Chantix. If you can power through the nightmares that you get with Chantix then you wont have a problem with them ever again. Chantix is absolutely insane for night terrors!
Didn't get as much sleep last night as I did the night before. The fact that i have a job interview coming up today didn't help the nerves either lol.Didn't have any nightmares last night unlike the night before which was nice. They don't really bother me anyways, especially since I quit smoking using Chantix. If you can power through the nightmares that you get with Chantix then you wont have a problem with them ever again. Chantix is absolutely insane for night terrors!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
