Stewy84

Came back this morning and there is a new mattress in the spare room. She's moving someone into MY home isn't she

This is enough to drive me over the edge I can't actually believe that she would be that disrespectful.

We joint own this house and I'm still paying for bills / mortgage (half my share)

This is just the icing on the cake

Mattq2

Hey stewy,
I have followed your post for awhile now. It's hard to watch what your going through my friend. I think some how you need to forget about your ex. Your obsession over it is not healthy. I'm not trying to be a jerk but she is moving on and you need to do the same.

When I went through a really rough spot in my life I got professional help to talk things through. It really helped.

You need to take care of you and your needs first. I wish you the best stewy I really do.

Dee74

Stewy this sounds like another of those things you can't do anything about, except maybe getting some professional advice on how to extricate yourself from the whole half house ownership deal.

My addiction loved stuff like this because I couldn't fix it - and in choosing to let this rile me to the point of obsession, and refusing to let it go, I couldn't do anything but throw alcohol at the problem, in futile fashion.

D

SoberNunn

You know what that really sucks. What a cow! The best revenge you could get against your ex is to get sober and be the best version of yourself possible. That would really stick it to her!

Soberwolf

Stewy the best advice I can give is backing up what D said about getting out of paying for the mortgage so you have clousure and so your not paying 'your' half' your not living there and your not together & the sooner your out of the mortgage the better I'm sorry things are like this but this is an open wound that needs to be healed

Have you got a family lawyer ? and from now on no more mortgage payments your not living there

Anna

Stewy, I don't think you can change things about what's happening. Maybe, talk to a lawyer today and see what advice you can get. I'm sorry you're going through this.

ScottFromWI

You passed that point a long time ago Stewy, and its very sad to watch you deteriorate further right in front of our eyes.

You mentioned the other day that you had made an appointment to see a therapist....have you done that yet?

MissPerfumado

Stewy - if you can't come to an agreement with your ex about the property and mortgage then as SW has said you should see a family lawyer.

You will want to understand your rights from a family law perspective (is your child living there, are you paying anything towards the child's living expenses) as well as how your credit rating might be affected if you stop mortgage repayments.

All these steps are going to require you to be fully 100% present and clear.

All of this hurts. I understand. People hurt each other in all sorts of ways. Men hurt women. Women hurt men. It isn't right but it happens every day.

Best you can do is stay sober and work through it by eating the elephant bite by bite. Wallowing in the hurt isn't going to get you anywhere.

Berrybean

I think you're presuming a lot from a mattress being in the spare room. Perhaps she's got someone staying because a friend needs someone to stay. If it's in the spare room then it's hardly looking like a new relationship though is it. Does she need your permission to have people stay? Yiu pay your share of the responsibility for the house, and that does not purchase you a say into how she runs her life. Calm down and try to get right sized over this. Your AV is just trying to create reasons to drink, bit you don't have to subscribe to its melodrama. What were you even doing round there? Just fancied a dose of pain and popped round to rub some salt in the old wound?

Maudcat

You are getting some really good advice here, Stewy. I am very sorry for your pain and trouble. Honestly, alcohol doesn't help. It just ends up making you sadder and more depressed. Talk to someone about this.
Peace.

MsCooterBrown

Stewy...I fear that sometime since the breakup you have entered what I call the Stalker Zone. You are hurt and you feel the need to keep an eye on her so you still have one up on her. This borders on obsession. Not good. I had to try to think of happy things to get out of the pain. It took time. A LOT of time. I also wish you peace ...speaking from experience here. Don't let too much time go by before you get help. It really will mess with your well being. <3

insignia

Stewy, I am new here and really do not post much but I read a lot. You really need to get some professional help soon. Your posts are getting scarier and scarier as I read. I realize she hurt you, we have all been hurt in our lives. Hell I cried myself to sleep for damn near 6 months over an abusive ex. Did it bother him at all? No it just out my life on hold for six months. I finally came out of my hole and pulled it together for me.

You have to pull it together so you can live your own life and find a way to just let it go. There is no shame in needing help. The only shame is not getting it when you need it.

Stewy84

I didn't genuinely have to collect something from there, I cried to my neighbours for an hour they have supported me

This really is the end of the line, I got back to my parents house and I've been drinking all afternoon

I think it's best I do not post on the forum until I've stopped the destruction of drinking alcohol, I'm only letting people down who are ready to recover properly

This is not even the worst thing to happen in life and look how I'm dealing with it. Doesn't bode well for future...

I've lost my house, lost my relationship, lost my sobriety and I'm slowly losing my mind

CreativeThinker

Don't stop posting Stewy. Everyone here truly cares about your well being and we're trying to help you flip the switch and get back to where you used to be.

If anything, coming here and posting is forcing you to look at the situation you are currently in and read responses from all of us who are just like you. We offer advise because there's no one better than all of us to be able to relate to you. The only difference between us today is our attitudes.

You know how to turn things around...you're not alone...and I think that deep down inside, you're tired and you want to get off the rollercoaster. JFDI Stewy...we're all root'in for ya!

tomsteve

maybe its time surrender?
then instead of listening to the suggestions that have been offered, DO the suggestions?

"I'm only letting people down who are ready to recover properly."
are you saying youre not ready to recover?
i dont think youre letting anyone down.

insignia

Don't stop posting Stewy. Think about the 2.5 years you had. What did you say to yourself to not hit the bottle when bad times happened? How did you get through those times?

I still think you need professional hep but you also need to post here and talk to people. You did it for 2.5 years. You can do it again.

mecanix

Stewy ,
you need to visit a lawyer soon , the more you procrastinate the worse it will be for you , they will want to know if you are tenants in common or in joint tenancy.

Do you know for sure that she is paying her half of the mortgage ? how do you know she's not taking out secured loans on it to pay for stuff whilst your getting drunk and not paying it much attention .

Drinking will only make it more of a mess than it already is and you could loose any equity you might have built in the last few years .

I hope you make the next decision the right one , start choosing sobriety.

By getting drunk and staying drunk your giving away any chance you might have to look after your rights in this situation.

don't give up on yourself you're more worthwhile than that .

m

thomas11

Stewy, I think the support network you have here is pretty darn good. I have nothing to add in terms of advice because everyone has been very thoughtful in their contributions. You control how this movie ends, and you have it within you to do the right thing. But you're not doing it...yet. I hope you stick around.

Soberwolf

Stewy your AV wants you to stop posting so it's got you all to itself

You the person who wants to be sober is posting because you don't want to be drinking but right now I'm guessing your feeling like this nightmare will never end ?

I felt like that before I got sober couldn't get 30 days under my belt but i just kept at it & eventually i had that realisation not only that i started work on fixing my problems which is still ongoing today

i was going meetings and remember feeling exactly how you feel right now difference is you know you can do this but you also know it's going to be really really hard & equally painful but you know what things will start to heal that i promise

And you won't be doing it alone .. you want to be happy right at peace in your heart ?

Recovery is the way forward towards that

Normancita

Stewy,

It seems there's a lot to deal with....the breakup, financial matters with the house and your drinking.

My advice to you is to prioritize your sobriety so you can get your head straight.

From all your posts that I've read, it seems you are constantly REACTING instead of thoughtfully RESPONDING to all these issues that you can't control.

This same cycle will just go on until you address your alcoholism. I urge you to look for rehab. Prayers to you.

Norma