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Toying with the idea that maybe i need to stop

Old 04-23-2017, 07:04 PM
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Toying with the idea that maybe i need to stop

Hey all - First post here.

Ive been toying with the idea of taking a break from drinking, heck i think ive been toying with this idea for 15 years.

I'm a stay at home mum at the moment and im studying full time. Im not an everyday drinker, i probably drink once a week - fortnight...however when i do drink i grab some beers for the fridge and then i stash another lot of beers in my bedroom. I do this so i can have more alcohol than my husband without him knowing. It's the secrecy that worries me...if i didnt have an issue with alcohol then i wouldnt hide it right? or do i just know i need more to get drunk and i really want to let loose and get drunk every now and then? The thought of just have one or two beers like my husband annoys me, that wont do, whats the point in that! i wont get drunk from that...i need a secret stash that can do the job properly...

Im am really swaying between thoughts of, im not hurting anyone, my life is great whats so bad? and really wanting to stop this way of living and the hold these moments seem to have over me...
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:10 PM
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Welcome to SR, Hiddenbottles. Very glad that you found this very supportive, understanding and encouraging site.

Only you can decide if your drinking is a problem (although secrecy and hiding bottles can be warning signs of a problem).

Have a look around the site, giving special attention to the 'Stickies' at the top of the forums (especially Newcomers, Newcomers Daily Support, and Alcoholism); there is a wealth of information in them and may help you to reach some conclusions about your drinking.

Very good to have you here.
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:12 PM
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Welcome Hidden! In my opinion, anyone who has to think about the possibility of getting help to stop has a problem. Most people don't give alcohol that much thought. This is when I realized I needed to stop for good - the obsession was there, and I found myself worried before functions where there would be alcohol that I would overdo - and I usually did. The hiding of bottles is also a tell tale sign.

You should take advantage of this site to get knowledge and facts about alcoholism Admitting it isn't easy, but once you do, you'll feel empowered!!!
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:13 PM
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Welcome to the family! If you think you have a problem, you most likely do. The secrecy is a red flag too. Normal drinkers don't hide their drinking.

You'll find lots of support here so use this forum often. Post here before drinking so we can talk you out of it.

I'm glad you found us.
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:15 PM
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Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. When I started boozing it was fortnightly, every tuesday, and I hid it. I even felt very bad about going into the bottle shop. In time I overcame my 'shyness' and bought and drank with increasing confidence. Then the wheels fell off and I drank to not feel that loss. I kinda wish I hadn't ever hid it and that I'd gotten a grip on it before everything went south.
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:21 PM
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I should also mention that I "hid" my secret drinking for years - or so I thought. People are more observant than we often think. It's​ not an easy thing for people to address, so you should consider the possibility that more people realize what you're doing but aren't sure how to ask you about it.

It sounds like you are catching it before it gets too bad - awesome decision!! Run with it
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:24 PM
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Thanks everyone

No one in my life knows what i do, friends and family just think i get drunk easily...little do they know ive had 8 beers to their 1 ... I dont want to tell anyone either, i kind of want to just get a grip on this myself...i keep saying ill go x amount of days before a drinking day, i never make it to x amount of days. It is such a habit for me, ive forgotten how to be at events sober, ive developed a belief that every event can be enhanced with drinks...
I'm so easily swayed, and so easily forget why i want to stop. Day 1 is easy, i set great goals on day one, its day 5 that i forget how i felt on day 1. For example - i hadnt planned on drinking this weekend at all, i needed to study, instead a friend asked to come over at the last minute and instead of thinking 'yeah cool, come over' i thought ' yeah cool come over, i need to get a pack of beers and hide it so when we have one beer together i can have 6 more secretly'
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:26 PM
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Hi and welcoem hioddenbottles

you say you're not hurting anyone - and I used to say that too - I was hurting mysaelf tho, and I'm as important as anyone else in my life

Also if your stash ever got discovered I'm sure your husband would feel hurt, scared or angry about that - the fact you've not been caught - yet - might not really be a positive?

I hope you end up deciding to make a decision for change
D
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:30 PM
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Sounds familiar.....wanting to quit or adjust your drinking on day one, but funny how forgetful we become. Welcome, you find lots of support here!
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:37 PM
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How does one maintain momentum past the early days, how do you remember these feelings? I've tried writing before - but i never go back to read it, or just ignore it because i dont feel those feelings after a few days.
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Old 04-23-2017, 08:00 PM
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keep it simple, stupid or the KISS principle. a simple program for complicated people.

remember the HALTS, check and deal with : am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Thirsty,Tired, Sad

one drink is too many and a thousand is not enough

keep coming back
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Old 04-23-2017, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Hiddenbottles View Post
How does one maintain momentum past the early days, how do you remember these feelings? I've tried writing before - but i never go back to read it, or just ignore it because i dont feel those feelings after a few days.
For me, it was more that I had finally decided I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I was determined this time and did whatever I had to do to stay sober.
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Old 04-23-2017, 08:10 PM
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Hidden, I used to get lost in that cycle too - I would be determined to stop, but then would lose sight of why and feel that I somehow n"deserved" a drink just as much as anyone else. Next thing I know, it's 2 days later and I've lost a couple of days.

I think long-term sobriety requires honesty and hard work. No one wantsnto have this problem, but admitting it is the first step I'm sure the people in your life would support you!
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Old 04-23-2017, 08:37 PM
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I found posting here, multiple times a day if needed, helped keep my focus.

It's hard to rationalise you're not that bad when everything you've posted about yourself or read about others suggests you're not ok at all.

D
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Old 04-23-2017, 10:00 PM
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Hi Hiddenbottles.

I'm new to the forum as well. I'm also a mum with young kids-I'd been home with the kids for close to 2 years-and have just recently re-entered the workplace (just casually at the moment). Being at home with kids can be isolating and lonely at times, and I believe this was/is a major trigger for my drinking.

Today is day 6 for me, and so far this forum has been somewhere for me to go to when I would otherwise turn to the bottle. I'm also looking forward to reading more about addiction (alcohol in particular) and have ordered a book online. These are some of my 'early days' coping mechanisms.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more.

Wishing you all the best if you decide sobriety is the path for you.
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Old 04-24-2017, 05:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Hiddenbottles View Post
How does one maintain momentum past the early days, how do you remember these feelings? I've tried writing before - but i never go back to read it, or just ignore it because i dont feel those feelings after a few days.
quite a few keep reading what they wrote and don't try to ignore the elephant in the room.
the main thing,imo, that works for people to get and stay sober is diligence.

my past is the most valuable possession I have. it reminds me how well everything I did before I surrendered didn't work to help me stop drinking. it reminds me how much gloom,dispair, and agoiny there truly was. it reminds me theres nothing a drink will help.

it reminds me how awesome and valuable my recovery is.
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Old 04-24-2017, 06:47 AM
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LOTS OF SUPPORT HERE. I THOUGHT LIKE THAT- 30 YEARS LATER I VERY NEARLY BURNT MYSELF TO DEATH THROUGH A BLACKOUT, A FIBREGLASS SPLINT AND A CIGGIE. Do something with the awareness you have, so good you are looking now. Keep posting. PJ
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Old 04-24-2017, 06:56 AM
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I get it.

There are a couple good reasons to quit even though you don't necessarily feel like "I'm out of control" yet. One, it can progress to that point. Two, you are still gradually doing harm to your body. Three, you are cheating yourself out of the learning you deserve when you drink while going to school. Believe me I know, it may not be readily apparent if you have drank the entire time, but you'd be amazed how much of a mental fog it's actually causing, if you saw the difference being sober makes.

Negative emotions, like shame about hiding it, you don't have to live with that..

You would save money..

Here's something that I did once when I was looking for motivation to quit: Try to calculate what you have been spending on your beer, in a week, in a month, in a year, and think of that as extra money, and what you could do with that money instead.

For me, it was very attractive to think of just having that extra cash in a savings account for unexpected expenses. Although I did relapse for seven weeks and am at one week sober today, during my six months sober, I was able to save to where if I have to pay for my next two semesters out of pocket, I am perfectly okay doing that.

I know, it's not a big enough motivating factor sometimes, but it's something to think about.
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Old 04-24-2017, 07:04 AM
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One of the best feelings in the world is the absence of fear that my hidden empty bottles (or cans) will be found. I used to have anxiety nightmares where I had a poorly hidden body in my closet or in my car, symbolising how much shame I had at the idea of someone finding what I really hide. Those went away with the empties.

As for trying to keep motivated early on.. just set short goals. Aim for a week, Just to see that yes you can do it. If you can quit for a week, you can quit indefinitely. I don't know if you have many physical symptoms because of your drinking, but you should notice energy go up, and mental fog clear.
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Old 04-25-2017, 05:12 AM
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I read something on a blog recently that was fantastic.

The question is not "is this bad enough for me to quit?"

But rather "is this good enough for me to stay?"

And the real question underneath it all is "am I free?"

The point being, you have one precious life, do you really want to settle for "not that bad" (note--with drinking it gets worse) when you could be great, wonderful, free? You don't have to wait until things are awful to do something about this, you really don't, so don't get stuck on the idea that the only acceptable reason to quit is if something awful happens.

The blogger is Laura McKowen if you are interested, she writes a lot of recovery stuff.
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