Day 4
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Day 4
Feeling a bit more relaxed so far today. I'm still trying to learn what exactly went wrong with the 2 week cruise and my relapse. I think one of the biggest issues is that I went on such a vacation with my husband who has progressively gotten worse with his addiction in the past year (he had been using meth, drinking a lot more, chronically smoking marijuana and incessantly smoking cigarettes). And the cruise we went on catered to these addictions (alcohol, gambling, being able to smoke cigarettes in the casino, etc. etc.). And so my husband was trapped like a child in a candy shop on this cruise, and my two choices became either (1) distance myself from him and do my own thing away from these substances or (2) join him. The emotional pain of having to separate and distance myself from my husband on our vacation while he engaged in these substances and met other people became too much, and so I finally just joined him and chose to surrender my 5.5 month sobriety. We did have a fun time together with us now united and partying together, but I did suffer some of the side effects of being an active alcoholic which included overindulging, passing out a couple times and not remembering everything from the evening before. And now I find myself back home on Day 4 having to persist through some mental and physical cravings, knowing that I can lose a lot if I give in. The rest of our vacations this year are family vacations which will be good, but I am most likely going to cancel our cruise planned for next year because I don't want to be put in a similar situation again. Instead I will replace it with a vacation that caters more to someone who is sober.
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Thank you for the support. Yes, I've realized that cruises can be risky because it's difficult to leave the situation or go home if you are out at sea. It's nice to have the freedom to leave a situation if things are not working out.
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Had a slight mental obsession today that a glass of wine would be nice. I acknowledged the craving to a sober friend, and it eventually passed. Just needed to work through it. I know from my past recoveries that these types of obsessions should subside after about 2 weeks sober. I also was able to cancel the cruise for next year, and they nicely refunded my entire down payment even though that was not their policy. So relieved to be done with cruises. 😀
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Hi Freedom.
Congrats on your four days and on your 5.5 months beforehand.
I am going on a cruise in mid-May as well. We're off around Northern and Eastern Europe and as far as Russia. Seen a lot of the places we are going before but I do have the pressure of sobriety upon my shoulders.
We're lucky enough to have a great room that we have stayed in before. It's a suite where (on previous cruises) we have invited other people that we meet and like for a bit of a shindig with champagne and canopies. So we know it as a 'party room' I guess? The memories will kick in - all associated with booze - and I'm worried about it to be honest.
Nothing I can do now. The holiday cost a fortune and is paid in full - so I'm not cancelling it. I just hope that I will have enough sober time under my belt by then to resist.
Thank you for your post. It has further worried me that if someone with 5.5 months can crack under the pressure then so might I.
Tony
Congrats on your four days and on your 5.5 months beforehand.
I am going on a cruise in mid-May as well. We're off around Northern and Eastern Europe and as far as Russia. Seen a lot of the places we are going before but I do have the pressure of sobriety upon my shoulders.
We're lucky enough to have a great room that we have stayed in before. It's a suite where (on previous cruises) we have invited other people that we meet and like for a bit of a shindig with champagne and canopies. So we know it as a 'party room' I guess? The memories will kick in - all associated with booze - and I'm worried about it to be honest.
Nothing I can do now. The holiday cost a fortune and is paid in full - so I'm not cancelling it. I just hope that I will have enough sober time under my belt by then to resist.
Thank you for your post. It has further worried me that if someone with 5.5 months can crack under the pressure then so might I.
Tony
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Hi Tony,
I also went with an active addict spouse who has been progressively getting worse. I think my experience would have been far different if I had a supportive sober spouse or at least a supportive spouse who is a moderate drinker. So I should have said in my post that I am relieved to be done with cruises with an out of control active addict spouse. You should still be vigilant, however, as cruises do glamorize the drinking scene.
I also went with an active addict spouse who has been progressively getting worse. I think my experience would have been far different if I had a supportive sober spouse or at least a supportive spouse who is a moderate drinker. So I should have said in my post that I am relieved to be done with cruises with an out of control active addict spouse. You should still be vigilant, however, as cruises do glamorize the drinking scene.
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