I've had enough
 

I’m not sure where to start. I have had enough of alcohol.

I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, I can go for weeks without alcohol no problem. My issue is that when I start drinking, I just don’t know when to stop. I’m sick of making an idiot of myself by drinking too much. There are so many occasions that I can think of where I have embarrassed myself and done stupid things that I wouldn’t dream of doing when sober.

I think my issue is anxiety related. I never feel relaxed when I’m out until I’ve had a few drinks. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I see my friends perhaps once every 2 months, and the tradition is an all day drinking session ending with a curry. I don’t want to lose my friends, so the next time we meet up I’m going to take the car and meet up with them later for the curry. I don’t know how they’ll react when I tell them I’m not drinking.

I tried to speak to my wife about this, I think she thought that I’m overreacting. Other people will probably say the same. I’m not much of a talker anyway. I know the problem is my anxiety, I’m unsure about seeing the doctor though because I don’t like the idea of medication to fix it.

I haven’t drank for 6 days now but that’s not an achievement for me. My achievement will be if I can attend events and not drink. The next time I’ll be out is at the beginning of June. And then there are weddings and stag parties to deal with later this year. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this here, I suppose it’s so that I have some sort of record of how I feel right now. The majority of posts I have read are from people that deal with alcoholism on a day to day basis whereas my case is different.

Thanks for reading if you’ve read this far.

If drinking alcohol is an issue for you - then you have found a support network right here.

Tony

Welcome! Everyone has different situations. Lots of support here! Glad you posted.

In my experience, when people say, "I don't think I'm an alcoholic", they actually are.

I said those same words until I had to come to grips with the fact it was something out of my control.

I feel very unfortunate that your wife doesn't take you seriously. I lost my GF (who I thought I was going to marry) who was trying to help me with my alcohol problem that I did not want to address. Table has turned a little bit, you see, but the reality stays the same.

I'm 41 days sober now, but I lost everything to get here. Don't let it get to the point that I have. I used alcohol as a coping mechanism for my anxiety/depression/anger, whatever it was I found resolution in taking a drink. This lead me down some dark paths over the years.

I'm happy to see that you have stopped drinking, even 1 day for some is an achievement so don't start selling yourself short.

I've made some terrible mistakes while drunk and now I get to deal with the misfortune of trying to come to terms with a lot of the issues I have caused. I want to fix a lot of things. Some of those things very well may never have the chance to be fixed.

You've already addressed the issue, you've already acted on it. You know what you need to do.

I'm new here, too, but want to welcome you! Most of my biggest regrets in life happened while drinking. I think you have come to the right place.

Welcome! It's definitely worth talking to your doctor about your anxiety, there are many types of therapy that can help immensely without needing to take any medication at all. I know therapy sounds so 'blah' and believe me I didn't think it would help me one bit but it's made such a difference. It sounds like a good idea to give yourself a break from drinking so you can fully take stock of the situation. If your friends don't appreciate and accept your decision then that's their choice, your health and happiness is much more important than an all day session that they and you won't remember anyway.

Hey my first time here too. Your situation sounds similar to me. It seems hard giving up alcohol and keeping sociable with friends but at times it's necessary. Good luck with giving up. This page seems awesome and friendly I'm glad I joined.

Labels do not matter and know one but you knows where you are on the sliding scale of alcohol abuse. It does not matter. What matters is alcohol is causing you problems. Keep reading here. Keep posting. If you do not drink, all of those questions, shame, guilt and anguish over alcohol go away. It is actually very empowering to give up the habit of alcohol.

Hi Lazarus and welcome. Regardless of what label you want to identify with if alcohol is causing issues in your life then it makes sense to look hard at the issues. Not all of us were every day drinkers, if you read around there are people who were binge drinkers who could go long periods in between drinking.

I think issues with alcohol are usually indicated by the amount of room alcohol takes up in our head, and less about the amount or frequency. Normies simply don't obsess or plan or place that much importance on alcohol. They don't have to come up with elaborate plans to limit themselves, they don't head out the door at night when alcohol will be involved with their fingers crossed hoping it won't end in disaster. I think rather than worrying about labels sometimes it is worth noting how much energy you have to devote to drinking or not drinking.

I think most of us have an inner voice that we fail to listen to when it tells us something we don't want to hear. I kept ignoring that voice but I knew I was carrying around a secret. I didn't have marital, financial, or legal issues, but alcohol was definitely detracting from who I am. I didn't quit because I had lost everything, but because I had a lot to lose.

Alcoholism is progressive. I was a binge drinker in my 20's and 30's but as time progressed the binges got more frequent and my anxiety actually increased to a point where I started taking benzos to help.

Something that still shocks me after almost 4 years of being clean and sober is that fact that my anxiety ratcheted down so significantly once I quit drinking. In fact just recently I started to realize that I first started having panic attacks in my 20's while sitting in formal corporate meetings.....and it just hit me in the last few weeks that I was normallyhungover. The binge drinking started interfering with my nervous system way back then and the longer I drank the more and more haywire my entire physiology became.

Since I quit drinking I don't have those episodes because my nervous system settled down. It doesn't happen right away. But when you think of the effect dumping neurotoxins into your system has on your wiring, alcohol tamps everything down for a bit, but then the rebound continues to get worse and worse the longer we drink.

If you are standing at the top of a staircase and fall down a few stairs you don't stand up and fling yourself down the rest. Deciding that right now is as fall as you are willing to fall, before you lose everything, makes that climb back up easier.

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's nice to hear from people with experience of this, and also reassures me that I'm not overreacting either.

I have phoned my doctors surgery for an appointment this afternoon but could only get a telephone consultation in a couple of hours. I'm not confident talking about this with anyone, to be honest I don't even know where to start when talking to a doctor. I suppose i'll find out in a few hours.

Hey Lazarus, I'm not able to stop drinking when I start either. I tried moderation, drinking different drinks etc but nothing worked. Apart from abstinence. All my friends drink and I worried what they'd think when they realised I wasn't drinking anymore. Here's what I've learnt:

1) Most people don't care whether I drink or not. They've got their own stuff to think about.

2) As for the few friends who do make an issue about me not drinking, I'm fairly certain they've got their own issues with drinking. I think they liked me being drunk because it made them feel way better about their own drinking.

3) It is totally possible to enjoy social events without drinking (this was a real eye opener for me). I've had better conversations with people when I'm out socialising since I've been sober than during all those years of drinking. And I get to remember the conversations too. Bonus.

4) I always used to assume everyone I was socialising with was staggering around in the same state as me. Not true. I've learned that loads of people who drink know when to stop, so there's always people sober enough to talk to. I've also, shock horror, discovered that some people just don't like drinking. There's more sober people in pubs than I ever thought possible.

5) On the few occasions I've been out and everyone I've been with has started doing shots and got too drunk for me to handle, I've learnt that it's ok for me to call it a night and drive myself home. No one cares. The people doing shots can't remember what time I left anyway.

6) Waking up without hangovers never gets boring.

7) And as for knowing that I haven't behaved like an idiot? That knowledge is priceless.

Only you know what you need to do but for me, I don't regret my decision to ditch drink. Not for a single, sober moment. Good luck

Thank you kenton, I hope that my experience of giving up alcohol is as successful as yours. I'm starting to look forward to enjoying parties for what they are, and not regretting my actions over the following days and weeks.

Excellent points!!!

Regardless if you think you are an alcoholic or not, some of us just do better when alcohol is not in our lives. It sounds like that may be the case with you. I wish you the best.

Some great advice here - welcome Lazarus :)

D

If you can't or don't know when to stop, maybe you got a problem after all.

You can go for weeks? Okay. Except I've known self-confessed full-blown chronic certifiable alcoholics who drank only four or five times a YEAR. No kidding.

I never met the active alcoholic yet who didn't think they were different. The Unique Rabbit syndrome. It's possible you may find you aren't as different as you think you are, at least when if comes to drinking.

Lazarus is a good nickname! Not as good as Mark Twain, maybe, but I like Lazarus! I felt like Lazarus when I joined AA.

It's very good to have you with us, Lazarus. This is the best place ever for encouragement.

I finally realized that it wasn't how often I drank - but what it did to me when I did drink. I'd have the best of intentions, but once that first drink hit me all my good resolve went out the window. No such thing as willpower to control it - at least not for me. Once I admitted that, I was able to get free of it.

You can do it, Lazarus.

Welcome to SR Lazarus. I was a binge drinker also. The binges got longer and more frequent in my last few years of drinking. I went into the rooms of AA self proclaimed partier/ heavy drinker. I learned I needed to change much more about myself than just the massive amount of booze going down my throat. One piece of advice, don't future trip. Work on what you have today and worry about all the other stuff when it's time to worry about it. My AV keep me drinking much longer because I worried about what about having drinks at so n so's wedding etc. Commit to not drinking for the next 24 hours and worry about the next when you get there.

Good luck

It's now been 20 days since I last drank and things are going well. I went out with friends on Saturday for the first time since I stopped drinking. I had a great time, although at one point I did feel really anxious. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, that only last for about 5 minutes though.
They asked why I wasn't drinking and I basically told them the truth, that I act like an idiot when I'm drunk and don't know when to stop. They said that they didn't think I acted any differently to anyone else, but other than that they took it ok. They were very happy at the end of the night when I could give them a lift home in my car!

It was a strange feeling walking out of the pub at the end of the night and being sober. I almost felt a bit drunk, but I imagine it was just the atmosphere in the pub and then walking outside into darkness. It was great waking up without a hangover, and being able to remember the whole night and the conversations. I'm starting to feel really excited about being sober and seeing the world as it should be seen, not in a drunken haze.

Glad you're here and glad to see your last post!

What kind of a program could you work to develop sober muscles and keep going? Mine is AA - it saved my life- and others around here use different programs. The key being that most of us with any amount of sobriety (I have only 435 days today- still consider myself a n newbie) have a plan of action to live sober.

Good going and hope to see you around.