least

Congrats on 20 days sober! Keep going, it gets better.

Iazarus

Thanks for your reply, 435 days is a great achievement. I looked at AA and I'm not sure that its for me. I'm not much of a talker, and there are a few of their philosophies that I don't think I agree with. At the moment I'm feeling really positive, socialising sober on Saturday was a big eye-opener for me, it was probably the one thing that I was worried about most. To stay sober and still have a great time was enlightening.

Nikkabean326

You're here for a reason, Lazarus. Just like my guilt from binge drinking almost 10 days ago brought me here.

I hold a great job, I have a loving boyfriend and a tidy home, but I am a binge drinker through and through. I can't drink normally. I don't stop. I'll sneak it if I have to, I make bad decisions and I wake up not remembering what happened. Most of these times occur when I'm out with friends, weddings, birthdays, celebrations.. etc. My AV tried to convince me that I could moderate drinking. It's just not in the cards for me, so I've chosen a lifestyle of sobriety. I'm only 9 days in and going smoothly. The real test are those celebrations where I would normally get hammered.

I hope you keep writing here. The support system is unreal and unlike anything I've encountered before.

Iazarus

I could have written your post, the way I drank was exactly the same as you did. Nothing at all for weeks, and then go way of the top when there's a big celebration, and end up not being able to remember most of it. There are a couple of things that I'm going to try and remember from now on, the first is to choose who I socialise with so that I don't need alcohol to feel like I have something in common with them. The second thing is to leave when I feel like leaving, not when I'm expected to leave. I think if I stick to those points, not drinking will make me happier and become easier.

Nikkabean326

Bingo! I have always been the closer at any party I've ever been to. Much of the time I'm the last person sauntering out of a wedding and I'm not even the one that got married! I think the two points you touched base on are great ones. We all start somewhere and all our stories are different. We need to do what's best for us.

Hevyn

Great work, lazarus. Proud of you.

Dee74

Congrats on 20 days

There are a lot of methods utilised here. My advice is to read around a little...you may find an approach that sounds good to you

D

Femaleboss1980

Welcome and great to hear you succeded on a sober night out what did you do to achieve this my friends are very persuasive

Iazarus

My friends went out at 8 o'clock but I purposely didn't show up until after 9, by that time they had already had a few drinks so didn't seem that bothered with what I was doing. I also travelled there in the car, so I knew I couldn't drink even if I was tempted (which I wasn't). My friends were actually quite grateful that I was able to give them a lift home at the end of the night so it worked out pretty well for everybody, including me

Homesteadforage

My drinking also stemmed from anxiety (and depression). I just couldn't handle situations without being drunk... a lot of things just scared me too much- but when I was drinking I wasn't scared anymore. The problem happens when you realize you are dependent on alcohol to experience any of these situations... I'm only 13 days sober, but I'm looking forward to learning to deal with my anxiety without alcohol, one day at a time. I went out to dinner for my birthday the other night at a brewery, and every single person had a drink but me...and i'm learning one day at a time how to function and socialize without drinking. Keep posting and good luck!!!

Iazarus

I understand how you feel. I also feel like i'm learning to deal with anxiety, rather than using alcohol to get round it. Onwards and upwards!

Mizzuno

Good Job on 20 days...err 21 now, I think?

Anxiety seems like the one thing that most of us drinkers have in common. When I was drinking I had an immense amount of anxiety that would only be relieved by drinking (at least I thought). Now, I do have moments of anxiousness but those moments are becoming fewer and fewer.

Keep moving forward. Onward and upward!

Iazarus

Day 28. 2 days and I'll have been sober for 1 month.

Yesterday was the first time that I had a craving for alcohol. I'm meeting some friends from dinner on Friday night and I was looking for the menu on the restaurants website. They had a photo of a meal with a pint of lager next to it, it looked so appealing. The feeling of wanting alcohol stayed with me for a few hours after that, and probably didn't go completely until this morning. I need to keep thinking about the advantages of not drinking, but its difficult to accept that those days have gone. I want that feeling that I get after 3 pints, but that feeling only lasts for 20 minutes or so before it's gone and before I know it I've had way too much and I'm stumbling home. I don't want to avoid going out on Friday because I still want to socialise with my friends. This is going to take some getting used to.

Dee74

Congrats in 28 days.

If you feel that socialising right now will be too much temptation - consider not going.

Your AV will try and suggest this us the way life will be forever but thats just not true.

until I knew for sure I preferred being sober, I missed a few dinners and parties - I gained a sober life.

No contest

D

kenton

Well done Lazarus on 28 days. Yes, it does take some getting used to but just keep imagining what will happen if you drink on Friday. Actually, don't think about Friday night. Think about Saturday morning. Think about waking up feeling refreshed with good memories of the night before. And then think about waking up feeling sick and full of shame and remorse as you try to piece together the haphazard fragments of the night before.

I hope you have a good time on Friday. And a hangover free Saturday. Good luck

Iazarus

Thanks for your reply. I think the issue that I have, is that I only drink when socialising. I don't drink at home at all. So the longer I avoid going out, i'm just postponing the inevitable anxiety that comes with learning to socialise without alcohol. I feel that the only way to get past this is to tackle it head on and just do it.

Iazarus

Thank you, Saturday morning is exactly what I'm focusing on. I can't remember the last time I did as much in a weekend as I did in the one that has just passed. Getting up at 6 on weekend mornings has been a revelation to me, I'm not planning on giving that up anytime soon. Alcohol doesn't fit in with that so it will have to go.

Dee74

It's your choice Laz - but I think there's a lot of plot points on the graph between staying at home seeing noone on one hand and going out and immersing yourself in situations where you used to drink.

I often talk about building sober muscles - noone lifts 300 pounds the first time - you work up to it.

I started small - coffee dates, getting pizza, picnics, seeing movies, a little volunteering to get used to social situations....and I worked my way back up to being out in the world without a safety net.

Like I said, you'll do what you want - but make as sure as you can that your motives are good.

On my many failed recovery attempts I used to get a little vicarious pleasure from being around drinkers and the familiarity of the old gang and the old pub....

it's really not a big step from that to taking a sip 'just to taste' or to fit in etc...

D

Iazarus

It's day 33 without alcohol. That should be something to celebrate but I feel like I have let myself down. I went out on Friday for a meal with friends and had decided that if everyone else was drinking then I would too. As it happens, everyone was driving so I ended up just drinking soft drinks with them, but I had still made that decision beforehand.

I'm not sure what to do now. It feels like drinking again is inevitable and it's just a matter of time before I can't resist. I think I'm going to have to completely change my lifestyle if I want to succeed with this, it's not just a case of carrying on like before but drinking lemonade instead.

PhoenixJ

You did not drink. It is focusing on the next moment, not the one past. Nothing is inevitable...if you choose not to let it. Well done. Support to you.