Broke my 2 year sobriety
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 294
I spent years thinking I had the master plan. I'd worked it all out, I was in a better place etc etc. I couldn't hear the smart advice from those that had been there done that. I was blinded. I new better, they didn't know me, I was different in some way. Jeez Patrick, I hope you wake up BC I am practically guaranteeing you that at some point down the line, your addiction will take hold of you again. I don't care if you've sorted out your anxiety, it will find a way to take over again. I'm only just seeing this crazy disease for what it is and it makes me mad. So many wasted years, so many wasted lives. Crafty is an understatement. Good luck Patrick from the bottom of my heart. If you do manage to moderate, write a book you'll earn a fortune! I honestly don't meant or be harsh. I think I'm more angry with myself BC I'm only just seeing all this stuff for myself. Good luck mate.
01/28/2017
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 74
well i will give you my experience.
i sobered up at 24. never got pancreatitis, but suffered through pretty bad DTs several times.....not good for such a young age.
i got 4.5 years sober and the same kind of thinking settled in. i had cleaned my life up. all my debts were paid, legally i was all settled, i started a business was more independent and had a pretty good life. i figured i had "learned" enough that i would surely handle moderated drinking.
and i did! for a while....
for a long time i managed to keep it somewhat at bay, i never got near as bad as i did in the past and managed to keep my life together. but as time went on the drinking increased, eventually it did go back to the misery, the dread, the hopelessness. of course now being 10 years later and 10 years older i was seeing real health consequences too. my liver was showing clear signs of alcoholic liver disease and if i kept going i could see myself dying in short order.
no, i absolutely cannot control drinking. that is just a fact, no matter what my brain/AV/whatever tries to tell me. i have a disease that convinces me i don't have a disease.
the possibility always exists that you could be that rare case that finds success, but having been around the rooms of AA and NA for many years now and meeting a lot of people i have not encountered one person who managed to find the key to moderation. in all seriousness i hope medical science can find that key one day, it would save a lot of lives.....but for now i am happy to remain clean and give myself a chance at a great life.
please be careful patrick, don't take this lightly. IMO you are taking a very big risk.
i sobered up at 24. never got pancreatitis, but suffered through pretty bad DTs several times.....not good for such a young age.
i got 4.5 years sober and the same kind of thinking settled in. i had cleaned my life up. all my debts were paid, legally i was all settled, i started a business was more independent and had a pretty good life. i figured i had "learned" enough that i would surely handle moderated drinking.
and i did! for a while....
for a long time i managed to keep it somewhat at bay, i never got near as bad as i did in the past and managed to keep my life together. but as time went on the drinking increased, eventually it did go back to the misery, the dread, the hopelessness. of course now being 10 years later and 10 years older i was seeing real health consequences too. my liver was showing clear signs of alcoholic liver disease and if i kept going i could see myself dying in short order.
no, i absolutely cannot control drinking. that is just a fact, no matter what my brain/AV/whatever tries to tell me. i have a disease that convinces me i don't have a disease.
the possibility always exists that you could be that rare case that finds success, but having been around the rooms of AA and NA for many years now and meeting a lot of people i have not encountered one person who managed to find the key to moderation. in all seriousness i hope medical science can find that key one day, it would save a lot of lives.....but for now i am happy to remain clean and give myself a chance at a great life.
please be careful patrick, don't take this lightly. IMO you are taking a very big risk.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by patrickt1 
Well, it wasn't all smiles and what have you, my social life did suffer in a big way. I live in Ireland so we have little activities here that don't revolve around the drink. .. none really. I did feel very out of place. I'm a full time musician too. And a glass of wine with my dad, or a pint of stout with my close friends was dreadfully missed. It was a big adjustment.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: belfast
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by JustTony
I'll post something (in the paragraph below) that I sense a lot will disagree with? After that I'll get back on track with everyone else!
IF you had been a heavy drinker - even a very heavy drinker - especially at weekends - I would have said moderation was possible albeit not probable.
But you weren't. You nearly killed yourself at 22 years old. Moderation is not possible for you. You will slide back into insanity.
In addition you talk about being less anxious and now having a girl? What if the unthinkable happens and you break up? You know you can down ten pints and drink half a bottle of whiskey a day....
There are gradations of alcoholics in my opinion. At 22 years old you were a bad, bad case. I wouldn't risk it?
Lastly - and sorry to be personal - but you say you have a supportive network of family around you? They saw you nearly die at 22 years old and now they know you're drinking again and not stopping you? I wonder how many of them are very heavy drinkers?
IF you had been a heavy drinker - even a very heavy drinker - especially at weekends - I would have said moderation was possible albeit not probable.
But you weren't. You nearly killed yourself at 22 years old. Moderation is not possible for you. You will slide back into insanity.
In addition you talk about being less anxious and now having a girl? What if the unthinkable happens and you break up? You know you can down ten pints and drink half a bottle of whiskey a day....
There are gradations of alcoholics in my opinion. At 22 years old you were a bad, bad case. I wouldn't risk it?
Lastly - and sorry to be personal - but you say you have a supportive network of family around you? They saw you nearly die at 22 years old and now they know you're drinking again and not stopping you? I wonder how many of them are very heavy drinkers?
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I think your problem is with alcohol. I think your AV is telling you that your problem was with problems , and that the problems as a result of the alcohol didn't really have anything to do with alcohol, the problems with the alcohol won't happen again because the problems that caused the problems with the alcohol are now managed/able.
I think your problem is with alcohol. Your AV is telling you it isn't , stop listening to it.
I think your problem is with alcohol. Your AV is telling you it isn't , stop listening to it.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Have a friend quit for many years due to issues and circumstances. Decided to pickup a little whiskey once in awhile now for 10 years. Hasn't experienced the same painful trials and tribulations as yesteryear.
I go to a lot of meetings so I hear stories of others who went out and came back in. My personal attempts at moderation were fruitless, but I am not you nor you me.
This is why many consider alcohol to be
Cunning, baffling and powerful.........
Best of Luck!
I go to a lot of meetings so I hear stories of others who went out and came back in. My personal attempts at moderation were fruitless, but I am not you nor you me.
This is why many consider alcohol to be
Cunning, baffling and powerful.........
Best of Luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by patrickt1
Thanks a million for the advice it's really appreciated. It is tough in Ireland. We are masters at bottling up our issues and drinking to avoid them....
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