Time to change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
Time to change
Hi all. This is my first post and I am really hoping that speaking with people who share the same problem will help me. I have a drink addiction. I do not drink every day, but when I do it's to excess. I will only stop drinking when I can physically not drink anymore. My habit is mainly on a social scale i.e. Down the local pub, but if I am away with work staying in a hotel I have the same issue. I seldom drink while at home. I cannot settle with drinking 1 or 2 it has to be until I cannot drink anymore. Only yesterday I was in the pub just after 12 and left 10hrs later. I have no recollection of leaving the pub or walking home the next thing I knew I was waking up with his morning. This level of drinking has been going on for years now and I feel so ashamed of myself, I am suprised I have never lost my license driving the next day etc I have children and a loving wife and I feel so guilty with my actions because I am neglecting them and I am worried that being in such a drunken state is going to get me in trouble or hurt, which will obviously have a knock on effect. For the first time today me and my wife have spoken about it and both acknowledge I have an alcohol issue. Life in general is fine so I cannot understand why I have to drink like this but it has got progressively worse over the years as I can now drink more as I have become more tolerant of alcohol. I just don't know when to stop. When I am in a pub with friends they will go home but I will not leave until I cannot physically drink anymore. The hardest thought for me is not ever consuming alcohol again I have to be honest. However the feeling of guilt and shame in what I am doing to myself and my family is consuming me and it has me feeling very depressed. I understand that the only way to stop this feeling is to stop drinking completely, hence my first steps today. I don't know how I am going to deal with going somewhere socially and not having a drink but I want to gain the trust of my wife again.,I just want to look myself in the mirror and feel proud of myself instead of seeing someone who, at the age of nearly 40s who cannot control an addiction. I really don't know what was the route cause of my drinking. I do come from a family who like to drink and my dad is dependent on alcohol so I guess I have always been around it but I always thought this would not happen to me, shamefully it has. Thanks all for reading this, it's quite hard to explain how I feel but I do realise know that I have a problem and I am going to try my hardest to fix it. There are some very inspirational posts on here and I am hoping I can gain some strength from them.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Ts12. You'll find a lot of people here who understand how you feel and have been through it before. What you are experiencing is common, so know that you are not alone at all. Hope you can stick around and read some more and participate in our discussions. And congrats on making the decision to get some help, you won't regret it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
hey!! welcome!!!
I'm glad you're here. I can totally relate. Of course, I DID lose my driving license and DID get DUIs and DID lose a lot of things in my life as a result of drinking - but a lot of the very same things you have shared applied to me as well.
Finally in my 40s I got free of it.
The idea of never drinking again held a lot of daunting fear for me, too.
Nowadays (3+ years of sobriety on) - I'm thankful I'll never drink again.... because the life that has emerged in sobriety is worth so much more than toxic liquid could ever be.
You can do it.
I'm glad you're here. I can totally relate. Of course, I DID lose my driving license and DID get DUIs and DID lose a lot of things in my life as a result of drinking - but a lot of the very same things you have shared applied to me as well.
Finally in my 40s I got free of it.
The idea of never drinking again held a lot of daunting fear for me, too.
Nowadays (3+ years of sobriety on) - I'm thankful I'll never drink again.... because the life that has emerged in sobriety is worth so much more than toxic liquid could ever be.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
Welcome TS,
You have come to a great place for support. Most of us understand what you are going through. If you are willing to make the effort than you can get your life back on track. Good Luck!
You have come to a great place for support. Most of us understand what you are going through. If you are willing to make the effort than you can get your life back on track. Good Luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
Thanks everyone, really appreciate it. Going to take it one day at a time but to start with I am going to obviously stop putting myself in the firing line, and stay away from pubs/events with alcohol. I really don't know how to explain my issue with friends/family because they are aware that I drink, so when they see that I am not I am unsure what to say but like my wife has said maybe it's for the best to openly admit you have a problem.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Originally Posted by Ts12 
the feeling of guilt and shame in what I am doing to myself and my family is consuming me and it has me feeling very depressed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
WELCOME!!! Stuff to think about- PLANNING how you think and what you will do to stop drinking. AA/SMART meetings- most like me need f-f support. Counsellor- to work out the how's and why's. Doctor- to check health and do what is needed to heal. POST HERE. Journal.
SPPORT OFFERED. PJ
SPPORT OFFERED. PJ
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
How did you/anyone find the meetings? It must be very nerve racking to sit in front of people to start with. I am willing to give any form of help/assistance a go so am greatful if your comments and assistance. I have been looking on the site at different methods to assist recovery. I do find it difficult at the moment the actual realisation I have an issue is quite difficult to get your head around.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 374
Hi there. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Particularly the all or nothing kind of attitude to alcohol and feeling ashamed of how it effects family. I too am new to the forum and will eventually write a proper intro thread, but just trying to get my head around the fact that I've hit rock bottom first. It's a hard thing to admit to yourself. Good on you for taking the first step. I look forward to hearing updates about how you're going.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Welcome to SR TS!
What helped me the first few weeks is trying to stay in the day... If I thought too much about never drinking again, or how will I explain to friends that I'm not drinking anymore, or how will I deal with social events without a cocktail...it became overwhelming.
Thinking only about the day and managing to not drink for just that one day made it easier for me fathom. In the meantime, I came to SR and learned how people were getting sober.
You've definitely come to the right place if you are looking to change your life and find recovery!
Take care and hope to see you posting a lot!
What helped me the first few weeks is trying to stay in the day... If I thought too much about never drinking again, or how will I explain to friends that I'm not drinking anymore, or how will I deal with social events without a cocktail...it became overwhelming.
Thinking only about the day and managing to not drink for just that one day made it easier for me fathom. In the meantime, I came to SR and learned how people were getting sober.
You've definitely come to the right place if you are looking to change your life and find recovery!
Take care and hope to see you posting a lot!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
Once again thank you all for the supportive comments and advice, it's so helpful knowing you are not the only one to have had a problem.
I had a heart to heart with my wife last night. It was so difficult to look her in the eye and actually admit to being an alcoholic. However I feel better for having the chat. She asked me if I remembered coming home Sunday night to which I replied no. She actually had to help me up the stairs to get to bed. She said this was actually how I was becoming more and more often. I could not or have been unable to recall any past events after a drink. I also tried to explain the feelings of guilt/anxiety/depression the following day after a drink. I had been reading on SR about this and it could explain why I then go back to drinking excessively, to try and forget the last time and to help numb the pain. It's day 2 on my road to recovery but creative thinker I love what you have said about just taking it one day at a time and staying in the day. Thank you all.
I had a heart to heart with my wife last night. It was so difficult to look her in the eye and actually admit to being an alcoholic. However I feel better for having the chat. She asked me if I remembered coming home Sunday night to which I replied no. She actually had to help me up the stairs to get to bed. She said this was actually how I was becoming more and more often. I could not or have been unable to recall any past events after a drink. I also tried to explain the feelings of guilt/anxiety/depression the following day after a drink. I had been reading on SR about this and it could explain why I then go back to drinking excessively, to try and forget the last time and to help numb the pain. It's day 2 on my road to recovery but creative thinker I love what you have said about just taking it one day at a time and staying in the day. Thank you all.
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