Horn95

I detoxed beginning December 26. I lasted a few weeks. Since then I have sporadically stopped and started. For about the past week and a half though, I have consistently drank, and heavy at times. My anxiety and depression are near debilitating. I am self-medicating. I know this pattern. I am headed down a bad road.

I am starting over today. I had rough sleep last night, and woke up startled at one point, heart pounding, sweating. I am terrified that that was withdrawals, and not just anxiety. I am not shaking now though; or any other symptoms beside intense anxiety.

I am going to post on here when I start thinking about a drink. But as I wrote, this is very very difficult to do. Much harder than I thought it would be.

FreeOwl

congrats on sharing and opening up with your truth right now.

do you have any in-person support? a program ? a plan?

You can get free of this cycle!

Ghostlight1

I suffered from depression and anxiety and self-medicated, too.
I know the pattern also. You're aware of it, and you do not have to go down that road. There's a fork in that road-drink or sobriety. Which do you want more?
It is hard. It can be very hard. But you don't have to go it alone.
You can come here, you can go to an AA meeting. There are other recovery programs.
Keep coming back here if need be , and like you say, wen you feel like drinking.
I've been where you are and quitting can be done, and I hope you do.
We're all here for you.

Horn95

Thanks for all the kind and supportive words. And really is a simple choice. Recovery or misery. Just got to make it through the day.

PhoenixJ

See a doc? Counsellor, meetings, SMART, journal?? Keep posting, support to you.

Mizzuno

Yes, it is hard.
Yes, it gets easier
You will not always feel this way.

I approached it like this:
I am free now. I can live life now. I can be productive now. I am no longer killing myself. I dont have to hurt anymore. I have a choice.

All those little things I told myself and continue to tell myself are empowering. I want to be empowered and live a good healthy life.

One day at a time.

gregknight

My best to you! You can make it and you know that drinking again, just starts that miserable cycle over again. It will get better. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate, rest, don't do anything stressful. Watch a little TV and try your best to relax and keep your mind diverted. East some protein if you can keep it down; scrambled eggs maybe.

Anna

Horn, it IS hard, but have faith you can do it. Maybe this is time to work on your recovery plan a bit. If you managed 3 or so weeks of sobriety after Christmas, what happened at that point? Are there other lifestyle changes you could make to avoid that happening again? Keep reading and posting and you will get through this.

Forward12

It for sure is a vicious cycle of dealing with anxiety and depression by drinking, which just makes it worse, so you drink to kick the can, the hell comes back again, and the seemingly endless insanity of alcoholism is in full swing,..
I would highly suggest reaching out to a therapist to help with your issues, it has worked very well for me.

PippoRossi

Thinking of you, Horn. We can do this together!

Horn95

Thanks Pippo!!

Dee74

There are some really good ideas here for making a plan Horn.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html