Hello I'm Somegirl72
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 3
Hello I'm Somegirl72
Hello, I am an alcoholic with a young son. I am married to an alcoholic. I really want to get sober and am trying to keep the family together. We are in marriage counseling to figure it out. I am not sure my husband really wants to get sober but for a week he has been good outside of one day.
I'd really like AA. My struggle is my husband is extremely depressed....even though he's on anti-depressants. He works 80 hours a week. He loves my son but is totally clueless and when I am gone he pretty much ignores my son leaving him to watch TV in the other room. That is when he is awake....not sleeping or working. And to boot I moved 1000 miles away from home and have no friends to watch him. Some AA groups have childcare but most do not.
When I stop I get sweats, nightmares and wake up every hour. He drinks to medicate depression and I drink because I feel like a solo parent alienated from anything outside of my kid. It's overwhelming. But not fair to him and not healthy for me either.
Anyway, trying to begin my journey most importantly for myself and my son. I started drinking at age 12 and stopped at age 17. I joined AA. And once I left college I stopped AA and just kept alcohol out of the house. That worked until my mid 30's. I dated someone for 3 years who was a mild drinker but for me partaking it quickly spiraled. Especially when the situation turned abusive and left me afraid to close my eyes at night when it was all over. I knew my husband drank when I met him a year later. I just didn't put two and two together that it would lead here. I guess I was just blindsided by the excitement of being in love.
Thank you for listening to my story!
I'd really like AA. My struggle is my husband is extremely depressed....even though he's on anti-depressants. He works 80 hours a week. He loves my son but is totally clueless and when I am gone he pretty much ignores my son leaving him to watch TV in the other room. That is when he is awake....not sleeping or working. And to boot I moved 1000 miles away from home and have no friends to watch him. Some AA groups have childcare but most do not.
When I stop I get sweats, nightmares and wake up every hour. He drinks to medicate depression and I drink because I feel like a solo parent alienated from anything outside of my kid. It's overwhelming. But not fair to him and not healthy for me either.
Anyway, trying to begin my journey most importantly for myself and my son. I started drinking at age 12 and stopped at age 17. I joined AA. And once I left college I stopped AA and just kept alcohol out of the house. That worked until my mid 30's. I dated someone for 3 years who was a mild drinker but for me partaking it quickly spiraled. Especially when the situation turned abusive and left me afraid to close my eyes at night when it was all over. I knew my husband drank when I met him a year later. I just didn't put two and two together that it would lead here. I guess I was just blindsided by the excitement of being in love.
Thank you for listening to my story!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Welcome! Today can be your day one. Maybe your getting sober could be a great way to show your husband that it can be done. He will have to decide for himself whether or not he wants to go down that path, though. One thing's for sure, since he's drinking and alcohol is a depressant, his anti-depressant medication won't work. I know because I am also on anti-depressants and mine weren't working, either, while I was drinking. Keep posting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 3
Thank you! It is hard...though not uncommon for two addicts to marry. I have gotten angry and resentful weekends he has been drunk...sometimes for months on end offering no family time but ever so present for his corporate job. My 4 year old even at age 3 said "Don't drink alcohol. It makes you sick, mean and makes me worried".
I still get up and am able to do things with the child, unlike my husband who gets totally bedridden. But that's not the point. I still wake up tired, I still damage my body and have hangovers. And when I get angry, resentful I have drank as an excuse. And this enables my husband...we enable each other.
But I'm realizing if I have to leave him to get sober and be a single mother why no try to get sober first and see if he follows? And maybe we can have the ideal family a boy wants? I have to do it for me and not play into the cycle of blame. Trying to focus!
Thanks.
I still get up and am able to do things with the child, unlike my husband who gets totally bedridden. But that's not the point. I still wake up tired, I still damage my body and have hangovers. And when I get angry, resentful I have drank as an excuse. And this enables my husband...we enable each other.
But I'm realizing if I have to leave him to get sober and be a single mother why no try to get sober first and see if he follows? And maybe we can have the ideal family a boy wants? I have to do it for me and not play into the cycle of blame. Trying to focus!
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by Somegirl72 
Thank you! It is hard...though not uncommon for two addicts to marry. I have gotten angry and resentful weekends he has been drunk...sometimes for months on end offering no family time but ever so present for his corporate job. My 4 year old even at age 3 said "Don't drink alcohol. It makes you sick, mean and makes me worried".
I still get up and am able to do things with the child, unlike my husband who gets totally bedridden. But that's not the point. I still wake up tired, I still damage my body and have hangovers. And when I get angry, resentful I have drank as an excuse. And this enables my husband...we enable each other.
But I'm realizing if I have to leave him to get sober and be a single mother why no try to get sober first and see if he follows? And maybe we can have the ideal family a boy wants? I have to do it for me and not play into the cycle of blame. Trying to focus!
Thanks.
I still get up and am able to do things with the child, unlike my husband who gets totally bedridden. But that's not the point. I still wake up tired, I still damage my body and have hangovers. And when I get angry, resentful I have drank as an excuse. And this enables my husband...we enable each other.
But I'm realizing if I have to leave him to get sober and be a single mother why no try to get sober first and see if he follows? And maybe we can have the ideal family a boy wants? I have to do it for me and not play into the cycle of blame. Trying to focus!
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Yes, you have to get sober for you and for your child. You are deserving of a good life. Your child is deserving of a parent who is available with love and support.
Your husband may decide to follow in your lead. He may not. With time and patience all the answers will be there for you.
I believe in you.
Your husband may decide to follow in your lead. He may not. With time and patience all the answers will be there for you.
I believe in you.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I'm really glad you recognize that you need to get sober. Your child needs you as a fully-participating parent, especially since his father is not dependable. I'm sure the idea of being a kind of single parent is overwhelming at times, but I know you will be able to do this for your child. You can be the parent you want to be and be the mother that your son wants and needs. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Welcome sg. Good you are looking carefully at your life instead of just hoing, wishing it on luck or will power. Change means that- not doing the same stuff over. Informed decisions and choices magde with daily support, prof guidance and actions. Kepp posting. Emapthy and support to you.
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