A stark reminder
 

I had a rough day today. Kept having thoughts of "if I just keep the binge to a couple days, the withdrawal shouldn't be too bad". Yeah, right, there was never a couple days, it would be non stop for weeks. See, I never really had 'slips' that some people refer to, I always knew it would be full blown.

I didn't drink but it was a long day and it's been a longer night. So I came on here and read some of my posts. It's so true that withdrawal just gets worse and worse and I never to have to go through it again, as long as I don't drink.

The inability to sleep more than a few drunk hours before withdrawal kicked in.
The praying there were a couple beers left since the store wasn't open.
Always ending at the point where I hadn't eaten, showered, tended house for days, weeks is more like it.
Then the day would hit where I couldn't get to the store, already in too bad of withdrawal.
The uncontrollable shaking, almost more convulsing muscles.
The vomiting for 12 hours or so.
The buckets of vomit kept in close reach.
The cases of beer strewn about the kitchen, counters covered, some on the floor. I couldn't bear to face it.
The anxiety, not knowing what I've done with work, what bills are due, or overdue.
Heart pounding out of my chest, blood pressure skyrocketing, to the point I was terrified.
No sleep for at least 36-48 hours, then terrible fitful sleep.

Not for me. Never again. That stupid AV telling me it'll be ok... HA! I'll be tired tomorrow, but sober, healthy, and ready for another sober day.

Glad I could come on here for a look in the mirror of where I was. I don't post often anymore, sometimes I think it was a bit of a trigger for me in the very early days. But I'm still around.

well done on another day sober.
By the sounds of it things got very serious by the end of your drinking.

The longer you stay sober the quieter that av will become and the more clarity you will have about how alcohol affected you.

Took me awhile to see the truth about my condition and how close I came to loosing everything including my life, whilst I was in it I thought it was normal to drink and behave the way did, that's how warped my sence of reality had become.

Keep putting them sober days together and don't look back you will not regret it i promise.

Peace

:scoregood:grouphug:

You described what I went through, too - hell, pure and simple. And you're right- we never have to do it all again (or any part of it!) if we don't drink.

Glad you played this through and wrote it out - remembering specifics that I did to myself....sometimes a good dose of reality for me too.

Keep going!

Great post,it helped to remind me why I never want to drink again. Thanks!

It's for sure a great idea to "play the tape forward" when thoughts of drinking come along. The aftermath is pure hell, and not something you ever want to experience again.

Bravo on a terrific post and being true to yourself.

Hooray you!!

Thank you all! So glad I stuck it out, today is a much better day. Can't wait for the Easter bunny tomorrow!

Great post, MovingForward. I strongly identified with so much of what you said, very well put! It's scary how fast I'd turn into a total alcohol-seeking degenerate machine once I started drinking, just a matter of days.

Our AVs are consummate liars, for sure.

So glad that you shut yours down, MovingForward. Good job.