mns1

I drank last night after 4 days and am of course disappointed with myself today. Cravings were getting worse and worse. Started feeling the anxiety by late afternoon and without thinking picked up a bottle of rum on my way home. Laid in bed for a long time trying to resist the cravings but couldn't fall asleep even though I was really tired.

Just really disappointed with myself today. but I'm not going to take the coward's way and just stop posting on here out of shame. I just feel like a wimp because I suffer no physical withdrawal symptoms and I know many people endured way worse than I have to to get sober.

PhoenixJ

Welcome- keep posting. Read and learn. Perhaps get to a meeting.

Alan6154

No one here holds the patent on sobriety. And physical withdrawal is different for everyone. That does not lessen the psychological impact of quitting and that is different for everyone.

What one man can do, another can do..

Keep posting and start again. You have to really want this.

Berrybean

I can understand your disappointment. Thing is, you could make this a learning experience. Even if all you've learned is that you need to strengthen your plan. What does your plan look like at the moment? What can you add to it? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

Could you get to an AA meeting today? Why not look up the places and times of the meetings in your area and get to one? If that's a 'no' then what can you add instead? Sure as eggs are eggs, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

You can sure things around. With acceptance and willingness.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

doggonecarl

Without thinking? I contend you were doing a lot of thinking...about drinking. And if you stopped thinking about anything, it was about your sobriety.

I don't know what your "plan" is, or what you have in place to deal with the obsession to drink that plagues all of us in early recovery. Maybe you have something and you didn't implement it. Regardless, you've struggled for a while to get sober on your own. Maybe it's time to realize that structured program of recovery and relapse prevention can help you.

ScottFromWI

Glad you came back mns. What can you learn looking back? Do you think perhaps you need a better plan to deal with "cravings" when they come? Anxiety and stress will always be there, so you need to find healthier ways to deal with them. Cravings are really just feelings - they only exist inside your mind. With the right plan you can respond to them however you choose.

If you've never read the following thread before in your time here you might want to - it really details what it means to "have a plan".

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Soberwolf

Do not be dissapointed - Mns do not dwell on this it's happened them 4 days were great building blocks to build upon - It's not the end of the world and today is that new day

Keep pushing forward & don't even think about it no more

digdug

Hey man,

Glad you're back. I second Carl and Scott's suggestion on a formal recovery plan, whether it's AA, addiction therapist or other face to face support.

As much as we try, some of us just can't push through the cravings of early sobriety with merely brute force and sheer will. I've shared this with you before - you live in a great area for recovery. There is abundant help available if you want it. I wouldn't be sober today without the Philly recovery scene. I just couldn't do it on my own.

Keep posting and maybe think about what else might help supplement SR in your recovery. You have options.

Good luck!

mns1

Thanks guys I do have some things I've planned to do when cravings hit like leaving the house for a walk or journaling but night I was lazy and instead just laid in my bed trying to resist with sheer will as you said digdig.

Face to face meetings are tough for me because of my schedule, but I will look at what the times are in my area over the next week.

Scott I have never read that before gonna give it a read later this afternoon when I have some downtime.

MarkTwain

Well well well...I must be a wimp too!! I was a daily, every day, maintenance and sometime binge drinker for almost twenty years before I quit, and I didn't suffer any physical withdrawals at all, none, zero. So, how do you like them apples?

Let's count ourselves lucky.

Maybe you would like to quit while the going's good? Try AA with an open mind just for the hell of it. Thirty meetings in thirty days, sixty meetings in sixty days, ninety meetings in ninety days.

Just for the hell of it. It's only a month and a half. No big deal. If you don't like it, stop going.

What do you got to lose? An hour a day for the next month and a half?

MarkTwain

Don't take this the wrong way, but how's that drinking schedule working for you?

aasharon90

Do you know anyone personally, like a
friend, a family member, relative who
had an addiction problem and got into
recovery that you can reach out to. Maybe
someone who works with you. A neighbor.

It would help a lot if you have someone close
to you to call upon or meet up with to help
you stay the course and not give into that
temptation or urge to drink. To know that
you never have to go thru this process all
by urself. That support from a fellow member
in recovery.

Grab a hand, phone number, coat tail so
to speak before driving for alcohol, picking
it up and setting you back on that merry
go round of madness that comes with addiction.

Just a few thoughts from a fellow recovery
member who is one amongst many who have
found success in remain sober one day at a
time.

Arcsoul

Mns it's ok just put that where it belongs in the past you can't change the fact that you drank but you can change that you don't drink today. Go back in that April 2017 thread and sign in for another day and we will make it. I want you to be there in a year when we can both post our one year anniversary in April. Good luck buddy I'm with you friend me message me whatever you need I'm there.

mns1

Thanks I don't know anyone close who has gone through recovery I'm considering meetings the only time I would really have is late at night (which is when I drink) so I'll have to see if there are any late ones nearby.

Tonight I'm going straight to my girlfriend's house from work and spending the night there. She doesn't keep alcohol in the house.

JustTony

I think the clue is in the title of your thread?

"Disappointed".

I'm not judging you one bit as I'm only on 18 days - so I'm just a baby in sobriety. But "disappointed" just seems a bit of a lukewarm response to me.

"Devastated", "Distraught", "Mortified", "Bereft" et al would have spoken to me more...

I guess I'm asking if you're REALLY ready to want to completely quit?

SoberLeigh

Never give up, mns.

Please always keep us as a strong part of your plan. There is always someone here who will bring sobriety front and center.

SteveAlex

Have you tried AVRT?

AnvilheadII

so here is something you know for sure - cravings WILL come.
here's what you have yet to fully discover - cravings will GO.
no one ever died from a craving. they might have gone a wee bit mad, but it's temporary!!

one of the chapters in your sobriety handbook will need to be on "How to Manage Cravings" - there is a great thread here on Urge Surfing....somewhere, sorry i'm useless in the <<insert link here>> stuff.

getting past a craving helps us build our sober muscles. every time we say NO and stick to it, we begin to build a battalion of sobriety soldiers.

ok enough metaphor. don't drink, no matter what.

mns1

I have read into AVRT. I'll reread it. Honestly I've been reading into every suggestion that's been presented to me here and it makes sense to me to just start putting together a plan that incorporates elements of everything.

SteveAlex

Yep. Thats what I do. Take what I can use and leave the rest behind.