2muchpain

tough week, not for me but for others. Worked three days in a high school I am new to. Listened to ninth graders share their sexual experiences. Broke my heart cause I couldn't do anything about it but give my opinion. Gotta be careful cause giving an opinion on topics like this can land you in serious trouble. Worked with other students that were really struggling to understand the work but were trying so hard with little help. Trying to help students from Africa that would not accept any help and another from Australia that seemed totally lost. Trying to connect with kids from inner cities that don't trust anybody. A kid from El Salvador, another from the Dominican Republic , another from Puerto Rico. And this was only a two day assignment. Probably time to move on to something less emotional. I really enjoy working with these kids but I don't know if the toll is worth it. If I don't figure it out soon, it might be the death in me. Don't know how to move on and save me yet keep caring. John

2muchpain

Even after only two days, I didn't want to leave them. Good thing I retired from teaching when I did. Otherwise I'd be either dead or in a mental institution. John

2muchpain

So much for posting what is on my mind. Wouldn't have gotten any more responses from an AA meeting, If I did, I would of given a duh? Seriously dead silence. All I hear are crickets. Done with this place. John
'

kenton

Hey 2muchpain, wish I was more knowledgeable and could give decent advice about how you can save yourself whilst caring for others. I don't know what the answer is but I do think that you sound like a really strong, caring person; those three days last week clearly meant a lot to you. I hope you work out a way to keep yourself safe whilst being there for others.

bronzie

John, I am a teacher also, and work with a lot of children in foster homes. Although these kids are much younger than high schoolers, I can definitely relate to the emotional toll it takes on a teacher. I really want the best for them, but have no control as to what happens when they leave. Some of these kids come from very difficult situations, and being at school is their only form of structure, and maybe even the place they get most of their food, care and attention. I'm sorry you are having a tough time, but just stay strong and know you are doing the best you can. And please do not drink over it. There is only so much one person can do. It sounds like you have a very caring heart, and even if you help one child, know that you are making a difference!

Dee74

Hi John

we're going into a long weekend - I wouldn't read anything personal into the initial lack of reply

Teaching is a very special job I think - I don't know how you would stop some of the kids getting under your skin.

I have to have good boundaries here, and expect it'd be even more needed as a teacher.

I've found sometimes anyone wants is someone to listen to them, and take an interest in what their saying, not necessarily fix their world.

I'm sorry if the assignment upset you, but who knows -some of those kids might remember that nice substitute teacher guy for years to come?

Have a safe happy and sober Easter John,

D

Eastcoaster20

Hi John, Dee had some really good insight. I work with victims of domestic violence in the legal system and hear and see the most tragic things. I used to use drinking as a coping mechanism when things got too difficult to deal with. But I've learned over the years to have boundaries. Like Dee stated, most people need someone to listen. And you never know who you're positively affecting by just simply being there for them. Focus on your gifts of empathy and supportive nature and know you're making a difference even if you don't see it. It took me years but now I'm able to work each day in the emotional trenches and leave without taking the trauma home with me. Setting boundaries is something you consciously have to put effort into but worth it in that it allows you to keep helping others.

2ndhandrose

Thank you, John, for what you are doing for those kids. I was one of those kids and I can still remember the teachers who really cared.

Take care of yourself, stay sober. You are worth it.

PhoenixJ

2MP- how others share is not in your control. Just as the plight of the unfortunate kids you mentioned. I for instance have had a really crappy Good Friday. Dealing with my own misery. I do keep an eye on the threads and offer support when I see it appropriate. I empathise with your pain. B But as a professional- it is important to keep that prof. distance. For their safety as well as yours. To help with out personalising. Not one of us can change the world. What we can do is listen to others objectively, do what we do with respect and helping them with empathy and compassion. If you feel really stressy- perhaps debrief with a colleague?
Support to you.

LadyinBC

I am sorry you are having a tough week. I have been gone for over a year from this site and I am glad to see you still here and posting.

I have had a tough last 2 weeks myself and it is comforting to see lots of familiar faces still here.

least

I hope you can find some peace of mind.

2muchpain

A big part of why I retired from teaching besides the paperwork, useless meetings, etc. was knowing the emotional toll it was taking on me. The drain was too much. I guess this week was a good reminder of why I quit when I did. But these kids are so needy and I have never been good at boundaries. You wouldn't believe how far I went to help these kids. Looking back I can't believe what I did to help them, but I did it cause I could. Back in the day, one of the reasons why I bought a van was to haul these kids around from after school programs to selling candy to pay for their summer school programs. I am proud of what I did, but the price it took on me was big. I'm not bragging at all. I've told any new teacher that I have any contact with not to do what I did. Not a healthy lifestyle. After all these years, I am still paying for it. John

AnvilheadII

yeah, i don't think a teacher with a VAN hauling kids around would go over so well today.

if it seems like working directly with the kids is taking too much of a toll, maybe there are other volunteer positions that still benefit the students but leave you a little more intact?

Mountainmanbob

Hi John
As you know my friend, my wife is also a teacher. I understand what a demanding job this can be. She takes good care of herself John, otherwise she says that, "she would not make it through her work day."

You have been teaching a very long time, be sure to take time for yourself. If the stress level is too high -- it's just not worth it for us (getting older) guys. Let the younger ones take over. Hard for us at times but, may be a smart move for us?

Your friend,
Bob

2muchpain

Done with this Bob. Done with people saying quit not feeling for yourself. Why not? Done with people saying things will get better. No there not. If I'm drunk today or drunk tomorrow, nobody will care. If that's self pity, who really cares. Nobody is going to call or knock on my door to show they really care. Things are what they are and nothing is gonna change. People die from drinking alone all the time. I just happen to be one of them. I'm sitting home alone drinking. So what? I won't wake up tomorrow with someone who cares. Am I feeling sorry for myself, SURE, but what difference does it make? So people here on SR can chew on their Easter ribs or barbeque stuff and say their lives are miserable cause they have a drinking problem. REALLY? What a joke. John

2muchpain

Look people, no offence but I know what its like being a drunk with family and friends around and what it's like not having people around you that care. Believe me there is a difference whether they support you or not. At least they are there. Try quitting drinking by yourself and see how that feels. John

PhoenixJ

I died from booze- my family umped me the same day. I quit booze by myself- with meetings, SR and getting any help that I could find

SoberLeigh

You are a good man, John.

You have done what I could never, ever have achieved.

Thanks to you and to all of those who teach. Many thanks.

Dee74

Well, a lot of us drank away our family and friends support John.

I don't know if it's harder that way because I never did it any other way - but it is possible to recover with places like this and things like AA or other recovery groups - noones doomed

D

AnvilheadII

So people here on SR can chew on their Easter ribs or barbeque stuff and say their lives are miserable cause they have a drinking problem. REALLY? What a joke.

wow, how did you get there from the original topic of you working with underprivileged youth? all the responses here were thoughtful, positive and supporting you.

you are in self pity. that is what alcohol does to people. the world could really benefit from a sober John who has so much to offer. i''m not sure how SR became the enemy.............