Day 11
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 7
Day 11
I started my recovery this time by ending up in jail for a P.I. for the 3rd time. I've been drinking nearly every day for the last 10 years, and waking up in jail this time with the sweats, shakes, vomiting, and terrible anxiety really messed with me. I'm still not sure what happened, but my bloody feet and scratched and bruised body told me all I needed to know, I had done it again. I was held for 24 hours, and had all that time to think about what I had done to myself, family and friends for the past decade.
My first drink was at 14, and I drank until I vomited all over the living room and passed out on the living room floor at my grandfather's home. It was a damning moment in my life, since the year before my mother had passed away from cirrhosis, and I was witness to the whole ordeal. I don't ever really remember her sober, and it was something I hated. But that day, I decided to walk in her shoes. It was awhile before I drank again, and when I did, I drank myself to oblivion each and every time. At 18, I fell in love with a fellow alcoholic, and the violence that came with that. For 6 years, we drank, beat the **** out of each other, and each morning again professed our love to each other until the day came when we couldn't even look at each other without thinking of the things we had done to one another. It ended as abruptly as it began. But not my alcoholism. It took its own course. Drinking alone every night. Drunk calls to the family until they would no longer answer them, no matter what hour of the day. There was always a good chance I'd be wasted. Drunk nights wandering around waking up with no memory, many times losing phones, wallets, keys and anything else imaginable. After losing 3 jobs in a row, and getting kicked out of the place I was renting a room, I was homeless. I bought a ticket as far south as I could, and stayed in a homeless shelter for a month. Then, with luck, I was offered a job back at my original job with the promise of good attendance. I moved back, and was homeless for another month. Going to work, giving plasma to afford my drunk, getting wasted, passing out wherever I could and bathing at the nearest Starbucks before work. This PI I didn't lose my job as I was off the next day. So now I've made it 11. The first days for some reason were easy. Now, they are getting harder. I can't sleep, have lost my appetite, and constantly think about the bottle. However, I am just as determined to quit as I was to find a drink just a week and a half ago. I am going to do this, if not for anyone but me. I'm not sure if this is what we are supposed to post about, but I feel better already. I'm a 28 year old recovering alcoholic with my whole life in front of me. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Ben
My first drink was at 14, and I drank until I vomited all over the living room and passed out on the living room floor at my grandfather's home. It was a damning moment in my life, since the year before my mother had passed away from cirrhosis, and I was witness to the whole ordeal. I don't ever really remember her sober, and it was something I hated. But that day, I decided to walk in her shoes. It was awhile before I drank again, and when I did, I drank myself to oblivion each and every time. At 18, I fell in love with a fellow alcoholic, and the violence that came with that. For 6 years, we drank, beat the **** out of each other, and each morning again professed our love to each other until the day came when we couldn't even look at each other without thinking of the things we had done to one another. It ended as abruptly as it began. But not my alcoholism. It took its own course. Drinking alone every night. Drunk calls to the family until they would no longer answer them, no matter what hour of the day. There was always a good chance I'd be wasted. Drunk nights wandering around waking up with no memory, many times losing phones, wallets, keys and anything else imaginable. After losing 3 jobs in a row, and getting kicked out of the place I was renting a room, I was homeless. I bought a ticket as far south as I could, and stayed in a homeless shelter for a month. Then, with luck, I was offered a job back at my original job with the promise of good attendance. I moved back, and was homeless for another month. Going to work, giving plasma to afford my drunk, getting wasted, passing out wherever I could and bathing at the nearest Starbucks before work. This PI I didn't lose my job as I was off the next day. So now I've made it 11. The first days for some reason were easy. Now, they are getting harder. I can't sleep, have lost my appetite, and constantly think about the bottle. However, I am just as determined to quit as I was to find a drink just a week and a half ago. I am going to do this, if not for anyone but me. I'm not sure if this is what we are supposed to post about, but I feel better already. I'm a 28 year old recovering alcoholic with my whole life in front of me. Thank you all for your encouragement.
Ben
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Ben - your story is tragic but you are not.
11 days is absolutely monumental given the state of your addiction for the last 14 years. It is a moving and sobering account of what alcohol can do to a man.
Your story has really touched me this morning. I will think of you all day and hope you find the strength to just keep finding the resolve to say "I will not drink today" and find where that takes you in the course of time.
Tony
11 days is absolutely monumental given the state of your addiction for the last 14 years. It is a moving and sobering account of what alcohol can do to a man.
Your story has really touched me this morning. I will think of you all day and hope you find the strength to just keep finding the resolve to say "I will not drink today" and find where that takes you in the course of time.
Tony
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Your story has touched me too. In it I see my past, present and future (if I don't stay quit) all jumbled up.
My parents were both alcoholics. Dad died of liver cirrhosis when I was 14. My mum is thankfully in recovery but also after putting us kids through some hellish times. I didn't start to drink as early as you did but I am almost sure that that first drink I had at 20 ensured I was well on the way to following in my parents footsteps. After a 12 years drinking career where it has progressively become worse, I've made the decision to quit. I have a one year old son who I don't want to repeat mine nor his grandparents' mistakes. When you said you 'never really saw your mother sober' it really struck a cord and reinforced my resolve to never go back to alcohol. My son deserves better than to be raised by a drunken mom. Thank you for your post and I'm rooting for you to stay sober. Be strong. You're not alone in this and while you cannot do anything to change the past and the circumstances in which you were brought up, you have all the power and control over your future. You deserve better.
My parents were both alcoholics. Dad died of liver cirrhosis when I was 14. My mum is thankfully in recovery but also after putting us kids through some hellish times. I didn't start to drink as early as you did but I am almost sure that that first drink I had at 20 ensured I was well on the way to following in my parents footsteps. After a 12 years drinking career where it has progressively become worse, I've made the decision to quit. I have a one year old son who I don't want to repeat mine nor his grandparents' mistakes. When you said you 'never really saw your mother sober' it really struck a cord and reinforced my resolve to never go back to alcohol. My son deserves better than to be raised by a drunken mom. Thank you for your post and I'm rooting for you to stay sober. Be strong. You're not alone in this and while you cannot do anything to change the past and the circumstances in which you were brought up, you have all the power and control over your future. You deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 81
Ben23 - Have you tried AA? I'm on day 10 and doing my 10th meeting today. I'm 45 and can't remember ever going this long without a drink. When I stopped I was a daily drunk for years, an Alcoholic for decades probably. I'm Agnostic and it's working for me so far. Hearing others stories and how their lives have changed and how they did it, helps keep me stay focused on my sobriety and helps fight the cravings.
Whatever you decide, fight it urges. You deserve a good life my friend, we all do
Whatever you decide, fight it urges. You deserve a good life my friend, we all do
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Ben- good post. Support on the ground, every day. For me- that means here, AA meetings, SMART and professional counselling. Keep a notebook with you- write stuff down- even when it is crap, and especially when you do not want to. Do not throw it out- you can use it as a guide to thinking and growing. Remember to eat, hydrate- shower and sleep. Avoid people and places where there is booze. Over Easter- just for the people, why not go to church/ Lots have tea/coffee after. Maybe get some food ,meet others- even pick up some useful info. See a doc if u can about your health.
Suppport to you, keep posting- PJ.
Suppport to you, keep posting- PJ.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Keep up your efforts.
I found outside support to be critical as my own determination always withered. Not trying to dissuade your bootstrap efforts but if you start to struggle realize your not alone.
SR is an important part of my recovery but desired to be f2f with others in recovery.
I found outside support to be critical as my own determination always withered. Not trying to dissuade your bootstrap efforts but if you start to struggle realize your not alone.
SR is an important part of my recovery but desired to be f2f with others in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
Congrats on Day 11, Ben. I found these forums on my 14th day and checking in here daily has helped me tremendously. I am sure you will find the same thing. There are some great people here!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
