Stewy84

Posting to say thanks

I am overwhelmed with the support provided on this unbelievable forum

Those who've pm me, I will reply

I'm in a mess again tonight, I'll be sober in the morning though, and starting the good fight

I can't believe how the break up has ****** me up so much

She hasn't even bothered to get in touch, not enough that I've given my house up

Saw my old neighbour before, he realises how bad the drink issue is now

He was echoing advice from here, I like him, he's a trusted friend

Thanks for the support and the guys who pm me you know who you are it means a lot

I know I have huge issues it's not even just alcohol it's junk food too but this forum is for alcohol

My head is everywhere tonight, I wish my girlfriend was just humble. She is vulnerable but at the same time can be very nasty. It's been a really disruptive time.

I have to go to bed tonight with some hope that I'll end this madness tomorrow

I hope that one day I'll have the confidence in myself to go get what I want in life and not worry about the negative

I wish I was wise

Eastcoaster20

You are wise Stewy. You're wise enough to want to stop and wise enough to come here for support. I know it's difficult but try to put the gf issue on the back burner for now and make it your number one goal to not drink tomorrow. Put all issues aside for now bc sometimes worrying about everything is too overwhelming and thoughts get scattered. One issue at a time.

Hevyn

I agree - wise enough to refuse to settle for a life of misery & dependency. You are keeping yourself in a weakened state - you can get strong again & have the life you deserve.

Dee74

I'm confident you'll find love again Stewy - and it could be all for the better if you commit to working on yourself now.

Continue to drink and you're pretty much looking at your future right now.

I hope you really do decide to make tomorrow day one of your life Stevy - looks like a good day to do it.

D

Stewy84

All the cans of beer are piled up in a bin bag in my bedroom

My brain is saying go get more, at the moment I haven't drunk today, I've got no alcohol in the house

I feel wrecked like I'm trying to contour reasons to drink like it's a good idea

My mum and dad just don't know what to do

thomas11

I can't say much more than has already been said through this relapse. But you know where this goes Stewy and it doesn't end well. Respect thyself, be a responsible adult and do what's right for yourself and society. I hope you don't drink today, or tomorrow or....etc...

SoberLeigh

Don't buy more alcohol, Stewy. Ignore that voice in your head.

Stay here; talk to us.

MsCooterBrown

Stewy damn. Not the end. I am reaching out with a cyber hug.

Nonsensical

One of the most difficult things I had to come to terms with was that my brain was lying to me.

Here's a fun activity: Get out a piece of paper and a pen. Write down the 5 worst things that will happen if you DON'T go get more. I crack up every time I try to do it.

ScottFromWI

There's nothing they can do Stewy. You are the only one that has the power to take action today.

Go to a meeting
call the therapist
check into rehab options

Those are the things you can do right now to make positive change. All the rest of it is just AV inside your head, don't listen to it.

Soberwolf

Hang in there brother stay chatting here with us your friends we'll get you through

Lava256

I hope the same for you Stewy. I had to go back to your previous threads to get some BG info (I went as far back as August 2016 - so not too far, really). However, due to your acute focus on your girlfriend, I feel that you may need to look into therapy. It's easy for someone who isn't you or her to say just forget about her and concentrate on yourself but it is clear you have thus far not managed to do that. Did you eventually get a job? (sorry if you've addressed this elsewhere - I'm just referencing a previous thread where you said you hadn't gotten a job you'd interviewed for).

Therapy and serious plan for sobriety. You've had 2.5 years of sobriety previously. You can surely do it again. And for good, this time.

Wishing you all the best and looking forward to more of your posts.

Stewy84

I still love my girlfriend but it was not working and I'm having trouble letting go

Returning to parents house was a bad move

Yes I have a job in a management position and have done for a bit think the interview was for a promotion

I've not drunk tonight but my mind set isn't right I can feel it

I'm isolated and I'm dreading this bank holiday weekend with no work

Stewy84

My girlfriend was nice to everyone else but behind closed doors she was quite difficult at times

I consider myself mild mannered yet she was hot tempered and irrational

I'm lonely now though, and sad. Sadness that I didn't make her happy and I'm back on beer

gregknight

Stewy, as hard as it may seem, right now, you need to concentrate on only one problem; drinking. That is the ONLY problem at the moment. Do everything you can to not buy any alcohol. Do whatever it takes to stop drinking. Just imagine that if you can get some sobriety, all your other problems can be manageable. You can get rid of so much of your misery, with just a relatively short time of sobriety. A prayer for you from me.

ScottFromWI

So make a plan to not be isolated. There is a community thousands strong at the tip of your fingertips right here on SR. There are also several groups of people a short drive from your house who know exactly how you feel and exactly what you should do next. You also have access to professionals that can help you move onward and upward.

Self pity and drinking will get you nowhere but further down - I hope you find the strength to take some action.

Delizadee

Stewy I think it's time to narrow things down and stop muddling in the swamp of shame, guilt and despair. Let's try and put some objective light on your situation:

1. You're lonely - SR is a good first place. Next, call and see a friend. A counsellor. Get to a meeting. Get some interaction with some understanding people. If you're not ready to talk, just get out and be among humanity. It helps. Do whatever you need to do to NOT be isolated in this vulnerable time.

2. You're sad- it's ok to feel sad. Accept it. It will pass. Numbing it with alcohol will only prolong or put off the sadness temporarily. Don't use the dealing with it later as an excuse to drink now. Sitting with your feelings and walking through them is the only way to get past some of the sadness. This will not last forever, if you don't let it.

3. Back on beer- get off it. Don't drink. Take whatever measures you need to to get back on the horse. Leave your parents if you feel they are unsupportive or you are a burden to them or they to you- whatever it takes to lessen some of those guilt and shame feelings. You gotta put yourself first to make yourself better. You don't get well by giving someone else your medicine.

4. Your girlfriend- Let yourself feel grief and sadness and let go of the resentment. Dwelling on all of it is making you turn to drinking. Tell her (in your head) she does not matter so much to you at the moment, and you are sending her peaceful thoughts in your head.

5. The "I'm a failure so it's ok" mentality isn't serving you well my friend. You're not a failure and you can surely do this. Failure really is an option and you don't have to choose this way anymore. Choose the better option. You know how to do this. We're all here for you, rooting you on.

SoberLeigh

Thought of you, Stewy, when I saw this.

Life CAN get better. Go for it.

tomsteve

some words I once read come to mind reading your replies,stewy

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.

that self pity did nothing but keep me drunk and kept alcohol as my master.
so I got a new master and got into action.
haven't drank since.

SoberLeigh

Good words, indeed, tomsteve.