Ignoring calls
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
Ignoring calls
I decided to join because I feel like the people that I am surrounded by just don't understand what it is like to be the girlfriend of a recovering meth addict. Most people get turned off by it and just tell me to leave him. If anyone can help me with this, I'd appreciate your thoughts...
He is at an inpatient treatment facility. And since he has been there for a month now... he is allowed to make phone calls. Yesterday was his second irate phone call with me. He ended up hanging up on me. He was asking me to meet up with him secretly while he is out on a day pass to give him some cash. He says that this cash is for food and some chewing tobacco. Given that he has only been sober for a month, I am skeptical about his motive for obtaining cash from me. His counselor only allows him to carry $5 cash when he goes out on his day passes. Asking me for more cash goes against his treatment plans. I have stood my ground and told him no and that I would not see him for that. I feel sad because I feel like every time he has called me so far it has been to ask for money or something else. Anyways, i'd rather him hate me and be angry than to succumb to enabling him.
My question here is... would not answering his future calls for a little while make things worse for him? I feel like I need a break from this. He makes me feel immense guilt when all I am doing is standing firm and setting boundaries. I take his treatment seriously, but I guess he doesn't. Should I ignore his calls? I love him dearly but this is tearing me apart.
He is at an inpatient treatment facility. And since he has been there for a month now... he is allowed to make phone calls. Yesterday was his second irate phone call with me. He ended up hanging up on me. He was asking me to meet up with him secretly while he is out on a day pass to give him some cash. He says that this cash is for food and some chewing tobacco. Given that he has only been sober for a month, I am skeptical about his motive for obtaining cash from me. His counselor only allows him to carry $5 cash when he goes out on his day passes. Asking me for more cash goes against his treatment plans. I have stood my ground and told him no and that I would not see him for that. I feel sad because I feel like every time he has called me so far it has been to ask for money or something else. Anyways, i'd rather him hate me and be angry than to succumb to enabling him.
My question here is... would not answering his future calls for a little while make things worse for him? I feel like I need a break from this. He makes me feel immense guilt when all I am doing is standing firm and setting boundaries. I take his treatment seriously, but I guess he doesn't. Should I ignore his calls? I love him dearly but this is tearing me apart.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
It's not about ignoring his calls as much as it should be about you doing what YOU need to do to take care of yourself right now. His addiction has effected you, too, and you have every right to do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Your bf put himself in this position. You don't have to suffer for it. If he doesn't understand that, it's his issue, not yours.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Hello hello808: Thanks for sharing. Like others have said, I recommend that you do what is necessary to take care of yourself. If that includes not answering his calls, then so be it. You might consider posting your story and your question on the "friends and family" forum, as you will probably find a lot more folks there that have walked in your shoes. Here is a link: Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.
Good luck to you!
Good luck to you!
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