Heartbroken
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 699
Heartbroken
Drunk again, back at parents. Scott you're right it's been a 3 week session with no sign of let up
Stuff is going on around me and I'm just playing the victim
I'm gutted about my girlfriend, those following know it's been rubbish for ages , still doesn't make it ok though
My job sucks badly, middle management health and social care, think hamster wheel type ****, Groundhog Day
So happy to see my daughter today- 3 hours of happy
I miss my girlfriend but it's an ideal not a reality
The reality tonight is falling asleep in a mound of empty cans
I went to a gig to watch an artist last night, over last 2.5 years I've played at gigs and not flinched at alcohol
I'd be peeved at giving up guitar
Stuff is going on around me and I'm just playing the victim
I'm gutted about my girlfriend, those following know it's been rubbish for ages , still doesn't make it ok though
My job sucks badly, middle management health and social care, think hamster wheel type ****, Groundhog Day
So happy to see my daughter today- 3 hours of happy
I miss my girlfriend but it's an ideal not a reality
The reality tonight is falling asleep in a mound of empty cans
I went to a gig to watch an artist last night, over last 2.5 years I've played at gigs and not flinched at alcohol
I'd be peeved at giving up guitar
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Dude throw out the booze, take a shower and get some sleep. Don't F'n give up and grab onto sobriety. Get a sober friend and have them tell you how to do it for the next 30 days. Stop doing Stewy's will and get onto trudging.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I hope you decide to make some different decisions soon Stewy - you're just killing yourself here...it's like the death of a thousand cuts, man.
Go back and read some of your old thread...I get grief that something ends, but this seems more like punsihment to me.
this relationship you're mourning was not all sunshine and lollipops...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...azing-row.html
Sounds pretty similar to recent posts, hey? just different reasons for wanting to drink.'
The real fight you have right now is your addiction. You need to start fighting.
Go back and read some of your old thread...I get grief that something ends, but this seems more like punsihment to me.
this relationship you're mourning was not all sunshine and lollipops...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...azing-row.html
Sounds pretty similar to recent posts, hey? just different reasons for wanting to drink.'
The real fight you have right now is your addiction. You need to start fighting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Stewy, please stop torturing yourself with that poison. It's bringing you to your knees, & keeping you from living. You're stuck and trapped as long as you keep swigging it down. You can stop this and heal again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Stewey,
I'm sorry you are drinking again. It seems like you've come here to post after being drunk, rather than before knowing that if you had posted someone would have been there to talk you out of picking up that first drink.
You need to move past this relationship. You didn't seem happy with her toward the end, and it is certainly not worth falling back into a drunken state over.
Try flipping your mindset from negative to positive:
-You have a daughter who you get to spend time with.
-You have parents who support you, and allow you to come back home while you figure out your next step.
-You have a steady job, although you may not love it, you are able to pay your bills.
Just looking at that short list above from a positive sense, sounds like you have some pretty amazing things in your life.
Hope to see you posting sober tomorrow.
❤️Delilah
I'm sorry you are drinking again. It seems like you've come here to post after being drunk, rather than before knowing that if you had posted someone would have been there to talk you out of picking up that first drink.
You need to move past this relationship. You didn't seem happy with her toward the end, and it is certainly not worth falling back into a drunken state over.
Try flipping your mindset from negative to positive:
-You have a daughter who you get to spend time with.
-You have parents who support you, and allow you to come back home while you figure out your next step.
-You have a steady job, although you may not love it, you are able to pay your bills.
Just looking at that short list above from a positive sense, sounds like you have some pretty amazing things in your life.
Hope to see you posting sober tomorrow.
❤️Delilah
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The good news Stewy is that you are here and you are posting, still reaching out, may not feel like it at the moment but something inside is still looking to put things right.
Tonight is tonight, we can't rewrite the past, but tomorrow is another opportunity to draw a line and write a new chapter to your future!!
You can do this Stewy!!
Tonight is tonight, we can't rewrite the past, but tomorrow is another opportunity to draw a line and write a new chapter to your future!!
You can do this Stewy!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Stewy, you taught me new word; Row. Just wanted to send you my prayers for tonight, some people take heartache harder than others. Im happily married for 13+ years with 3 children, and I still feel "sick to my stomach" from a girlfriend who cheated on me back on
May 4th, 1994 : how pathetic is that????. Ive tried to let it go.. just cant. So ive learnt to suppress it.
May 4th, 1994 : how pathetic is that????. Ive tried to let it go.. just cant. So ive learnt to suppress it.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Whatever it is your going through you have been my friend & a lot of others here for almost 3 years not to mention how many people you have helped with your experience and I'm sorry you're hurting if I could click my fingers and make it go away I would I'm just sorry I can't all I know is were here with you Stewy through the sunshine through the rain
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You wouldn't need to give up guitar. Just take a break from playing gigs while you work on your recovery so your sobriety is strong enough that you CAN play at gigs without it ending with you drinking. Likelihood is that you'd end up a far better musician with all that sober practice and dedication, and would be a much more reliable band member further down the line.
Wisdom is choosing the options that will result in long term serenity and inner peace rather than grabbing at what can give us more instant gratification. Took me a while to get some wisdom going of my own, and even longer to start trusting it when I did get a smidgeon or two of it. Thankfully I had Dee and others on here to impart their wisdom though , and a bit later on, my AA sponsor to help me out when all I could see was the instant gratification. I was like a 12 year old for so long. My whole life revolved around what I wanted rather than what I, and the people who loved me, needed. Once I stopped stamping my feef and wallowing in self-pity and took back some responsibility for my existence things quickly felt a lot better.
Things can get better for you too. But not through howling for the moon. When we're ready to let go of yesterday, there's a whole new day for us, just waiting. And we don't have to fill it with booze, or mistakes, or remorse.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Wisdom is choosing the options that will result in long term serenity and inner peace rather than grabbing at what can give us more instant gratification. Took me a while to get some wisdom going of my own, and even longer to start trusting it when I did get a smidgeon or two of it. Thankfully I had Dee and others on here to impart their wisdom though , and a bit later on, my AA sponsor to help me out when all I could see was the instant gratification. I was like a 12 year old for so long. My whole life revolved around what I wanted rather than what I, and the people who loved me, needed. Once I stopped stamping my feef and wallowing in self-pity and took back some responsibility for my existence things quickly felt a lot better.
Things can get better for you too. But not through howling for the moon. When we're ready to let go of yesterday, there's a whole new day for us, just waiting. And we don't have to fill it with booze, or mistakes, or remorse.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: NH
Posts: 374
Mate, I know it is tough. Everyone here has been there, I am sure. Not just with the drink or drugs but with the relationship breakdown. About ten years ago I had a break up that (literally) nearly killed me, because I used drink to block it all out and ended up having a nervous breakdown. Drink is not the answer.
I know you have had sober time in the past. It's time to pool your resources and buckle down. You probably know better than me, that everything can be tackled better sober. Even if this is something as difficult as grieving for a lost relationship or dealing with anger.
Stop beating yourself up. Alcoholism sucks big time and it's not your fault. But there is no way around it: you have to stop drinking.
I know you have had sober time in the past. It's time to pool your resources and buckle down. You probably know better than me, that everything can be tackled better sober. Even if this is something as difficult as grieving for a lost relationship or dealing with anger.
Stop beating yourself up. Alcoholism sucks big time and it's not your fault. But there is no way around it: you have to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh 
I thought of you, Stewy, when I saw this. Life can get better. Go for it.
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