Hi
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Hi
Hi guys,
I have been lurking in the shadows for while now unwilling to speak up out of shame and guilt, but I was just reading bronzie's thread and two things in there hit home so hard for me I just couldn't stay quiet anymore.
The first was soberwolf saying how toward's the end of his drinking he really didn't want to drink, but did anyway.
The second was bronzie talking about buying alcohol just to keep it accessible even if not planning to drink it.
These two things are the story of my relationship with alcohol at this point. I've been drinking on and off since I last posted (don't even remember when that was), doing my usual, drinking myself into a nice buzz at the end of the day before going to bed. And every few days I'll tell myself that I'm done, but will stop by the liquor store "just in case." And in any case, I choose to drink, even though I don't want to.
If you ask me how I'm doing otherwise, the answer is great. I am excelling in my career, have running A's in school, and am more productive than I've ever been. Yet of course I can't help but wonder how much more productive I could be if I chose not to drink.
But I still "reward" myself at the end of the day with alcohol. But today I'm out again. Alcohol is off the table and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm going to drive home a different route from work so as not to pass the liquor store. And when I get home, I'm going right to my computer, logging onto here, and writing in my sobriety journal, which I started recording my thoughts in several days ago.
I have been lurking in the shadows for while now unwilling to speak up out of shame and guilt, but I was just reading bronzie's thread and two things in there hit home so hard for me I just couldn't stay quiet anymore.
The first was soberwolf saying how toward's the end of his drinking he really didn't want to drink, but did anyway.
The second was bronzie talking about buying alcohol just to keep it accessible even if not planning to drink it.
These two things are the story of my relationship with alcohol at this point. I've been drinking on and off since I last posted (don't even remember when that was), doing my usual, drinking myself into a nice buzz at the end of the day before going to bed. And every few days I'll tell myself that I'm done, but will stop by the liquor store "just in case." And in any case, I choose to drink, even though I don't want to.
If you ask me how I'm doing otherwise, the answer is great. I am excelling in my career, have running A's in school, and am more productive than I've ever been. Yet of course I can't help but wonder how much more productive I could be if I chose not to drink.
But I still "reward" myself at the end of the day with alcohol. But today I'm out again. Alcohol is off the table and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm going to drive home a different route from work so as not to pass the liquor store. And when I get home, I'm going right to my computer, logging onto here, and writing in my sobriety journal, which I started recording my thoughts in several days ago.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back mns1. Glad you've made the decision to quit before all those other things don't go "great" anymore. That was me too - things were going great until the end...then I was mainly just drinking to stave off withdrawals. Like SW I didn't want to drink anymore..i HAD to drink. I'd encourage you to become more active here and consider other recovery resources locally - things can be so much better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Hi MNS, glad your here.
I agree with Scott. At first alcoholism is manageable. Ever so slowly your drawn farther and farther down its dark path. Then one day you realize it's not manageable and things start to go wrong.
It's perfect that you realize and admit the problem now. Life is so much better with out it.
We are here to help anyway we can.
I agree with Scott. At first alcoholism is manageable. Ever so slowly your drawn farther and farther down its dark path. Then one day you realize it's not manageable and things start to go wrong.
It's perfect that you realize and admit the problem now. Life is so much better with out it.
We are here to help anyway we can.
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Thanks guys gonna be as active as I can on here. Won't be able to post most of the day because I'll be busy at work. I actually got the rare instance of a clear schedule this morning so I have been able to get very focused on following through on this without any distractions. I now feel a sense of momentum and strong in my intentions to come home tonight without stopping for alcohol and getting right on here.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Mns,
Being on the clean track for us is a life victory.
I planned big things from my sobriety. None have panned out yet.
But, being clean is where I belong, regardless of whether my new sobriety has failed me in being the Superman I hoped i would be.
Sobriety is letting me see the real me.....all my strengths and weaknesses.
The view is now more clear than it has been in 23 months.
Thanks.
Being on the clean track for us is a life victory.
I planned big things from my sobriety. None have panned out yet.
But, being clean is where I belong, regardless of whether my new sobriety has failed me in being the Superman I hoped i would be.
Sobriety is letting me see the real me.....all my strengths and weaknesses.
The view is now more clear than it has been in 23 months.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
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