merz77

Hey everyone

So I'm almost at one week without a drink now. And I've had some intense urges, which I've managed to overcome. I've had an appointment with a counsellor & yesterday signed up for a beginner yoga class near me ( doesn't start for a couple of weeks) but all booked and paid for.

I was DREADING the weekend. And particularly Friday night, first Friday in a good decade with no booze, but it was ok. Saturday was ok but I was exhausted all day. So didn't do anything.

But today .. I'm having a hell of a time. Keep thinking far into the future & imagining never drinking again which is making me mad. I'm doubting what help the counselling will be, and regretting booking my yoga course. I feel anxious about the future and angry I guess.

I've kept busy all day & walked out in the beautiful sunshine but can't shake the feeling that I'm loosing my momentum. I'm not feeling huge energy surges, my skins still rubbish and it all feels a bit cr*ppy right now.

Sorry for venting, just wanted to throw it all out there.

Thanks

Grymt

You're doing fine. Think of your self as the doctor observing a boil that's swollen and red about to burst. The discomfort fyou are feeling is the pus about to rise and pass away. There is nothing wrong. Tjhis is what getting well feels like. The unwellness rises to pass away. Keep it up. It'll pass.

doggonecarl

You know the recovery saying, "One day at a time"?

This is when it applies.

Stay strong.

Soberwolf

Get through today I promise you won't regret it - tomorrow is a new day & you won't feel like this

Up to you but I promise staying sober is by far your best option

Anna

This is when you realize that recovery involves a lot more than stopping drinking. You need to come up with new, fun, interesting things to do on the weekends that don't involve alcohol. Try to think what you are gaining in your life, rather than looking at it as being sad you're giving up alcohol forever.

merz77

Grymt, doggonecarl, soberwolf, and and Anna thanks for taking the time to respond.

All of you are right of course.

Just being told I'm doing fine is very helpful - thank you. I know I need to stop thinking ahead & take it one day at a time, and that really means not drinking today. I've been trying to read about the difference between abstinence and recovery.

I'm sorry for my outburst looking at it now makes me feel petulant but it's been brewing all day & I really needed to let it all out.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will confirm my counselling appointment as I clearly do need support to work at this.

Thanks again.

Berrybean

When we've got one foot in tomorrow and the other foot in yesterday, we tend to pee all over today.

No need to think about the rest of forever. Just focus on today and things will be much easier.

merz77

Thanks Berrybean, I've just hit such a wall today. Like I said above it's been hellish, and it came from no where really.

I know no-one said it would be easy but, I've hated today.

Still just gotta work through this I know.

Thank you.

jazzfish

I used to go through an endless cycle of getting sober, putting the pieces in place to rebuild my life, and then tear it all down. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was so bent toward repeated self-sabotage. I still don't know why, but I finally accepted that if I did the next right thing, life would get better.

The other thing is that itch to want to drink when things started going better. What was I hoping to gain from drinking? What hole did I hole did I hope to fill? Or feeling did I hope to achieve? I just couldn't put my finger on it, but it was always elusive. Then I realized that I wanted to drink simply to relieve the feeling of not drinking. There was nothing left for me in drinking, but going in the direction I know I needed to seemed really uncomfortable.

You can do this!

merz77

"Then I realized that I wanted to drink simply to relieve the feeling of not drinking. There was nothing left for me in drinking, but going in the direction I know I needed to seemed really uncomfortable"

That's amazing insight jazz, thanks there could be an element of truth here for me too.

SwimKim12

Well done with almost one week of sobriety. That is a big deal. Emotions in early sobriety can be variable - your body is used to having a substance which it no longer has at it is now adjusting. I like the phrase, "easy does it," for early sobriety: don't try to make too many changes too fast. Give yourself a break when you need it. I was never used to giving myself a break; I just pushed harder and harder until everything collapsed and I was drinking again.

Know that things will get better if you don't drink today. You are doing a great job!

merz77

Thanks Kim, and my emotions are all over the place as all of these replies are making me feel quite teary with all the kind and wise words.
Thank-you for posting.

oakleaf82

I've had many days like that, and the good news is, it doesn't last. It is important to add things to your recovery and not just remove the alcohol. Good on you for recognizing these feelings and posting here!

GroundhogDay

That angry phase is perfectly normal. It will pass. And the longer you stay sober, the more you can't imagine the hell of drinking again.

Outonthetiles

It didn't take a week to get beaten up by booze, and it won't be fixed in a week. But it will get better, as long as you don't drink.

Berrybean

How are you feeling now Merz?

merz77

Thanks folks really appreciate you reading and posting.

Berrybean, today is my official week anniversary of being without alcohol on a daily basis, and I'm starting to see the struggle ahead.
During work today I was thinking about drinking tonight. That NEVER happened before, I didn't drink at work (and never have) but for the thoughts to be surfacing when I'm normally "at work" in my head scared me. It's like a compulsive voice / feeling at different times.

I'm okay other than that thanks for asking, apart from major sugar cravings. Which currently I'm just giving into...! Hope all is well with you.

Berrybean

Well done on your week sober Merz.

It's early days, and your AV will be ramping up its efforts to get you back to drinking. Have you got written down the original reasons for you stopping? If so then keep it to hand so you can read through it when you need reminding. Those AVs can be so persuasive in the early days.

Are you open to going to meetings etc? That can be a massive tool in our armoury.

PippoRossi

merz77 - Congratulations on 1 week! Give yourself time to get better. 1 week is only the beginning. Don't give in because you aren't seeing what you think are immediate results. Hang in there! I'm on day 1 and, as they say, the struggle is real.

merz77

Thanks berry, yes I did make notes &'so it's a good idea to revisit them. I'm mulling over aa meetings, I've got a counsellor but I'm undecided about that to. In so much as is once a week enough to maintain momentum- attending a meeting seems like a hugeee step, not one I'm ruling out though.

Pippo ty I'm determined not to give up & good luck to you on day 1, the struggle is real your right but there's too many people here saying it's worth it in the long run for me or you to quit so early right?