jessie65

Hey all, I haven't posted I know. I do still pop on and read here.

I'm 15 months sober (today I think, 5'th or 6'th can't remember). Anyway, been just doing the next right thing. I have on top of the world moments (far & few right now) and down in the dumps moments quite often right now.

I've given this sober lifestyle a pretty good run I think, and I kind of believe that it's harder than dealing with the drinking. It never got much easier, just became routine I think, I just don't drink. I live with chronic pain & depression, and the only thing that ever relieved any of them was alcohol. Now, I just ride it out, live on ibuprofen, and try to believe eventually I'll find some peace.

Lots has happened in 15 months and some of my worst days were finished sober, so I know it can be done. Willpower won't help me, it's more like a plan to go back in the future, I just want some time out of my head I guess.

Sorry for babbling, anybody feel like this after a long period sober?

Anna

Gosh, no, and I'm sorry you feel that way. I know that living with chronic pain is tiring and depressing. Have you tried a Pain Clinic in your area or talking to your dr about options? I've heard of acupuncture helping people. In the 15 months you've been sober, have you changed things in your life? Have you started new activities, met new people, reconnected with old hobbies you had? What do you do for fun?

Grymt

Yes, sometimes it was just existing. I tried to get better in new ways and one thing after another worked and added up to where now it's a memory.

What helped was to see a therapist regularly, change diet, get busy, meditate, learn about giving.

Soberwolf

Your not babbling 15 months sober is huge sorry about the pain but grateful for your awesomeness

jessie65

Thank-you all.

I have changed a lot in my life. I eat healthy (most days), and exercise. At the moment, however, I am struggling to keep up the healthy lifestyle, as most days I have no energy and I have strong cravings for junk food & sweets.
I know it's the depression pulling me back to the darkness.

I've been to a doctor for chronic pain (my feet) and the only thing that was offered to me is cortisone shots which I don't want to start (I might have to eventually I guess).
I've reached out for help with the depression and left feeling ashamed. I never went back, that was a few years ago. Right now we have no health insurance either.

Honestly, I don't do a lot for fun. I enjoy the outdoors and nature and that is where I feel the most peaceful. The weather around here stinks though most days of the year, lol.
I know I can't go back to drinking, but darn I'm tempted lately and it's worrying me.

August252015

Glad you posted.

Are you working any kind of recovery program? I know that my chosen path, AA, is my lifeline. And fortunately it is free!

At almost 14 months, I have a totally different life than I would have imagined, and it's great. I don't say that to be a jerk - I have problems- but to say that I believe a good life in sobriety is possible and enjoyable.

Wishing you some joy and peace.

Grymt

struggling no energy strong cravings depression darkness chronic pain depression ashamed fun enjoy peaceful stinks lol tempted worrying

First off, it will pass. It is the nature of all things. There is no thing that is not impermanent.

Craving is to want wanted things that are not in the present to be in the present, to want wanted things that are in the present to stay in the present, to want unwanted things that are in the present to not be in the present, to want unwanted things that not in the present to not be in the present.

Reacting with craving, clinging to pleasant sensations. Reacting with aversion, hatred to unpleasant sensations.

All these reactions of craving and aversion leads to misery.

Learn how to not react. This means learn how to be equanimous. The object of the equanimity is the sensations that rise to pass away on the mind / body. Be aware of these sensations but treat them all equally.

The way to practice this is to meditate with anapana sati or 'awareness of the in and out breathing' as it is from moment to moment.

'at the moment the breath in the area of the nostrils is passing in, it passes in, it has stopped passing in, it has started passing out, it is passing out it has stopped passing out and . . . so on.' The truth of the breath as it is. The natural breath, moment to moment as it is, Not as I want it to be, As it is.

In this way I dissociate from the cravings and aversion. I stop multiplying the miseries. I come out of the miseries.

Dee74

Hi Jessie - I had to not only stop drinking but deal with the underlying issues that drove me to drink, and build a new sober life that better reflected the sober me.

if you're often depressed I think you need to deal with that so you can have the kind of peace and happiness you hear about so much here.

Have you got a doctor or a counsellor that you see?

don't believe the AV line about drinking life was better or easier - go re-read some of your old posts.

You are way better off now

D

Mattq2

Hey Jessie,
I haven't been sober as long as you and at nine months sober I'm still learning about me. Im learning to change the way I think about things. I do get depressed because I'm bored. I had to learn to say that that's ok. I'm not bored or depressed because I'm not drinking it's because I am human and that's what happens to humans sometimes.

I also know that I have really great days when I'm so happy and that's a fair trade to me. I'm just a sober guy experiencing all human emotions to the fullest.

I couldn't imagine giving up my nine months of sobriety for anything. I just know everything will go to **** if I do.

You have done so well. Accomplished something awesome don't give up on It.

As far as the physical pain goes maybe try another doctor or diffrent treatment methods. Drinking won't fix it my friend.

Linz805

Sober 9 months here! I have no idea what chronic pain is like so I can't speak on that. just today my job left early to go drink in the beautiful warm sun and then there I was being envious. I do think about if I really want to do this anymore.... but if I really think about it yes I do. Don't believe the lie that it's easier cause it is not. I really hope you find some relief and get out and have some fun! I don't even know what fun looks like sober sometimes but I'm not giving up till I find it i hope you try some recovery programs if not already

HTown

15 months sober is huge! Congratulations. I am sorry to hear that you reached out about depression and left feeling ashamed. I think it is important you get another opinion from another professional. Realizing you do not have health insurance, have you brought up your depression with your regular doc? The one who helps with your pain?

I will tell you that drinking may seem like a good way to cope, but it will only make you more depressed and have a negative effect on your health too. You don't need more health concerns on top of the ones you have!

AnvilheadII

i understand that with chronic pain and depression you are reaching back to what SEEMED to work. how about if you reach forward to other options? if your dr isn't listening, find another. try a pain clinic. or a naturopath. or an acupuncturist. or a shaman.

my point is keep seeking. but don't give up your sobriety.

Anna

And, Jessie, you mentioned about insurance and I understand. But, I know what depression can do. I take antidepressants and, they work fairly well for me. I will not go back down to the dark hole again because I know it will eventually lead me to drinking. It might be worth considering talking to a dr about medication.