Struggling for the first time in a long time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Struggling for the first time in a long time
Reaching out as first time in a good while I've had these thoughts and feelings - I'm away on business done a few nights away now since the new year after over a year of avoiding things - I book myself into guest houses to stay away from the hotel bars etc - been a long day up since 5 am and alot of driving and 6 meetings had little to eat and tired too - so guess there's a few reasons to be feeling like this - lovely evening and was always the excuse to be out on it - pubs and bars I'm noticing that haven't been a thought for ages and cravings / thoughts of get smashed that I've dismissed no problem - I know I won't I know I can't not after all this time - something to eat and then walk back to the guest house but boy am I feeling anxious right now. Tried to ring a couple of friends but no one answering and to be honest it doesn't mean anything to them as they don't know what I mean.
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 110
Hi RedAndy! I applaud your choice to post here first! You will feel more balanced one you eat some food and get some rest...maybe drink something fizzy with your dinner or lots of water if you are dehydrated (with the busy day you have had that may be the case).
Your anxiety right now is manageable...but your regret if you drank would be much worse!
Your anxiety right now is manageable...but your regret if you drank would be much worse!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Andy, You identified being tired and hungry and those are two things that I need to be careful about. I hope you have some food and rest a bit. Can you listen to some good music or watch a movie. Taking care of yourself in the little ways can make a difference. 
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
I'm glad you posted here first and even more that you seem to be over the worst of it.
I have to spend some nights away on business, not many, but they can be tricky if you are stressed during the day and then alone in unfamiliar surroundings at night. It was a shame your friends were out as that may well have helped.
Anyway well done on getting through it Andy.
I have to spend some nights away on business, not many, but they can be tricky if you are stressed during the day and then alone in unfamiliar surroundings at night. It was a shame your friends were out as that may well have helped.
Anyway well done on getting through it Andy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks all - a good night's sleep and away we go again, too tired last night to finish my work so a good opportunity to get ahead before breakfast.
To be honest I thought those feelings and thoughts were a thing of the past until last night, had some convincing to do in my own head - it is the being away thing adding the busy day / tired and hungry - days of old that would have been a deserving joint / pint or 10 at the end of it followed by god knows what , anything with association seems to wobble my head still - I'd end up in all sorts of predicaments and in a right mess in days gone by glad to say this morning is not one of those mornings - could not think of anything more vile than waking up like I did in those days and then having to work - well I used to think I was, not many productive second days in fact I would rarely have more than 1 appointment and would always be someone who I knew was ok to sit looking like death with - have another 6 today, all potential new business and first time visits.
SAH hope you're feeling better today.
To be honest I thought those feelings and thoughts were a thing of the past until last night, had some convincing to do in my own head - it is the being away thing adding the busy day / tired and hungry - days of old that would have been a deserving joint / pint or 10 at the end of it followed by god knows what , anything with association seems to wobble my head still - I'd end up in all sorts of predicaments and in a right mess in days gone by glad to say this morning is not one of those mornings - could not think of anything more vile than waking up like I did in those days and then having to work - well I used to think I was, not many productive second days in fact I would rarely have more than 1 appointment and would always be someone who I knew was ok to sit looking like death with - have another 6 today, all potential new business and first time visits.
SAH hope you're feeling better today.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Treat yourself to a massage, sauna or jacuzzi
Glad you got through , the sober routine is worthwhile establishing , getting back to the fundamentals if cravings start to surface .. HALT, attitude of gratitude, early to bed early to rise, post on SR and read recovery, play the tape through to another 10 years of drinking if i'd live that long .
It's done me well for the last 6 years .
Bestwishes, m
Glad you got through , the sober routine is worthwhile establishing , getting back to the fundamentals if cravings start to surface .. HALT, attitude of gratitude, early to bed early to rise, post on SR and read recovery, play the tape through to another 10 years of drinking if i'd live that long .
It's done me well for the last 6 years .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
Hey Andy,
You continue to be an inspiration to me. Thank you.
Well done on coming here and posting first.
Is it possible that you're doing or feeling something (sights, sounds, smells, nights away with work) for the first time since sobriety, and that something triggered your addicted memory? Something that only has associations with being high, something that hasn't got a sober experience attached to it yet?
If so, it's not going to be the last time it happens.
It's worth remembering, relative to our days of debauchery, our sobriety is still in its infancy. Embryonic even?
Sending you some hugs, (ps, I don't remember getting a missed call from you?!)
You continue to be an inspiration to me. Thank you.
Well done on coming here and posting first.
Is it possible that you're doing or feeling something (sights, sounds, smells, nights away with work) for the first time since sobriety, and that something triggered your addicted memory? Something that only has associations with being high, something that hasn't got a sober experience attached to it yet?
If so, it's not going to be the last time it happens.
It's worth remembering, relative to our days of debauchery, our sobriety is still in its infancy. Embryonic even?
Sending you some hugs, (ps, I don't remember getting a missed call from you?!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Cheers Mec and Tufty - some good advice there and no I doubt my ticker would have coped with another 10 years of the punishment I gave it - along with other vital organs.
Wise words as always Tufty, thanks mate - if you were in this hemisphere you'd have been my first call mate - would have been very early hours for you. To be honest it's the first time I've stayed close to a city centre - been out in the sticks on purpose previously - walking thro the town was hard but like you say it's a first - would have been rolling in and out of every dive thinking the world and his wife were my best friend - got the one real best friend back that's always been there for me I just didn't realise what I had when she was always by my side - life is good no way I'd want to go back to the old ways for anything.
Ps just noticed the no nicotine since Jan - nice one mate
Wise words as always Tufty, thanks mate - if you were in this hemisphere you'd have been my first call mate - would have been very early hours for you. To be honest it's the first time I've stayed close to a city centre - been out in the sticks on purpose previously - walking thro the town was hard but like you say it's a first - would have been rolling in and out of every dive thinking the world and his wife were my best friend - got the one real best friend back that's always been there for me I just didn't realise what I had when she was always by my side - life is good no way I'd want to go back to the old ways for anything.
Ps just noticed the no nicotine since Jan - nice one mate
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you got through it RA.
I'm presuming you're not an AAer, or that would have been your first thought - to get to a meeting. Just to say that even if someone is not a regular AAer but struggling with urges to not drink, that person would always be a very welcome guest at any AA meeting. At least there you would find people who understand how it feels when those cravings rear their ugly heads and the AV starts it's whisperings.
Are you back on home turf tonight?
BB
I'm presuming you're not an AAer, or that would have been your first thought - to get to a meeting. Just to say that even if someone is not a regular AAer but struggling with urges to not drink, that person would always be a very welcome guest at any AA meeting. At least there you would find people who understand how it feels when those cravings rear their ugly heads and the AV starts it's whisperings.
Are you back on home turf tonight?
BB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks BB and whilst not an AAer I have attended previously and it did cross my mind last night, will definitely bear that in mind when away in future.
Yes back home now thanks - enjoyed some great driving home through the English & Welsh countryside just wish I could stop noticing all the country pubs and nice sunny weather - passed a couple of places that I've frequented in the past too and just had all sorts running through my head from the memories of what once was - I know it's the past and wouldn't swap it for where I am now, romanticising the err good old days.
Come out of nowhere this.
Yes back home now thanks - enjoyed some great driving home through the English & Welsh countryside just wish I could stop noticing all the country pubs and nice sunny weather - passed a couple of places that I've frequented in the past too and just had all sorts running through my head from the memories of what once was - I know it's the past and wouldn't swap it for where I am now, romanticising the err good old days.
Come out of nowhere this.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I used to romanticise pubs and sitting in the beer garden ,
I visualised going in and ordering a lemonade or a cup of tea and sitting in the garden drinking it watching the world go by ...
The idea didn't appeal then, so i knew it was the sneaky old addiction trying to do a number on me and really it was just about the booze.
Now a pot of tea , scones , clotted cream, jam and a Gertrude Jekyll style garden to sit in, there is an idea i could get tempted by
m
I visualised going in and ordering a lemonade or a cup of tea and sitting in the garden drinking it watching the world go by ...
The idea didn't appeal then, so i knew it was the sneaky old addiction trying to do a number on me and really it was just about the booze.
Now a pot of tea , scones , clotted cream, jam and a Gertrude Jekyll style garden to sit in, there is an idea i could get tempted by
m
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi RedAndy, I've followed your journey and applaud you and all you have accomplished. Good job on recognizing that you are tired and hungry (HALT) and a full belly will take away the urge to drink. Well done.
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