Groundhog Day Weekender 7-9 April
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
I know that people used to talk about me behind my back as I was so shy and passive back then. Nowadays I am less so. I sometimes felt that people might have treated me differently (been less judgemental) if they had any idea what I was putting up with at home. The same could be said for my mother really. Occasionally she gets together with her sisters. They have a few glasses of wine and I am an interested observer. One of them in particular opens up like a book and the skeletons all come tumbling out (and there are a lot of them, believe me).
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I try to be nice to people and I get nothing in return.
Other people and how they act are certainly outside of my control ... this doesn't mean that i don't try to be a compassionate but that is more to do with me than them .
Good things happen to bad people , bad things happen to lovely people, none of it seems to have any rhyme or reason .
I'm sorry people leave you feeling short changed, they might have their own issues going on .. I think it's worthwhile to be compassionate regardless of peoples reaction
keep on
m
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
My knee-jerk to that statement is my "programmed" response, and not what I REALLY think of it. Someone says "I am nice and I get nothing in return" and my knee-jerk is of course well, you should be nice for the sake of being nice, not to get something out of it. But that's total BS.
It takes effort and should result in some sort of positive feedback. You do it because you want a better relationship, you want peace, you want them to be nice back.
And they're still jerks no matter what, so it makes me feel like, what's the point? Why do I put in all this effort to be nice? They aren't nice to me, they do whatever they want, and to top it all off, the first time I do snap and get mean, because they're used to me being nice, they go off on me for being a bitch.
You treat people respectfully thinking that they will treat you respectfully and they don't.
I don't respect too many people anymore.
It takes effort and should result in some sort of positive feedback. You do it because you want a better relationship, you want peace, you want them to be nice back.
And they're still jerks no matter what, so it makes me feel like, what's the point? Why do I put in all this effort to be nice? They aren't nice to me, they do whatever they want, and to top it all off, the first time I do snap and get mean, because they're used to me being nice, they go off on me for being a bitch.
You treat people respectfully thinking that they will treat you respectfully and they don't.
I don't respect too many people anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Hi Weekenders,
Haven't had a chance to catch up on the thread in several days. Just wanted to check in and say Mr. Arg just got back and I successfully (though one day barely) got through the weekend with him gone. I know this isn't supposed to be easy, but getting sober is one of the hardest (though also one of the best) things I've done.
But I guess 35 years of integrating drinking into my life, probably 20 daily drinking, doesn't go away overnight.
OK, off to do my taxes...
Haven't had a chance to catch up on the thread in several days. Just wanted to check in and say Mr. Arg just got back and I successfully (though one day barely) got through the weekend with him gone. I know this isn't supposed to be easy, but getting sober is one of the hardest (though also one of the best) things I've done.
But I guess 35 years of integrating drinking into my life, probably 20 daily drinking, doesn't go away overnight.
OK, off to do my taxes...
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Crap, I still have to do my taxes. This week I swear lol
I have been following a fb page that reports on everything that comes over the police scanner in one of the local towns (some reports from neighboring towns pop in).. and she does it with a sense of humor, like there is a guy who calls every few days with a new complaint, he's known as Mr. Polk Street, cause he never gives his name, but they know him by voice.. The novelty of this will wear off eventually, but my weekends are that much more entertaining seeing what goes on out there and what our local police actually have to put up with.... a lot of drinking and fighting.
I have been following a fb page that reports on everything that comes over the police scanner in one of the local towns (some reports from neighboring towns pop in).. and she does it with a sense of humor, like there is a guy who calls every few days with a new complaint, he's known as Mr. Polk Street, cause he never gives his name, but they know him by voice.. The novelty of this will wear off eventually, but my weekends are that much more entertaining seeing what goes on out there and what our local police actually have to put up with.... a lot of drinking and fighting.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
It's kinda like Cliff's notes of Cops episodes.
"There is a domestic disturbance in ____ on ____ Dr. The male states that the female is bonkers but now really doesn't want the police. The female however says that the police are needed because the male is intoxicated*.
Chicken or egg?"
Smh.
Or it's stuff like this
"he fire department is being dispatched to ___ Hill Rd for a controlled burn that is now out of control*.
UPDATE: When the police arrived, it was a relatively small fire and is not really as "out of control" as it was made to seem."
Really? Our tax dollars at work?
And a lot of this.
"_____police are headed up to the _____ Baptist Church area. The caller stated that there is a group of about 20 people ready to fight*."
"There is a domestic disturbance in ____ on ____ Dr. The male states that the female is bonkers but now really doesn't want the police. The female however says that the police are needed because the male is intoxicated*.
Chicken or egg?"
Smh.
Or it's stuff like this
"he fire department is being dispatched to ___ Hill Rd for a controlled burn that is now out of control*.
UPDATE: When the police arrived, it was a relatively small fire and is not really as "out of control" as it was made to seem."
Really? Our tax dollars at work?
And a lot of this.
"_____police are headed up to the _____ Baptist Church area. The caller stated that there is a group of about 20 people ready to fight*."
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth 
My knee-jerk to that statement is my "programmed" response, and not what I REALLY think of it. Someone says "I am nice and I get nothing in return" and my knee-jerk is of course well, you should be nice for the sake of being nice, not to get something out of it. But that's total BS.
It takes effort and should result in some sort of positive feedback. You do it because you want a better relationship, you want peace, you want them to be nice back.
And they're still jerks no matter what, so it makes me feel like, what's the point? Why do I put in all this effort to be nice? They aren't nice to me, they do whatever they want, and to top it all off, the first time I do snap and get mean, because they're used to me being nice, they go off on me for being a bitch.
You treat people respectfully thinking that they will treat you respectfully and they don't.
I don't respect too many people anymore.
It takes effort and should result in some sort of positive feedback. You do it because you want a better relationship, you want peace, you want them to be nice back.
And they're still jerks no matter what, so it makes me feel like, what's the point? Why do I put in all this effort to be nice? They aren't nice to me, they do whatever they want, and to top it all off, the first time I do snap and get mean, because they're used to me being nice, they go off on me for being a bitch.
You treat people respectfully thinking that they will treat you respectfully and they don't.
I don't respect too many people anymore.
In order to find peace in my life I had to let go of all that. The expectation that my actions should result in some sort of outcome from the receiving party. It was very hard first to learn this. I had lived most of my life doing good deeds, good acts, being a certain way to people with the expectation that since I did these things then they should reciprocate. You're right, if you're nice to someone they should be nice in return. Unfortunately, that's not how it always works. To realize that you have absolutely no control over someone else's actions is freeing. Doing things and being a certain way and removing any expectation of what that will net me is probably one of the most liberating things I have done. I credit it for a large percentage of why I remain sober today.
Unfortunately, it's often family that we have to deal with. In most instances we can't just get up and walk away from them. Sometimes that's the only answer. But, if you can't, the only action you can take is to remember that you can't change them but you can control how you allow it to affect you. You own that, no one else.
Absence of expectation is peaceful.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Welcome to Weekenders 5upersonic.
I need more than the 5 and a half hours sleep that I got last night. It will be an early night for me tonight. I hope everyone got through the weekend OK. SaH I really hope you get some reassurance at the doctors today, good luck.
We have had an outbreak of passive/aggressive notes being pinned to the office fridge door at work
I need more than the 5 and a half hours sleep that I got last night. It will be an early night for me tonight. I hope everyone got through the weekend OK. SaH I really hope you get some reassurance at the doctors today, good luck.
We have had an outbreak of passive/aggressive notes being pinned to the office fridge door at work
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Gilmer
LadyBlue, your advice is extremely wise and capable of producing much growth and maturity.
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