Lava256

OK. So I saw my doctor this morning and we spoke at length about how i'm getting along with my sobriety, AA experience, etc. We also spoke a bit about the underlying issues that led me to start abusing alcohol. He has a few psychologists/therapists he can recommend me to try and work out those issues but i'm on the fence about it. Tbh, right now i'm riding the high of being alcohol free and being on this new journey of sobriety. However, I know that sooner or later my demons are going to resurface and I will have to deal with them. I have tried to not think about it much these past 2 weeks but, just to skim the surface, they include self-esteem issues, self confidence, major co-dependency, passive-aggressiveness and, this is a self diagnosis, borderline personality disorder. I really believe that if it's not BPD, then I have some other kind of personality disorder (without the self harm element, though), and that i've had it almost all my life. My 20s were, to put it lightly, a social and personal life disaster. Only with age and bitter experience have I been able to tame some of those demons.

My culture is not big on counselling, especially not for mental or psychological issues. Here people tough it out on their own. So i'm not sure whether I should give therapy a try. What do you guys think? I really want to begin healing myself and alcohol was just a very small part of the problem. Do I give this a try or are there other resources/plans I can use first and if those help, then there'll be no need to involve a total stranger?

Dee74

I had some help with counselling, and it definitely helped me.

Aussie males are not big on touchy feely stuff either - especially the way I was bought up - but that was part of the problem I think.

D

Grymt

vipassana courses in uganda / rwanda is definitely worth checking out

mecanix

What would be the worst outcome of going to see a councillor and what could the benefits be ?

My family history is one of lost potential and degradation due to alcohol abuse and the poverty it then causes.
I decided to change this, some outside help to learn new ways of thinking about life and situations was helpful .

m

Lava256

Thanks, Grymt. Will check that out.

Lava256

Well, may not be the worst outcome but some downsides could be;

1. not enough time to squeeze in sessions (though if I had to, i'd get the time)
2. my husband may not be pleased about this i'm thinking. He's more of a macho guy... Doesn't accept help from anybody for anything and I believe would view therapy as a sign of weakness.
3. not enough money to pay for it (though if I really had to I could put it together)
4. fear of being disappointed by the outcome (getting no help or ending up in a worse/more confused position).

Those are the downsides for me. I don't/can't fathom any upside because i'm afraid to let myself believe that maybe therapy will help and that the result will be more than I ever dreamed of and that I could begin to live a wholesome, fulfilled life for the first time in a long long time. I've been in the bog so long that I think i'm kinda comfy here? It's silly, I know, but that's it.

Dee74

Everyone is scared of change...but thats no reason not to go for it

D

FreeOwl

Therapy was really helpful to me not only in sobriety but in living a richer, happier life.

BPD is a tough nut that can really negatively impact your life and those around you. My ex wife is BPD and refuses to get counseling, take mess or do anything productive to address it. As a result her life is a constant drama of issues that negatively impact me, the children and her own well being.

There is nothing wrong with therapy. All of us humans carry the weight of our experiences and emotions and almost none of us were ever really taught how to cope and process and deal with our lives effectively in healthy ways. Those of us who experienced trauma or significant challenges as children and throughout our developing years are often carrying habits and patterns and beliefs that hold us back from our best selves and our happiest lives. Therapy can be a huge aid to all of this, and help us move beyond challenges and learn to deal with them.

I hope you'll go for it. There's nothing to lose and your life to gain.

FreeOwl

One of the hallmarks oder BPD is a refusal to get help and a belief that help 'won't work'.

Just sayin......

PhoenixJ

Yes

MarkTwain

Going it alone, along with a dreadful refusal to ask for help, is the path to hell.

But hell is a familiar and comfortable place compared to the unknown.

Lava256

Yeah. This is aptly put. Pathway to hell....

I'll think on it a bit longer. I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of opening up and talking to someone candidly, as i'd imagine most people are. I actually previously (in the past month) made 2 appointments with a therapist and canceled on them last minute.

It might help. I have a mountain of issues. I really would hate to continue living an unfulfilled life though and then in turn pass on these wrong views and values to my son. I must try to do something about it. So I'll give it a go. For sure. Thanks a lot, guys for all your input.

PhoenixJ

With me- lava, pride came before the fall. It was a very long, hard fall quite literally (I know) into hell.

FreeOwl

When we break a bone or are badly bruised or get terribly ill.... it's seldom comfortable as we take strides to heal. Physical therapy is downright PAINFUL much of the time. But in doing the things we need to heal our body, in bearing through the discomfort, we heal and find ourselves on the other side feeling great and glad we're well.

It's like that with healing our minds, our emotions, our spirits as well....

No, of course you're not comfortable with opening up. Vulnerability is scary. Healing is painful. But it's vital to a whole, rich, rewarding life.

FreeOwl

Oh and..... NOT opening up; how 'comfortable' has that been going?

HTown

My family is not big on therapy either. A sign of weakness. I went anyway. I got a lot out of it. Especially the Cognative Behaviour Therapy. There was a definate goal, an end, not just endless sessions. It taught me to reframe my thoughts. Plus it was nice to have someone to talk things through. A minister or priest may help you there as well, but if you feel you have a personality disorder then see an MD, a psychiatrist.

Lava256

I don't know anything different. I only know my side of things, the kind of life i've been living. I theoretically know that there's better but I have never experienced it. At least not since my late teens. Whenever I attempt to open up to someone and tell them what I feel (it could be anything really... any emotion) I simply clam up and get stuck. I can't get the words out. That's why i'm really surprised I was even able to speak to a doctor about my alcoholism. At one point I thought I was going to burst into tears (which is what I usually do on the very rare occasions when I do express my feelings) but I didn't. It's been the same in all my relationships (especially romantic relationships). I honestly don't know how my husband has been able to be with me all this time (been together 6 years). I can't and don't talk to him about anything that would expose my vulnerability and thus my passive aggressiveness because he is so open and direct and honest (brutally honest sometimes) about his feelings. It's exhausting, really.

So that's how it's been working for me. I guess not too well...

Lava256

Good on you that you went anyway. I think I'll go anyway too. At the end of the day, it is my life and I should do all that I can to make it better and that can only be good for everyone else too.

Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, counselor.... I don't know which is which or who does what. I'll ask my doc tomorrow. He should be able to guide me on this.

I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks again.

Lava256

Thanks, PJ. I'll give it my all. I really will try to get help and get better.

nova84

Hi Lava, below is something I very recently posted in the gratitude forum...

"Today I am grateful for my weekly psychotherapy sessions. Almost 2 years down the line and my therapist and I have agreed that my sessions will come to an end in April/May 🎉🎉🎉 It has required perseverance and determination, it has been difficult, uncomfortable and challenging but it's the best thing I've ever done...I can't believe the amount of 'baggage' (aka trauma) I was carrying around...and I feel so much 'lighter' (aka healed)" 💜

I say go for it Lava x