No, gracias, no bebo.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
No, gracias, no bebo.
So I'm back from my vacation to Cuba and I did it sober 
It was a fantastic trip, beaches were gorgeous, water was warm, food was surprisingly good, we did a few boat trips and lots of snorkeling, talked to lots of people, relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. It was wonderful to not be obsessed about drinking the whole time. I avoided the swim up bar aka the pee pee pool and instead went to the ocean..... way nicer. We went to bed early every day so I could avoid the night time drinking scene but also because we were tired from all the sun and being so active all day. It was really great! I'm so glad I didn't drink. Over and over I kept being amazed by the fact that I was sober and that I was fine with it.
There were 2 defining moments/ tests that happened to me while I was there that I'd like to tell you all about.
The first happened the night we arrived. It was quite late, after midnight by the time we got to the resort and there was only one person working the front desk to check in a whole bus full of us tourists..... it was a looooong wait and people had started drinking as soon as we arrived. There was one man in our group who had fanangled a tray and kept going over to the bar and bringing back beers for all of us in the line. His first few rounds weren't a problem because my boyfriend was beside me shielding me from it although he was taking beer for himself. I was really eyeballing those beers and I could feel my resolve eroding and my AV was chirping away at me, it was a strong craving. Well my boyfriend went to the bathroom on the last round and the guy walked over to me with the last cold beer on the tray and said to me here you go, last ones for you! And just like that I reached out and took it. So now I'm standing in line with this cold beer in my hand, part of me is jubilant, and part of me is terrified, my mind is going crazy. I could feel myself shifting between my two desires.... I actually smelled the beer, but I didn't drink it. My boyfriend comes back and I say, I've got a beer, and he says, I see that, and I say, I'm thinking about drinking it, he says, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I hold on to it for a few more seconds thinking about how if I drink it it will mean I will be drunk for the rest of the trip, and that that day was my 30 anniversary and I pass the beer to him. I passed the test.
After that it was easy, sure, I thought about it but my AV had lost it's steam and I felt secure in myself.
Until Friday. Now all week I'd been avoiding the bars and ordering water, pop, juice, or coffee. This day my bf wanted to go to the bar in the common area and since it was his trip too I agreed. When we got there I thought maybe I'll have a virgin cocktail, so I tell the waitress that I don't drink and asked her what kind of virgin cocktail she would recommend. She says blue something, I didn't catch the end, but I said sure sounds good. She comes back with this really pretty fancy drink. I take a sip and think I think this has alcohol in it..... so I take another sip and think yep this has alcohol in it!!! My mind started freaking out! First thought is don't say anything and quick order another, which I ignore and I ask my bf to have a sip to see if he also thinks I've just drank alcohol. He agrees. So now I'm panicking, I've blown my sobriety, I've drank, and my beast is out of IT's cage, my thoughts are racing through my mind, and my AV takes over, says to me buckle up cuz here we go! Party's on! I pick up the drink and have some more and I'm saying to my bf well since I've started drinking I might as well drink all night, after all I'm on vacation in an all inclusive resort. My AV is at the wheel, I've temporarily lost control. This is for like a minute and then I come back to my senses..... like whoa whoa whoa.... stop the bus, put the brakes on here. This was a misunderstanding, a mistake, you didn't order this drink, you tried to tell the nice Cuban lady that you didn't want alcohol but something was lost in translation, she didn't understand your accent. Stop drinking right now! So I did. That drink played on my mind all that night.... I couldn't sleep that night. Not because I wanted more, but because I drank more even once I KNEW it had alcohol in it. Before that I wasn't sure but once I did I made a decision to pick it up and have some more..... so did I break my sobriety? Yes I did. I was caught off guard and my alcoholic mind got the better of me for a moment, but I pulled myself out of it and stopped. I can either look at it as a failure on my part or as another test that I passed. Failure would have meant continuing drinking and throwing in the towel, giving in to my AV. I'm choosing to look at it as a test and a reminder to stay vigilant. I'm not going to dwell on it but instead just keep moving forward in my new sober life. What else can I do? It happened.
It was a fantastic trip, beaches were gorgeous, water was warm, food was surprisingly good, we did a few boat trips and lots of snorkeling, talked to lots of people, relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. It was wonderful to not be obsessed about drinking the whole time. I avoided the swim up bar aka the pee pee pool and instead went to the ocean..... way nicer. We went to bed early every day so I could avoid the night time drinking scene but also because we were tired from all the sun and being so active all day. It was really great! I'm so glad I didn't drink. Over and over I kept being amazed by the fact that I was sober and that I was fine with it. There were 2 defining moments/ tests that happened to me while I was there that I'd like to tell you all about.
The first happened the night we arrived. It was quite late, after midnight by the time we got to the resort and there was only one person working the front desk to check in a whole bus full of us tourists..... it was a looooong wait and people had started drinking as soon as we arrived. There was one man in our group who had fanangled a tray and kept going over to the bar and bringing back beers for all of us in the line. His first few rounds weren't a problem because my boyfriend was beside me shielding me from it although he was taking beer for himself. I was really eyeballing those beers and I could feel my resolve eroding and my AV was chirping away at me, it was a strong craving. Well my boyfriend went to the bathroom on the last round and the guy walked over to me with the last cold beer on the tray and said to me here you go, last ones for you! And just like that I reached out and took it. So now I'm standing in line with this cold beer in my hand, part of me is jubilant, and part of me is terrified, my mind is going crazy. I could feel myself shifting between my two desires.... I actually smelled the beer, but I didn't drink it. My boyfriend comes back and I say, I've got a beer, and he says, I see that, and I say, I'm thinking about drinking it, he says, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I hold on to it for a few more seconds thinking about how if I drink it it will mean I will be drunk for the rest of the trip, and that that day was my 30 anniversary and I pass the beer to him. I passed the test.
After that it was easy, sure, I thought about it but my AV had lost it's steam and I felt secure in myself.
Until Friday. Now all week I'd been avoiding the bars and ordering water, pop, juice, or coffee. This day my bf wanted to go to the bar in the common area and since it was his trip too I agreed. When we got there I thought maybe I'll have a virgin cocktail, so I tell the waitress that I don't drink and asked her what kind of virgin cocktail she would recommend. She says blue something, I didn't catch the end, but I said sure sounds good. She comes back with this really pretty fancy drink. I take a sip and think I think this has alcohol in it..... so I take another sip and think yep this has alcohol in it!!! My mind started freaking out! First thought is don't say anything and quick order another, which I ignore and I ask my bf to have a sip to see if he also thinks I've just drank alcohol. He agrees. So now I'm panicking, I've blown my sobriety, I've drank, and my beast is out of IT's cage, my thoughts are racing through my mind, and my AV takes over, says to me buckle up cuz here we go! Party's on! I pick up the drink and have some more and I'm saying to my bf well since I've started drinking I might as well drink all night, after all I'm on vacation in an all inclusive resort. My AV is at the wheel, I've temporarily lost control. This is for like a minute and then I come back to my senses..... like whoa whoa whoa.... stop the bus, put the brakes on here. This was a misunderstanding, a mistake, you didn't order this drink, you tried to tell the nice Cuban lady that you didn't want alcohol but something was lost in translation, she didn't understand your accent. Stop drinking right now! So I did. That drink played on my mind all that night.... I couldn't sleep that night. Not because I wanted more, but because I drank more even once I KNEW it had alcohol in it. Before that I wasn't sure but once I did I made a decision to pick it up and have some more..... so did I break my sobriety? Yes I did. I was caught off guard and my alcoholic mind got the better of me for a moment, but I pulled myself out of it and stopped. I can either look at it as a failure on my part or as another test that I passed. Failure would have meant continuing drinking and throwing in the towel, giving in to my AV. I'm choosing to look at it as a test and a reminder to stay vigilant. I'm not going to dwell on it but instead just keep moving forward in my new sober life. What else can I do? It happened.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Zen ,
early on in my sobriety i was given a tomato to try as a treat , it was one that had been soaked in vodka .
I had the same rush of emotions you did with that drink.
I didn't re-set my sobriety, my intention was sobriety, once i realised the mistake i stopped. Still on my sober routine.
I hope you stay on your guard , virgin cocktails .. hmm well probably not for me, give me a fruit juice or sparkling water (especially in a foreign language)
glad you got through ,
best wishes, m
early on in my sobriety i was given a tomato to try as a treat , it was one that had been soaked in vodka .
I had the same rush of emotions you did with that drink.
I didn't re-set my sobriety, my intention was sobriety, once i realised the mistake i stopped. Still on my sober routine.
I hope you stay on your guard , virgin cocktails .. hmm well probably not for me, give me a fruit juice or sparkling water (especially in a foreign language)
glad you got through ,
best wishes, m
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I hope you stay on your guard , virgin cocktails .. hmm well probably not for me give me a fruit juice or sparkling water (especially in a foreign language)
Agreed. That was a bad decision that I won't be making again.
Agreed. That was a bad decision that I won't be making again.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
thatnk you, there's a trip I hope to make one day. Thanks for the taste.
Re the worry about calling that relapsing. Don't. You got back on track and got stronger for it. Something similar happened to me a few years into sobriety and I'm not resetting the clock, rather to me the event affirms my sobriety.
Re the worry about calling that relapsing. Don't. You got back on track and got stronger for it. Something similar happened to me a few years into sobriety and I'm not resetting the clock, rather to me the event affirms my sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Yeah, I'm not seeing it as a relapse/ return to drinking. Drinking that beer in the lobby when I first arrived would have been a decision to drink..... this was a mistake and I got overwhelmed at the moment, but it was only a moment. I just feel the need to be totally open and honest about it. It was a powerful reminder.
Overall though I'm feeling proud of myself. It is a big deal to me that I didn't drink on my vacation..... it was on my mind a lot before I left, I was having a lot of anxiety about whether I would still be able to enjoy myself or if I would spend the whole trip white knuckling it until I cracked. That wasn't the case at all aside from these 2 moments, and frankly, some AV activity is to be expected. It's great that I'll actually be able to remember my whole trip! And that I didn't spend any of it hungover.
The best part was being out on the catamaran and 3 dolphins came up beside us and swam around us for awhile! That was really neat They were totally checking us out!
Overall though I'm feeling proud of myself. It is a big deal to me that I didn't drink on my vacation..... it was on my mind a lot before I left, I was having a lot of anxiety about whether I would still be able to enjoy myself or if I would spend the whole trip white knuckling it until I cracked. That wasn't the case at all aside from these 2 moments, and frankly, some AV activity is to be expected. It's great that I'll actually be able to remember my whole trip! And that I didn't spend any of it hungover.
The best part was being out on the catamaran and 3 dolphins came up beside us and swam around us for awhile! That was really neat
They were totally checking us out!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,413
I pick up the drink and have some more
I'm glad you were able to stop but why make a hard thing harder - maybe bars and you should take a break for a while?
Congrats on your progress though Zen and welcome back
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by Dee74 
yeah, that would have had me thinking all night too. That's a little more than sipping it to see....
I'm glad you were able to stop but why make a hard thing harder - maybe bars and you should take a break for a while?
Congrats on your progress though Zen and welcome back
D
I'm glad you were able to stop but why make a hard thing harder - maybe bars and you should take a break for a while?
Congrats on your progress though Zen and welcome back
D
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
I think another thing to watch out for is that if it happens again don't let that you successfully avoided a full blown relapse that time make you think you have some sort of control.
If I find myself in a similar situation without support and with something unwanted happen and I feel very unhappy and I accidentally ingest some booze. I am still an alcoholic and I cannot solve the situation by drinking. I can only make it worse by drinking. When that situation arises which likely will at some time what then? A wake up call. Remain ever vigilant. The best way for me is to continue to train my habitual response to pleasant and unpleasant sensations that arise at any time, any where. Equanimity and awareness using meditation.
If I find myself in a similar situation without support and with something unwanted happen and I feel very unhappy and I accidentally ingest some booze. I am still an alcoholic and I cannot solve the situation by drinking. I can only make it worse by drinking. When that situation arises which likely will at some time what then? A wake up call. Remain ever vigilant. The best way for me is to continue to train my habitual response to pleasant and unpleasant sensations that arise at any time, any where. Equanimity and awareness using meditation.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by Grymt
I think another thing to watch out for is that if it happens again don't let that you successfully avoided a full blown relapse that time make you think you have some sort of control.
If I find myself in a similar situation without support and with something unwanted happen and I feel very unhappy and I accidentally ingest some booze. I am still an alcoholic and I cannot solve the situation by drinking. I can only make it worse by drinking. When that situation arises which likely will at some time what then? A wake up call. Remain ever vigilant. The best way for me is to continue to train my habitual response to pleasant and unpleasant sensations that arise at any time, any where. Equanimity and awareness using meditation.
If I find myself in a similar situation without support and with something unwanted happen and I feel very unhappy and I accidentally ingest some booze. I am still an alcoholic and I cannot solve the situation by drinking. I can only make it worse by drinking. When that situation arises which likely will at some time what then? A wake up call. Remain ever vigilant. The best way for me is to continue to train my habitual response to pleasant and unpleasant sensations that arise at any time, any where. Equanimity and awareness using meditation.
I will never order another virgin cocktail. Lesson learned there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
