bronzie

My mom is too mean, my life is too chaotic.
I tried. I just can't in this situation
They got back this morning at 6am and I went away for most of the day.
I really want sobriety
My surroundings are too much for me to control.
Everyone is so mean to me. No matter if I am sober or not, they are just so mean and unkind.

Dee74

I said that too bronzie...I couldn't live the life I lived without drinking.

but as time went on things got so bad I had no choice but stop drinking or die...so I changed my life.

I know you can quit tho. If I can, anyone can

Maybe it's going to take a little more for you to quit than what you've been doing?

Maybe it's not a question of controlling others, or changing your surroundings, but changing your reactions and giving yourself other alternatives to cope with stuff other than drinking?

D

badger257

You can do this! It is never going to be the right time...our addiction tells us that we will get sober when this that or the other is right. But this is something you have to do now. It's not going to be easy, but I believe in you.

fini

bronzie, yes, your surroundings are too much to try and ontrol....so stop trying.
Put your energy into what you CAN control.....which is what you will put in place to help you change how you react to your negative mean environment.
there are paths you can follw regardless of environment.
not saying it's easy, just that it IS doable.

Soberandhealthy

I hear you alcohol helped me bear a lot things it numbed I could be in the presence of anyone I could be anything.

At 13 days today I am not going to tell you that I got it and I am save. No I am struggling constantly.

I am going to tell though my reason for wanting a sober life. Alcohol took me places and made me do things that caused me great pain. In a nutshell I am done with unnecessary suffering and that it's what will happen if I pick up again. The consequences will be dire and I'm too old for this unnecessary suffering so I will keep trying and I hope you too. Feel better tomorrow is another day just keep trying.

FreedomCA

I have found that there are always going to be people in my life who I don't think treat me nicely or fairly. Their actions and behavior are out of my control, and I can only try and do what's right and best for me, including not drinking.

MarkTwain

People can be mean. Your mom is mean. I know all about that.

Just because they are mean, doesn't mean you have to be mean to yourself (drinking).

Maybe get your revenge? Don't drink and be kind to them....show them they don't control you or how you feel.

(And get away if you can!)

Soberwolf

You have us x

Forward12

There will always be an excuse to keep drinking, but you do have the power to stop. Do you have a solid support system in place? Going to AA regularly? Possibly and addiction specialist or even rehab?

bronzie

Thank you all. No I don't really have a support system. But I do think my family would support me going to AA. I could go back to the treatment center on Tuesday. I just don't feel good. I was all hopeful and excited to be getting sober! I got my new book, Red Road to Wellbriety in the Native American spirituality. I will keep reading that.
I just feel so worthless. My bf tells me how worthless I am, but he is the one always in jail. I go to work and take care of children all day. They love me. My head hurts, my body hurts, what happened to this beautiful day. There is something wrong with me . I feel like I need a drink to get this headache to go away. Will I ever be normal? I hate myself so much right now.

Dee74

You're not worthless but it's easy to feel that way when you're drinking

It's a real leap of faith to stop using your one coping mechanism and to trust that everything will work out, but it will.

You can find other healthy positive ways to deal with the ups and downs of life

D

bronzie

Thank you, Dee. I'm gonna start over tmrw and just find a way to get thru. I can't control others, but I can't control my self and what I put in my body. Me and my daughter deserve to be healthy and clean. I don't have to feel angry or hateful. I have a beautiful sweet child who deserves everything. I don't deserve her, but I'm so thankful she is my sweet baby! Please help me and give me strength to be here for her! PLEASE!!!! I'm not doing this to us anymore!!!

JustTony

I look back a few days and I hear a similar desperation in your voice to mine. I only have seven days but I feel so much better.

Please, please keep trying. You can definitely do it. We're all here for you. I'll check in later after work.

Tony.

GaryB1

Hi Bronzie, this is true. If you wait for the perfect conditions in which to give up drinking, you may die waiting.
I know people who hung on so long they had health problems caused by the booze to contend with along with the everyday trails and tribulations of life when they did eventually give it up.
You just have to take the plunge and stick with it, whatever is happening in life. At least if you stop drinking, it's one less burden to carry.
Wishing you all the best

Dee74

We're all behind you Bronzie

D

bronzie

Thank you all so much! 5 years ago j had stage 2 liver disease, but since then I had stopped drinking, went thru a healthy pregnancy, and was getting my life back together. Things started really going downhill for me about 6 months ago, and its been a back and forth battle ever since. Although, I have been drinking again for longer than 6 months. I have had 3 weeks of sobriety in a row so far this year, and I felt great! I want that for the rest of my life. Now I'm gonna switch to positive thinking and say, I CAN do this, and it IS gonna happen for me!!!!! Starting right now!!!!!

bronzie

Thank you, Tony. I'm going to be successful in my sobriety! You will see very soon, I will say I have 7 days also, and then longer and longer until forever! Congrats to you on a full week of sobriety! We can definitely do this!

Berrybean

Awww hugs Bronzie. You know, it just sounds like your AV is shouting real loud, trying to keep you feeding it. Please, please get back to AA. Why wait for your families approval or support on that. Just find a way to get to a meeting where the people can help you to not listen to that crazy AV.

Your mom is mean.... drinking won't change her
Your life is chaotic .... well, drinking won't ever make that less so, but sobriety might we so. Certainly did for me and thousands of others.

Why not check out the options for AA meetings in your area, get to some meetings this week and take some numbers to call, next time your AV raises it's voice in your head. There are some great (free) AA speaker recordings available to listen to online as well. http://www.recoveryaudio.org/

You can do this. It doesn't take faith. It takes acceptance and willingness. Willingness to lean into your fears, and willingness to sit with uncomfortable feelings (those feelings, I discovered, actually can't kill us, as much as it might seem so in early sobriety ).

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

bronzie

Thank you, I really appreciate that.
Ok so, I'm making a plan.
There is an AA meeting in my town that I found on Tuesday mornings at 11:30, but that's the same time I work. So, I'm going to put in a request to not work until 1pm on tuesdays, and then I can start attending that meeting. I will also try to find a meeting I can attend on the weekends. Just afraid I might see someone I know there, small town.

Lava256

Yes, I was equally concerned about bumping into someone I know in AA and being embarrassed. However, the biggest embarrassment would be to have a problem with alcohol and do nothing about it. Additionally, anyone you meet in AA is in the same boat you're in so I don't think you should worry about being shamed.