I'm here tonight, trying to make right CHOICE
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
I'm here tonight, trying to make right CHOICE
My head hurts, my back is killing me, I'm irritable, I want to drink tonight because I know it would help the pain, but I also know it would be short term; and then the after effects would be even worse.
I did not get even half of the house work done today that I needed to do. My 3 year old has been very busy and no nap!
My bf who got out of jail on Thursday, and has basically been an a** to me our entire relationship (1 1/2 yrs). I'm sick of the cursing, name calling, and emotional abuse whenever he gets mad or offended. He takes everything out on me, not physically, but the unkind words and yelling still hurt my feelings and make me feel unloved.
My new recovery book came in the mail today and I'm excited to get started on that tonight instead of drinking. I just wish the headache would go away so I could at least get something done.
Thinking of HALT, I have felt angry and lonely today. And I feel like such a failure when I am not productive. And people in my family always remind me of that, even if in subtle ways. If I'm not doing something for them, then I'm useless. And I hate feeling that way. I just want everyone to be happy and peaceful, and not fighting all the time!
On a positive note, I made chicken fajitas for dinner and they were delicious. And I did a fun craft with my daughter and got outside a bit before it started raining. Now I'm here, and I'm really gonna try to get thru the night and make it to a meeting soon as well.
Sorry for the long post.
I did not get even half of the house work done today that I needed to do. My 3 year old has been very busy and no nap!
My bf who got out of jail on Thursday, and has basically been an a** to me our entire relationship (1 1/2 yrs). I'm sick of the cursing, name calling, and emotional abuse whenever he gets mad or offended. He takes everything out on me, not physically, but the unkind words and yelling still hurt my feelings and make me feel unloved.
My new recovery book came in the mail today and I'm excited to get started on that tonight instead of drinking. I just wish the headache would go away so I could at least get something done.
Thinking of HALT, I have felt angry and lonely today. And I feel like such a failure when I am not productive. And people in my family always remind me of that, even if in subtle ways. If I'm not doing something for them, then I'm useless. And I hate feeling that way. I just want everyone to be happy and peaceful, and not fighting all the time!
On a positive note, I made chicken fajitas for dinner and they were delicious. And I did a fun craft with my daughter and got outside a bit before it started raining. Now I'm here, and I'm really gonna try to get thru the night and make it to a meeting soon as well.
Sorry for the long post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
I am resting now, not drinking, but I won't be able to sleep until after my kid is asleep and I am able to get some things done. I will drink water, herbal tea and do some deep breathing to help me stay calm.
you can do this Bronzie x
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Bronzie.
Sorry you are in pain, and good for you posting here instead of turning to a drink.
Please, don't feel useless. It's one of the most destructive feelings which can easily turn into an emotional trigger to drink.
You can't please anyone - and your most important goal is to focus on your sobriety and your happiness. Because when we are unhappy and angry is't hard to help anyone else. Put your oxygen mask first.
As for feeling unproductive - "before you start making things better, stop making things worse".
Look at stopping making things worse as productive behavior. You are not drinking, and thus not destroying your sober reality. You are doing house work.
Just look at this
On a positive note, I made chicken fajitas for dinner and they were delicious. And I did a fun craft with my daughter and got outside a bit before it started raining. Now I'm here, and I'm really gonna try to get thru the night and make it to a meeting soon as well.
Sorry for the long post. You've also done half of the housework.
How is that not productive???!
Stop measuring yourself some non-existent ideal scenario.
Enjoy your book, fajitas and quality time with your daughter - you are making it possible because you've chosen not to drink.
I'll wrap it up with another quote i"ve heard recently
"Hard choices - easy life, easy choices - hard life".
Even if life won't be always easy, it will surely be better without drinking.
Take care of yourself.
Keep posting.
Sorry you are in pain, and good for you posting here instead of turning to a drink.
Please, don't feel useless. It's one of the most destructive feelings which can easily turn into an emotional trigger to drink.
You can't please anyone - and your most important goal is to focus on your sobriety and your happiness. Because when we are unhappy and angry is't hard to help anyone else. Put your oxygen mask first.
As for feeling unproductive - "before you start making things better, stop making things worse".
Look at stopping making things worse as productive behavior. You are not drinking, and thus not destroying your sober reality. You are doing house work.
Just look at this
Originally Posted by bronzie 
On a positive note, I made chicken fajitas for dinner and they were delicious. And I did a fun craft with my daughter and got outside a bit before it started raining. Now I'm here, and I'm really gonna try to get thru the night and make it to a meeting soon as well.
Sorry for the long post.
How is that not productive???!
Stop measuring yourself some non-existent ideal scenario.
Enjoy your book, fajitas and quality time with your daughter - you are making it possible because you've chosen not to drink.
I'll wrap it up with another quote i"ve heard recently
"Hard choices - easy life, easy choices - hard life".
Even if life won't be always easy, it will surely be better without drinking.
Take care of yourself.
Keep posting.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
I hope you made it to sleep OK bronzie.
I don't think you need to please everybody else at all but in that context I think that the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to stay sober.
Obviously your relationship with your bf is totally your own business and I understand that things can look a lot different from the inside of a relationship than it does from the outside but it does not sound like your bf is contributing anything positive to your life or your daughters. I suppose he has only been out of jail for a couple of days so perhaps there is still time for him to drop the attitude.
I don't think you need to please everybody else at all but in that context I think that the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to stay sober.
Obviously your relationship with your bf is totally your own business and I understand that things can look a lot different from the inside of a relationship than it does from the outside but it does not sound like your bf is contributing anything positive to your life or your daughters. I suppose he has only been out of jail for a couple of days so perhaps there is still time for him to drop the attitude.
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