Alan6154

I am on day 106 and I still have Envy. That is how I know I am still early into my journey. Beating the physical dependence was tough (read "Horrible") but coming to terms with the reality of a lifelong commitment isn't any piece of cake either.

I can never say this out loud to those I care about because I don't want to try to make my problem theirs but..

I envy my Wife who can go out and have a few drinks with her friends and be responsible.

I envy my friends who I go out to a nice dinner with and they can enjoy a Merlot or Chianti without finishing the bottle.

I envy my relatives who can sip on a good Scotch and appreciate it for what it is without downing half a bottle.

I envy my neighbor who can finish mowing his lawn and enjoy a cold beer without feeling the need to finish off the rest of the case.

There is a difference to me between quitting drinking and alcohol avoidance. I do not live up the street from Dorothy and Toto. Alcohol is all around me, it's on TV, the radio, magazines, novels. Hell it's in my house. I'm not going to take the long way home because I go past a liquor store on my normal route. I am not going to give a rotted fermented potato that much power over me. AND I cannot live in a bubble.

So until my brain rewires. I have Envy.....

thomas11

I don't have any advice Alan, but envy and jealousy are silent killers. It may be worthwhile to research the subject to see if there is something you can do to help you overcome it. Something that may help is acceptance. Seeing someone sip a scotch and just accept that we cannot do that. Doesn't make us less of a person. I feel very fortunate from the standpoint that I do not envy people that can drink. Its their choice. Heck, most of the people I know that drink have a drinking problem and won't admit it.

BrendaChenowyth

I envy the last person I poured a glass of wine for. She tried a sip, said mm that's really good, and basically forgot it was there. I poured most of it down the sink. In fact, I think she switched to coffee. I can't understand having a sip of wine, liking it, and then giving no further thought to it.

My best friend was at a party and was absolutely LIVID when everybody else stopped drinking just because they were out of mixers. There was still plenty of alcohol. He found this deeply offensive for some reason.

It's funny...

doggonecarl

You envy their ability to drink. Which means you resent not being able to. Does that mean you resent being sober? Because if you view sobriety as being deprived of the pleasure of alcohol, you will struggle.

Alan6154

Just time Thomas, all it will take is time.

Alan6154

Doggonecarl,

I envy their ability to do something that I cannot. I can't sing either - wish I could.

It will just take time, this is still new to me.

Mizzuno

Envy is a tough place to be in. I know I felt this at one time or another. I think I drank enough to wipe out those feelings. I just cannot have alcohol. Period. Im envious of productive people, and while I was drinking this is who I wanted to be.

I wanted to be able to run without a hangover. Go to sleep without heartburn and over saturation. I was envious of the people who lived in a healthy manner and I was so damn tired of pretending to be a "healthy person".

Just my thoughts on the matter.

Soberwolf

This is known commonly as the FOMO (Fear of missing out) I can 100% promise you your not missing out by staying sober (you would be missing out if you were drinking)

These nights will lessen

tomsteve

for me envy is a form of self pity and self pity is something im good without. i dont envy normal drinkers. in fact, im greatful they can have a couple and walk away.
dont recall ever being envious of them either.
gratitude is an amazing thing. just being greatful to admit and accept im an alcoholic and dont want to even attempt to drink like normal drinkers feels good.

LoveHateMerlot

Same here, Alan...can't wait until the envy passes. So many people around me who don't want to finish the bottle, I'm in awe over their self control. Maybe it's not even self control, it's just a feeling they get to stop drinking now. My feeling tells me to keep going. Anyways, I'm on Day 15, and I too have envy.

Maudcat

Acceptance is key, Alan. When you accept that drinking is just not good for you, and when you accept that the steps you have taken to stay sober are positive ones for your physical health, your relationships, and your wallet, there will be no room for envy. Hang in there. Robust congratulations on your sober time. That is great!

JustTony

I was reading this with my cup of Red Bush Tea (Day 4 nearly over in the UK) and thinking about this.

Firstly I was siding with the OP's sentiments and thinking "Well to be honest, who doesn't want as many choices/options in life as possible? "

And then I thought about it some more and reflected that, in reality, drinking always took away my choices and options. After drinking I couldn't do any of the following either properly, legally or optimally. I couldn't drive, work, read, work out, diet, converse, travel, commit or make sensible decisions.

So I can't drink that cold beer or bottle of wine. But I can do twenty other things instead that if I had drank that beer or bottle of wine I couldn't do.

Just my rambling thoughts...

makeover

Oh my goodness well done on 106 days thats amazing!

You may be envious for the "normal-drinkers" but I envy you for going 106 days without alcohol!

Keep going you're doing fab

Alan6154

I understand and hey, we are all here to be honest right. If I said I don't still get the urge occasionally I would be lying. Like a person who has battled a weight issue their whole life watching someone in shape eat a piece of cake and thinking in that moment "That looks good".

oakleaf82

Alan, I get it. I am just a bit further along than you, and I still feel it. My logical side, and taking all I've learned about addiction, has no envy. Heck, everyone else should envy me for not needing to partake in that charade anymore!

But every once in awhile I still get the urge. It's a cultural pastime that I participated in for a long time. I think it will take time to break that pattern.

Congrats on 106 days!

Mountainmanbob

Never once missed booze since my last drunk. I proved to myself many times that I don't drink like normal people. Even as I see other people drink a little, I know it's not for me.

Been there
got the T-shirt.

M-Bob

JoeCree

Envy goes away once you accept the nature of your problem. Good on you for recognizing it.

I often think (compare) to dieters who have eating disorders. As you "envy" the guy who has a merlot, imagine the dieter or obese person who envys you for polishing off a desert.
As much as the "woe is me" phase did pass, i thank the lord i didnt have an obsession with food (watching TLC 600lb stories). Alcohol is poisonous to us, and makes sense to not drink it, but we NEED food to live.

Grymt

Anything that happens on one of the senses (including the mind) is ephemeral, impermanent, temporary, fleeting. It will pass. Just as it rises, it passes. This is the nature of all things. Envy is just one of many things. All things are to be used as tools to develop equanimity, no-reaction, as the flux of reality as it really is unfolds. When reality as it is, moment to moment, is observed, equanimously, its true nature, impermanence, is revealed. It rises to pass away. Do not develop aversion or craving as the sensations rise. Develop equanimity. In time, envy, like all impurities, rise merely to pass away. All accumulated stock of impurities rise to pass away, leading to liberation. Be aware, be equanimous, be liberated. Be Happy.

Dee74

I think envy is a natural manifestation of early recovery - there's often an ambivalence there about quitting.

The more I built a sober life I loved tho, the less I wanted to leave it.

Today I'm happy content and serene.

I could never say that as an active addict

D

JustTony

Right there.

That's what I want.