Social Anxiety, Isolation & Alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 104
Social Anxiety, Isolation & Alcoholism
Very new to sobriety, but having a lot of realizations from what led me to rely on alcohol through the different stages of my habit...from 20-30, 30 to recent past, all mostly tied to a very low self-esteem, social anxiety and now decades later at the pinnacle of it, a handful of significant personal struggles multiplied by elevated social anxiety and believed inferiority. My isolation phase and almost 3 year grand finale is when it truly was the worst...the sneaking, pretending and rationalizing and planning.
For me it's important to know how my behaviors, patterns, thoughts, beliefs have led me here.
Professionally I am easily very social because of the focus being job/duty related with minor hidden underlying anxiety.
On a personal level not at all - I am realizing it will take me a long time to open up. A lot of fears and misaligned resentments still lingering and unhealed.
I am working on it, but am concerned that my adjusted comfort with isolation and independence will be life limiting and I don't know how to get past it. Anyone else struggled with the same and found themselves on the other side of it?
For me it's important to know how my behaviors, patterns, thoughts, beliefs have led me here.
Professionally I am easily very social because of the focus being job/duty related with minor hidden underlying anxiety.
On a personal level not at all - I am realizing it will take me a long time to open up. A lot of fears and misaligned resentments still lingering and unhealed.
I am working on it, but am concerned that my adjusted comfort with isolation and independence will be life limiting and I don't know how to get past it. Anyone else struggled with the same and found themselves on the other side of it?
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
People. There's times when I feel like I can just take them or leave them. Sometimes I don't want to be around people...or...err....certain people. Not that I'm "Grumpy Cat".... but people can be soooo annoying! I get that we do need others...I get that....but depending on who the 'others' are, sometimes they help us and sometimes they hinder us. I think it's okay to be selective about how you spend your time and WHO you spend it with.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
Yes. I created a life in sobriety that isolates me from contact with other people, things and events. I found that reduction of stimulii important in reducing and learning to cope with anxiety. It made it easier to identify anxious moments and my reactions. A time came when I became aware of what I had been doing and I recognised the value of it as well as the limitations. I started to push out from there. Slowly I incorporated risks and used the coping mechanisms I had learnt to cope with the attendant elevated anxiety. I found the coping mechanisms working and I extended further and so on. The coping mechanisms are working and I can take risks in life I would not have successfully coped with early in sobriety. It has taken me years but I can say it can happen.
I got past it by using the respite from immediate anxiety stimulation to learn a range of coping mechanisms. Primarily continuous equanimous awareness of in and out breathing or anapana meditation for short. I went from a dependence on valium to none in a number of years. I saw a psychologist regularly over a number of years. I found that I had a wheat intolerance that kept me at a continumous elevated level of anxiety.
Today my anxiety events are clearly defined and separate and infrequent. Instead my life is filled with a renewed hope and enthusiams reminiscent of that of my youth.
I got past it by using the respite from immediate anxiety stimulation to learn a range of coping mechanisms. Primarily continuous equanimous awareness of in and out breathing or anapana meditation for short. I went from a dependence on valium to none in a number of years. I saw a psychologist regularly over a number of years. I found that I had a wheat intolerance that kept me at a continumous elevated level of anxiety.
Today my anxiety events are clearly defined and separate and infrequent. Instead my life is filled with a renewed hope and enthusiams reminiscent of that of my youth.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi halfalife 
When I got sober I had to accept that I really wasn't that social a guy.
Others can do that bon vivant thing, but it's not me - I see now my years of drinking were, on some level, an attempt to make me into that kind of person.
Funny thing is tho I'm actually better at the socialising and the small talk that ever before now.
It takes time...learning a new skill is always going to be a process..I still don't like it much but I can do it, at least long enough to satisfy expectations - and then highttail it out of there...
I think being comfortable with who I am helps immensely...there's much less anxiety now.
Accept yourself
D
When I got sober I had to accept that I really wasn't that social a guy.
Others can do that bon vivant thing, but it's not me - I see now my years of drinking were, on some level, an attempt to make me into that kind of person.
Funny thing is tho I'm actually better at the socialising and the small talk that ever before now.
It takes time...learning a new skill is always going to be a process..I still don't like it much but I can do it, at least long enough to satisfy expectations - and then highttail it out of there...
I think being comfortable with who I am helps immensely...there's much less anxiety now.
Accept yourself
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 104
Thank you Grymt and Dee,
Baby steps so far. I'm not the kind of person that is interested in a lot of surface level acquaintance type relationships, but hopefully connecting someday in a healthy enriching way. I removed myself from it for some time, became comfortable with it and now the water is a little colder than I prefer so-to-speak. I'm the sincere yet awkward type and loyal close friend...hope to grow old someday with a few close friends. I have one who has stuck by me when I pulled back because I was ashamed that it had gotten so out of control, she doesn't know of all of this quite yet.
Comfortable alone, but loneliness is different and that's where drinking brought me.
Always great advice and perspective for consideration.
Baby steps so far. I'm not the kind of person that is interested in a lot of surface level acquaintance type relationships, but hopefully connecting someday in a healthy enriching way. I removed myself from it for some time, became comfortable with it and now the water is a little colder than I prefer so-to-speak. I'm the sincere yet awkward type and loyal close friend...hope to grow old someday with a few close friends. I have one who has stuck by me when I pulled back because I was ashamed that it had gotten so out of control, she doesn't know of all of this quite yet.
Comfortable alone, but loneliness is different and that's where drinking brought me.
Always great advice and perspective for consideration.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Ever wonder why the "Grumpy Cat" thing has been so successful? Well, it's got some great dark humor...BUT, I think part of it is that there are so many people who can maybe relate to Grumpy Cat just a tad.
I don't do too well with superficial chitchat. I just have little desire and patience for it. And, there is a lot of superficiality in this world. Being a social butterfly is overrated I think. But, I also know it's not good to isolate. So, what's the balance?
"I love long walks. Especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Grumpy Cat
I don't do too well with superficial chitchat. I just have little desire and patience for it. And, there is a lot of superficiality in this world. Being a social butterfly is overrated I think. But, I also know it's not good to isolate. So, what's the balance?
"I love long walks. Especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Grumpy Cat
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
It can be a mixed bag of possibly having depression and other underlying mental health issues which often leads to alcoholism.
I also am pretty anti social and looked at it as something wrong, though my therapist asked if I actually enjoyed the isolated, and in a way I do. He said then it likely isn't an issue, some people are just "lone wolves" in life that don't feel the need to be constantly socializing and posting your every second of life on facebook.
I also am pretty anti social and looked at it as something wrong, though my therapist asked if I actually enjoyed the isolated, and in a way I do. He said then it likely isn't an issue, some people are just "lone wolves" in life that don't feel the need to be constantly socializing and posting your every second of life on facebook.
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