Trying again - New UK Member
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 2
Welcome Tony.
Despair. I can't count the times I saw my wife (now EX-wife), in tears because of my drinking. But I still would'nt stop, or at least slow down. She was a good woman,and I burned her soul. Regret. Guilt. all of the negative emotions are eating me alive. i'm nearly SIXTY years old, and have basically wasted my life.
And still I drink.............
Despair. I can't count the times I saw my wife (now EX-wife), in tears because of my drinking. But I still would'nt stop, or at least slow down. She was a good woman,and I burned her soul. Regret. Guilt. all of the negative emotions are eating me alive. i'm nearly SIXTY years old, and have basically wasted my life.
And still I drink.............
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Tony - That's wonderful news. 
I'm glad you made it through without drinking. I gained strength every time I got over one of those hurdles. They got easier as time went on.
Michaelrelapse - We're glad you're here. I was older too when I quit. You can still get free.
I'm glad you made it through without drinking. I gained strength every time I got over one of those hurdles. They got easier as time went on. Michaelrelapse - We're glad you're here. I was older too when I quit. You can still get free.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Welcome, Tony; so good to read through the posts and see that you have 6 sober days; well done.
Stay close; there are many great people who truly care and want to see you succeed.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. It is (I know) a grueling experience. Sending you a virtual hug.
Stay close; there are many great people who truly care and want to see you succeed.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. It is (I know) a grueling experience. Sending you a virtual hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by michaelrelapse 
Welcome Tony.
Despair. I can't count the times I saw my wife (now EX-wife), in tears because of my drinking. But I still would'nt stop, or at least slow down. She was a good woman,and I burned her soul. Regret. Guilt. all of the negative emotions are eating me alive. i'm nearly SIXTY years old, and have basically wasted my life.
And still I drink.............
Despair. I can't count the times I saw my wife (now EX-wife), in tears because of my drinking. But I still would'nt stop, or at least slow down. She was a good woman,and I burned her soul. Regret. Guilt. all of the negative emotions are eating me alive. i'm nearly SIXTY years old, and have basically wasted my life.
And still I drink.............
Your post is so powerful because it reminds me of Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Future. You offered up your confession (I think?) to show me my own future unless I wise up long term. If this was or wasn't intentional though - that's how I took it. Thank you.
With regards to yourself I hope you begin the road to recovery soon? I'm still not even at baby steps stage yet, but crawling has been interesting. I hope that you join me?
Tony
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Welcome, Tony; so good to read through the posts and see that you have 6 sober days; well done.
Stay close; there are many great people who truly care and want to see you succeed.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. It is (I know) a grueling experience. Sending you a virtual hug.
Stay close; there are many great people who truly care and want to see you succeed.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. It is (I know) a grueling experience. Sending you a virtual hug.
If I'm reading your post correctly you also lost a child? Im exceptionally sorry you know how I feel (is all that I need to say) as you'll know exactly what I mean when I write that.
Massive virtual hug back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Looking back on my first post this morning. It's sobering even when sober.
I'm on 10 days now. I come in here first thing in the morning - and start posting as soon as I get back from work if I'm feeling even the tiniest bit tempted.
Thank you SR - You've really been a help.
I feel so, so, so much better.
Tony.
I'm on 10 days now. I come in here first thing in the morning - and start posting as soon as I get back from work if I'm feeling even the tiniest bit tempted.
Thank you SR - You've really been a help.
I feel so, so, so much better.
Tony.
LoveHateMerlot
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 68
I really wanted to pick up the wine tonight, it took everything inside of me to not go there. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your horrible loss, from the bottom of my heart. I also want to say that your post is so inspirational, to all of us who have those thoughts, "Yeah, I can do moderation." Then right back to the nightly bottles :-(
Glad to see you here! xoxoxoxxo
Glad to see you here! xoxoxoxxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Revisiting this thread I started with my first post as a reminder to myself and a kind of blog - I hope that is ok?
15 days now. Still baby steps. The odd bump in the road to traverse or ride over but feeling so much better. My wife is hopeful and happy too. The last bit means more to me than anything even if it shouldn't.
Tony
15 days now. Still baby steps. The odd bump in the road to traverse or ride over but feeling so much better. My wife is hopeful and happy too. The last bit means more to me than anything even if it shouldn't.
Tony
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
A little self indulgent perhaps, but it is interesting to read my first post and thread on SR and think 'that was only 20 days ago' (Day 2 of my sobriety was when I joined)....
Without any sense of complacency whatsoever, I cannot say how different, settled, healthy, grateful, positive and energised I feel compared to back then. I feel like I'm human again.
21 days sober now and I encourage anyone reading that wants to start TODAY to do so. You'll never regret NOT drinking.
Tony
Without any sense of complacency whatsoever, I cannot say how different, settled, healthy, grateful, positive and energised I feel compared to back then. I feel like I'm human again.
21 days sober now and I encourage anyone reading that wants to start TODAY to do so. You'll never regret NOT drinking.
Tony
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 294
Originally Posted by sunshine72
JustTony my heart goes out to you and I teared up when I read that your son died. I have 1 son and I don't know why sometimes I think of what I would do if I lost him. I think because my 13 year cousin committed suicide almost 2 years ago, and they were only 3 weeks apart in age. I think in my head if I have enough sleeping pills on hand to do the job. Then I pray because I don't know why those thoughts would come into my head. If it actually happened I just don't know what I would do. I'm just so sorry for your loss. Time can never heal that kind of a wound. And I understand why you said, screw it, and just drank. I'm so proud of you for coming full circle with this alcohol demon. We have different reasons for why we are here. I'm just really hurting for you on the loss of your son no matter how long ago it was, it happened. And I'm so hopeful at the same time that you can get through the pain and learn to live again and it sounds like you have an awesome loving wife that is sticking around for the long haul. I'm rooting for you. All the Best~
I'm in the UK too and am cheering you on. I'm on day 2.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I hope people wont mind the 'bump' but I wanted to read my first thread from March this year.
Five days after my last contribution on this thread (see how positive I was?) I started drinking again for the next 5 months solid. That was Day 26 when I relapsed.
Seeing how I'm only on Day 23 on this 'attempt' it is a sobering reminder to me how close I could be to re-entering the madness.
This time I'll reach out if I even consider drinking alcohol is a possibility.
Regards,
Tony
Five days after my last contribution on this thread (see how positive I was?) I started drinking again for the next 5 months solid. That was Day 26 when I relapsed.
Seeing how I'm only on Day 23 on this 'attempt' it is a sobering reminder to me how close I could be to re-entering the madness.
This time I'll reach out if I even consider drinking alcohol is a possibility.
Regards,
Tony
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi JT
I have relapsed plenty of times in the past. For me its important for me to 'step up my game' when I come to anniversaries. Both important sober milestones and big relapse milestones. Don't know why, just do. I have times of year that I'm more likely to relapse as well (spring/summer for me).
Its a brain game for sure but when I make it thro tough times, my ole addicted brain learns that 'hey, I can do this sober'.
I have relapsed plenty of times in the past. For me its important for me to 'step up my game' when I come to anniversaries. Both important sober milestones and big relapse milestones. Don't know why, just do. I have times of year that I'm more likely to relapse as well (spring/summer for me).
Its a brain game for sure but when I make it thro tough times, my ole addicted brain learns that 'hey, I can do this sober'.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
Hi JT
I've just read your original post from March, I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your son. I can totally understand drinking to block things out, and for some people that works then they go back to "normal" ....but for those of us on here that just isn't possible as you know.
You are doing amazingly well, keep going!
JJ
I've just read your original post from March, I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your son. I can totally understand drinking to block things out, and for some people that works then they go back to "normal" ....but for those of us on here that just isn't possible as you know.
You are doing amazingly well, keep going!
JJ
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by JustTony
I hope people wont mind the 'bump' but I wanted to read my first thread from March this year.
Five days after my last contribution on this thread (see how positive I was?) I started drinking again for the next 5 months solid. That was Day 26 when I relapsed.
Seeing how I'm only on Day 23 on this 'attempt' it is a sobering reminder to me how close I could be to re-entering the madness.
This time I'll reach out if I even consider drinking alcohol is a possibility.
Regards,
Tony
Five days after my last contribution on this thread (see how positive I was?) I started drinking again for the next 5 months solid. That was Day 26 when I relapsed.
Seeing how I'm only on Day 23 on this 'attempt' it is a sobering reminder to me how close I could be to re-entering the madness.
This time I'll reach out if I even consider drinking alcohol is a possibility.
Regards,
Tony
Great work on the 23 days. As you know, the first few weeks or even months can be hard on some people.
I made it a point to contribute to this site daily as it helps me to stay centered in my sobriety. I post the good, the bad and all the in between.
It is good to see you back.
Merry Christmas from the USA!
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Hi Tony,
Welcome back! I just read your OP with tears. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. There are no words really.
I lost 2 people who meant the world to me and my grief led me to rock bottom. SR and the good people here saved my life.
If you wish to pledge 24 hours at a time, please join us at https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6721331 (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 331)
It's one of my favorite threads and the daily support is incredible. Take care. xx
Welcome back! I just read your OP with tears. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. There are no words really.
I lost 2 people who meant the world to me and my grief led me to rock bottom. SR and the good people here saved my life.
If you wish to pledge 24 hours at a time, please join us at https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6721331 (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 331)
It's one of my favorite threads and the daily support is incredible. Take care. xx
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