Day 1
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I keep wondering if I'm going through another round of emotional swings or if this is the sober emotionally challenged me. No wonder I started medicating with wine. I've built as safe a place as possible for my emotions or heart over the last few years. It has been contained in as non reactive, non participatory, manner as possible. What does that mean? It means I carefully control, and restrain any emotions. Would people think I'm a robot...no! Lol. I can portray normal much better than that. They might think from time to time that I am a reserved person or quiet person, maybe distant at moments, but reality is, I follow my mind not my heart. I would be better off drinking than letting my emotions free. Way too damaging to myself if that happens. I got this! I simply need to continue to get faster and more effective at shutting down those careless feelings. Kindness, self-control, generosity, genuine affection for others, but no access past the good deed and a smile. My kids are the exception.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Thank you Dee for your kind thoughts. I hope so too, but I think the reality is that as long as my circumstances are the same, there will be the same challenges or results. I keep searching for something to create contentment on this earth, but it hasn't worked very well yet. Spiritually, I'm at peace, but the here and now is difficult. I shouldn't complain, God has blessed me in many ways, just not with a hearts bond.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I'm get quicker! Yeah me! Had a foolish emotion moment today, was vunderable, not to drink, well it normally would've lead to few days binging in the past, rather vunderable in heart, BUT I might have been fooled initially, I was smart to keep my naive heart restrained and protected! The illusion was exposed in the end and nothing past simple disappointment happen! Listening to some 80s rock and all is well. Even better, I've felt like such a immature teenager around heart issues, but it's getting over it. Simply, I doubt there is a woman out there that could gain access again. The one that still had a thread hooked in, is now cut. Finally free from all those ignorant games. I still am absorbing the complete relief of getting their manipulating fingers out of my emotions. Sorry ladies, not a woman hater! Just completely over it. It's all totally overrated! Lonely is absolutely joyous! Maybe I'll get dog! Lol
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 504
Originally Posted by SimplyFree 
3 months....Thank you all for your support. This was a wishful dream for several years......I knew I couldn't do it myself. But I needed to be SimplyFree.
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