HELP- Oxycodone Relapse 3+weeks clean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Oxcodone Relapse
Hi, I'm new here but been lurking like many others and finally decided it was time to register and look for help.
In short, I've abused pain pills, mainly oxycodone for about 4 years. Been steady on 120mg/day for the last year or two.
I decided to quit C/T and have/had just over 3 weeks clean. Until today.
Obviously over the major withdrawals but I have been very fatigued, unmotivated, and feeling empty. I'm at work now, and caved and took 7.5mg of oxy from exhaustion from all of this. I work in sales so it's very difficult to do my job when I'm so lethargic. I've managed to push through but fell today. I do not plan on using again but very upset with myself and wondering how far this set me back? This is so dissapointing. I am scared to death about how I'll feel tomorrow when waking for work or how far back this set me. Its already been hard enough getting out of bed. Am I going to feel like death tomorrow from relapsing from this small amount?
I called my insurance and got a list of therapists/councelors in my area because I realize I can't do this alone. I wanted to keep this short but willing to share any wanted details. I'm also open to N/A but my work hours are all over the place and I can't make it to the same place at the same time each day as some days I work an early shift and other a late shift.
Please give me some advice and what to expect after today. Thank you so much for your help.
In short, I've abused pain pills, mainly oxycodone for about 4 years. Been steady on 120mg/day for the last year or two.
I decided to quit C/T and have/had just over 3 weeks clean. Until today.
Obviously over the major withdrawals but I have been very fatigued, unmotivated, and feeling empty. I'm at work now, and caved and took 7.5mg of oxy from exhaustion from all of this. I work in sales so it's very difficult to do my job when I'm so lethargic. I've managed to push through but fell today. I do not plan on using again but very upset with myself and wondering how far this set me back? This is so dissapointing. I am scared to death about how I'll feel tomorrow when waking for work or how far back this set me. Its already been hard enough getting out of bed. Am I going to feel like death tomorrow from relapsing from this small amount?
I called my insurance and got a list of therapists/councelors in my area because I realize I can't do this alone. I wanted to keep this short but willing to share any wanted details. I'm also open to N/A but my work hours are all over the place and I can't make it to the same place at the same time each day as some days I work an early shift and other a late shift.
Please give me some advice and what to expect after today. Thank you so much for your help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I think a counselor/therapist who specializes in addiction is a huge help to folks. It depends on the person what is going to be the most helpful. Some people are helped more by "group work" and peer support. Some people do better with a one to one situation.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007 
I think and counselor/therapist who specializes in addiction is a huge help to folks. It depends on the person what is going to be the most helpful. Some people are helped more by "group work" and peer support. Some people do better with a one to one situation.
Thank you for your reply. Do you have any experience with opiate addiction? Do you know how far back I set myself from this 1 time relapse? Am I starting this whole process over? God I hope not.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Good for you for getting 3 weeks free of Oxycodone. I'm sorry you relapsed, but it sounds like you're ready to get back working at recovery. I don't know how you will feel tomorrow, but try not to imagine the worst. Planning to see a therapist could be very helpful in your recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Anna
Good for you for getting 3 weeks free of Oxycodone. I'm sorry you relapsed, but it sounds like you're ready to get back working at recovery. I don't know how you will feel tomorrow, but try not to imagine the worst. Planning to see a therapist could be very helpful in your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
For me a small one time relapse set me back more mentally than physically. It woke up the mental obsession and cravings which started me on another cycle and downward spiral. Allowed me to justify just once more again and again. It doesnt have to be that way. You dont have to do this alone. Reach out for more support. Take advantage of any and all avenues of support. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
As far as meetings go, you can call your local NA/AA number (go to AA.org) and they can help you find meetings, depending on where you live there are likely several you could go to. You don't have to sign up or make any commitments, you don't even have to say anything at meetings if you don't want to. No need to suffer alone, and they get it. Someone (of your same gender) may even volunteer to meet you at one if that's something you might find agreeable.
Hang out here with us, too. We're pretty chatty.
Hang out here with us, too. We're pretty chatty.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I'm really glad you joined us FreeMySoul 
It;s good you're being proactive - thats the way to grab something positive from a relapse
You'll find a lot of support here. This site was a gamechanger for me - hope it will be for you too
It;s good you're being proactive - thats the way to grab something positive from a relapse
You'll find a lot of support here. This site was a gamechanger for me - hope it will be for you too
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Hey everyone,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I genuinely appreciate it.
I am feeling pretty down about my relapse yesterday but surprisingly don't feel too bad physically. I still feel like an empty shell with little positive emotions or joy along with fatigue.
I am determined to stay in the straight and narrow but in hopes that I start getting some energy, joy, and feeling like myself again. Same story you've probably heard a million times. This is one bumpy road and by far the hardest task I've ever had to overcome.
I know we are supposed to "stay positive" during this process...I have to ask what do you guys focus on to think positively? It's hard for me to concentrate on anything other than how I'm feeling, which is not so well. Not horrible like the first week, but just mentally and physically drained.
Again, thank you all.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I genuinely appreciate it.
I am feeling pretty down about my relapse yesterday but surprisingly don't feel too bad physically. I still feel like an empty shell with little positive emotions or joy along with fatigue.
I am determined to stay in the straight and narrow but in hopes that I start getting some energy, joy, and feeling like myself again. Same story you've probably heard a million times. This is one bumpy road and by far the hardest task I've ever had to overcome.
I know we are supposed to "stay positive" during this process...I have to ask what do you guys focus on to think positively? It's hard for me to concentrate on anything other than how I'm feeling, which is not so well. Not horrible like the first week, but just mentally and physically drained.
Again, thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm glad you're here...
What I did to focus on the positive is make a plan to deal with whatever it was that was bothering me. There is a solution to whatever is going on, I just had to find it.
First, food. Home prepared meals, 13 a week. Then one meal out, because I don't do fish and chips at home. I shopped and bought a lot of colorful healthy fresh fruits and vegetables, protein and some fats. I learned to make meals that I had always liked but never took the time to make myself. My versions are better. Food is medicine, it is the key to all healing. Being in charge of my own food is (quite a lot of) time well spent and really fulfilling.
I walked outdoors in parks and at beaches. The beauty of nature takes my breath away and reminds me that I am but a tiny little cog in an enormous ever-changing system.
I went to the zoo to be around the beautiful non-judgemental animals. That's really healing.
I stopped watching TV news and reading gossipy or tragic stories (except here...) I focused on a couple or three Netflix series that were long and mostly positive or at least intriguing enough to keep me engaged. NOT blood and guts stuff.
I read on this site a LOT. It is full of deep wisdom and caring people.
I think there is a lot to be said for self-forgiveness. What's done is done. Like PurpleKnight always says, draw a line under it and move forward. We can start over at any time.
What I did to focus on the positive is make a plan to deal with whatever it was that was bothering me. There is a solution to whatever is going on, I just had to find it.
First, food. Home prepared meals, 13 a week. Then one meal out, because I don't do fish and chips at home. I shopped and bought a lot of colorful healthy fresh fruits and vegetables, protein and some fats. I learned to make meals that I had always liked but never took the time to make myself. My versions are better. Food is medicine, it is the key to all healing. Being in charge of my own food is (quite a lot of) time well spent and really fulfilling.
I walked outdoors in parks and at beaches. The beauty of nature takes my breath away and reminds me that I am but a tiny little cog in an enormous ever-changing system.
I went to the zoo to be around the beautiful non-judgemental animals. That's really healing.
I stopped watching TV news and reading gossipy or tragic stories (except here...) I focused on a couple or three Netflix series that were long and mostly positive or at least intriguing enough to keep me engaged. NOT blood and guts stuff.
I read on this site a LOT. It is full of deep wisdom and caring people.
I think there is a lot to be said for self-forgiveness. What's done is done. Like PurpleKnight always says, draw a line under it and move forward. We can start over at any time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
I also agree with the others. Its the mental obsession that gets woken up and takes a while to calm down once I use. That part drives me nuts. The cravings. You got through the worst part of the detox, now its about how to stay sober.. the feeling like crazy will go on a for some time. But loads of water, healthy food, keep moving. And yes meetings...sponsor, work a program. All of that will help.
Hang in there. Glad you posted.
Hang in there. Glad you posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Day 27
So I've been off consistent oxy use for 27 days. 90-120+mg/day for roughly 4 years.
Relapsed last Tuesday with 7.5mg oxy and felt more regret than relief but it didn't seem to cause any increased withdrawal the following day. Haven't used again. I suppose I feel maybe 2% better each day but I also have mostly bad days. By bad, I mean still feeling empty, no joy, I cannot think of ANYTHING that I would ENJOY doing and my energy and motivation level is just completely pathetic. I've forced walks, a couple sets of push ups here and there but it doesn't seem to help. Obviously I need to do it consistently but I can't seem to do it. My wife has been extremely supportive but I can tell she wants me to start feeling better (alive) as much as I do. I have little desire to talk and feel so defeated by this. Like so many others, I wonder how long I can go on feeling like this and continuing to work. I am just venting at this point, and I'm not sure anyone can give me any advice that I haven't already heard. I never expected to feel this broken after almost a month (aside from the 7.5mg oxy I took 1 day)
Blah blah blarg 8/
Relapsed last Tuesday with 7.5mg oxy and felt more regret than relief but it didn't seem to cause any increased withdrawal the following day. Haven't used again. I suppose I feel maybe 2% better each day but I also have mostly bad days. By bad, I mean still feeling empty, no joy, I cannot think of ANYTHING that I would ENJOY doing and my energy and motivation level is just completely pathetic. I've forced walks, a couple sets of push ups here and there but it doesn't seem to help. Obviously I need to do it consistently but I can't seem to do it. My wife has been extremely supportive but I can tell she wants me to start feeling better (alive) as much as I do. I have little desire to talk and feel so defeated by this. Like so many others, I wonder how long I can go on feeling like this and continuing to work. I am just venting at this point, and I'm not sure anyone can give me any advice that I haven't already heard. I never expected to feel this broken after almost a month (aside from the 7.5mg oxy I took 1 day)
Blah blah blarg 8/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Day27
So I've been off consistent oxy use for 27 days. 90-120+mg/day for roughly 4 years.
Relapsed last Tuesday with 7.5mg oxy and felt more regret than relief but it didn't seem to cause any increased withdrawal the following day. Haven't used again. I suppose I feel maybe 2% better each day but I also have mostly bad days. By bad, I mean still feeling empty, no joy, I cannot think of ANYTHING that I would ENJOY doing and my energy and motivation level is just completely pathetic. I've forced walks, a couple sets of push ups here and there but it doesn't seem to help. Obviously I need to do it consistently but I can't seem to do it. My wife has been extremely supportive but I can tell she wants me to start feeling better (alive) as much as I do. I have little desire to talk and feel so defeated by this. Like so many others, I wonder how long I can go on feeling like this and continuing to work. I am just venting at this point, and I'm not sure anyone can give me any advice that I haven't already heard. I never expected to feel this broken after almost a month (aside from the 7.5mg oxy I took 1 day)
Blah blah blarg 8/
Don't have a primary doc. Should I go to patience first??
Relapsed last Tuesday with 7.5mg oxy and felt more regret than relief but it didn't seem to cause any increased withdrawal the following day. Haven't used again. I suppose I feel maybe 2% better each day but I also have mostly bad days. By bad, I mean still feeling empty, no joy, I cannot think of ANYTHING that I would ENJOY doing and my energy and motivation level is just completely pathetic. I've forced walks, a couple sets of push ups here and there but it doesn't seem to help. Obviously I need to do it consistently but I can't seem to do it. My wife has been extremely supportive but I can tell she wants me to start feeling better (alive) as much as I do. I have little desire to talk and feel so defeated by this. Like so many others, I wonder how long I can go on feeling like this and continuing to work. I am just venting at this point, and I'm not sure anyone can give me any advice that I haven't already heard. I never expected to feel this broken after almost a month (aside from the 7.5mg oxy I took 1 day)
Blah blah blarg 8/
Don't have a primary doc. Should I go to patience first??
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 793
Hi FMS! I am in sales also, and can definitely relate. That is what started my last binge. Huge presentation, and my anxiety/brain told me that I would never get through it. (Even though I have give 100s of them) so I had a few drinks to calm my nerves. Nailed the presentation, so obviously my brain told me that was the answer. 2 days later drinking vodka straight from the bottle in bed. I don't have much experience with oxy, but I am glad you aren't using. I would assume like any addiction, time is the only answer. Sales people are all about instant gratification, and patience is not one of our strong suits. stay with it. And keep posting. Everyone is rooting for you!
stay with it. And keep posting. Everyone is rooting for you!
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