Spartanman

I drank the last two days. I feel like crap now, like I always do after binging. Drank whiskey and beer ... way too much of it. I feel like such a loser because I still haven't gotten it together to quit for good. I quit for five to seven days at a time and then something happens and I go drink. I feel pretty hopeless. I won't drink today. But I have failed so many times I have no confidence that I won't be back here some time next week with another "day one" post, even though I really want to be sober.

I have tried AA and I didn't really connect with it. I have social anxiety and meeting people usually makes me nervous. Maybe I should try it again though. The people were nice and they understand where I am coming from.

InASilentWay

One day at a time is all I can say. Don't be too hard on yourself. Keep posting!

doggonecarl

What do you assume you have to "get together" to quit?

Ghostlight1

Whiskey and beer were my drinks of choice at the end, too.
Whiskey at 9am then adding the beer all day.
If you're a loser then I'm a lose and I haven't drank in over six years.
I don't like the word loser. Even someone who has given up trying isn't a loser. They're a person with a problem.
You haven't given up. Don't.
It took me at least five years of trying before I got to this point.
You can do it, too. Prescient as it is that you say you'll probably be back saying the same thing. You're setting yourself up for failure.
I had , and have to, take it one day at a time. Yesterday I didn't drink. I haven't so far today. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but I'm going to try and not drink.

Don't give up on yourself. You matter. You're not a loser.
I was drunk for twenty years and it took me a long time to stop.
Do what it takes to not drink. Don't take the first one, one day at a time.

tomsteve

the program of aa showed me the social anxiety i had had other names for it- fear and low self esteem.
hadda great solution,too.

Grymt

"something happens and I go drink" - to the best of your ability, can you identify what this 'something' is.

Mattq2

I agree with ghost, I failed so many times. Then one day it stuck. I am not a loser because I never gave up. Neither should you. Your not a loser.

ScottFromWI

I think that would be a great idea.

dwtbd

Quitting for good can 'happen' in about two seconds. You can make a decision to never drink Now, no matter what, even if you want to. Today , right this second, you said you won't drink, and I assume, you are finding yourself able to not put alcohol in your mouth, yes? So it is possible to not drink and still be, yeah?
Take 'I will not drink now' as a mantra , use it think it whenever the part of your thinking starts to entertain the idea of starting to drink again.
'For good' is really just all the Nows we experience added up, you do not have to do them all at once, it isn't a monumental task that needs doing , you only ever have to do the now you are 'in'. You're ok now , yeah? How about this one ?
You can decide to quit for good right now. You have already stopped , decide to never start again now, now.

Mattq2

You can decide to quit for good right now. You have already stopped , decide to never start again now, now.[/QUOTE]

Very good idea!

Delilah1

Hi Spartanman,

It took me a while to finally get sobriety right. I can tell you that at 15 months I feel better physically and mentally than I have in years.

Sounds like you might need to beef up your recovery plan. There are many different paths to recovery, what have you tried?

halfalife

Losers are those that throw in the towel, give up or give in...and you haven't. You are still fighting. That's why you are here as well as the rest of us. Keep fighting for yourself and your life.


** Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910, Theodore Roosevelt

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Dee74

I don;t think you're a loser - that kind of thinking just keeps the door open for more drinking...if you don't think much of yourself who else will?

You need to so something different tho - if you've simply been trying not to drink that's obviously not enough.

A more definite plan could help - some support networks and strategies that you can access when next you want to drink?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

To stay sober I needed to do some things that were uncomfortable.

You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, right?

D

ThatWasTheOldMe

Just commit to 24 hours at a time. "I won't drink today." If you continue to not drink today, then you won't feel like crap tomorrow

Hang in there.

MarkTwain

I'm confident that once you're willing to do anything it takes to stop drinking you'll connect with the AA program just fine.

As far as feeling like a loser and a failure, well, when you do something that causes you to lose or you fail over and over at doing something that is in your own best interest, it's perfectly rational and normal to feel like a loser or a failure.

After all this time, I still feel like a loser when I fail at something repeatedly, but I sure don't drink over it and I can keep a better perspective on the balance sheet between my failures and my successes.

D122y

Spart,

In my experience. ...at 5 to 7 days, the booze is just out of the system...I believe it is not totally out yet. Imo.....it takes a good 10 days or so for the crave to really ramp up.

That is when the mental anguish and hell ramp up. The hellish crave. The paranoia etc.

This anguish and torment last for a few months....off and on.

That is why folks relapse. Over and over.

Sometimes I would curl up on my bed and sob like a baby. It was the only way out for me.

I made it out med free. SR and internet saved me.

Eat when you crave. Sweets trick the brain into thinking it has booze.

Hydrate and do some form of exercise.

Thanks.

Nonsensical

My addiction loved it when I felt this way. I was so easy to manipulate when I felt like a loser. I mean - why wouldn't a loser drink?

My addiction is a liar and a thief. It would have killed me if I let it. I stopped taking advice from a known liar and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

Spartanman

Thanks for all of the wonderful replies, I am really touched to see so much encouragement here. I didn't have access to a computer last night so I apologize for not responding earlier.

Ghostlight, your post really hit me. You're right, I do keep setting myself up for failure and I can't do that anymore. Nonsensical, your post makes sense. Thanks Dee for the links, I do need to study those today and get a more definite plan in place. For today, I am committed to not drinking for 24 hours and will read those links to make a more concrete strategy to prevent any future relapse.

Thanks Matt, Delilah and Halfalife for the support and encouragement.

Grymt and Carl, I will have to sit with your questions for a while to see if I can come up with any answers.

Thanks again everyone and happy Wednesday !

doggonecarl

I'll spare you some time. There isn't any "getting it together" for recovery. This isn't a camping trip. Recovery is a decision, one that is made and committed to. The decision to quit drinking. After that is action, doing whatever you need to support that decision to quit.

Anything you feel has to be done before you quit, to "get it together" or prepare yourself for sobriety is procrastination and an excuse to keep drinking.

Spartanman

Thanks Carl, I appreciate your directness.