Would this be helping or hurting an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
His son and his life are not your responsibility.
Your life and your kids and your safety and theirs ARE your responsibility.
Don't let anyone else (alcoholic or otherwise) - manipulate you and treat you poorly and take advantage of you at your / your family's expense.
It happens that alcoholics are excellent at doing just that and making it out to be YOUR fault.
Keep on defining your boundaries and then stick to them.
From your description - if it were me I'd be giving the clear message that ONCE he's sober and demonstrating sound commitment to his sobriety - then we can talk. Until then, I'd be looking out for my own health, well being and boundaries and taking care of my kids.
Your life and your kids and your safety and theirs ARE your responsibility.
Don't let anyone else (alcoholic or otherwise) - manipulate you and treat you poorly and take advantage of you at your / your family's expense.
It happens that alcoholics are excellent at doing just that and making it out to be YOUR fault.
Keep on defining your boundaries and then stick to them.
From your description - if it were me I'd be giving the clear message that ONCE he's sober and demonstrating sound commitment to his sobriety - then we can talk. Until then, I'd be looking out for my own health, well being and boundaries and taking care of my kids.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I don't know what is the best thing in this situation..
In my opinion, giving rides is one aspect of enabling, meaning he doesn't feel a push to stop drinking because he still has ways of getting what he wants/needs.
In my opinion, giving rides is one aspect of enabling, meaning he doesn't feel a push to stop drinking because he still has ways of getting what he wants/needs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you're going to a meeting. This should help you clear your head from all that gaslighting and blame shifting that he's been doing, and feel stronger in sticking to your boundaries .
I don't know if you've found the Friends and Family area on here yet. If not it's worth having a read around in there, and maybe even double posting your original post there. There are many wise folk over in that area who have walked this path before you who can offer their experience, strength and hope to you.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I hope things look better soon.
BB
PS your husband may even believe that YOU made him drink. This is classic denial. Once we get sober we realise that pretty much everything made us drink. From it being sunny, or snowy, or Saturday, or Friday or Tuesday, our team winning, or losing, being late for something, or early, being flush, or being skint, being in love, or being heartbroken. An alcoholic who still thinks alcohol is any kind of answer to anything will find some reason or another to drink. At the moment you are a convenient excuse. It's bull. You didn't cause him to drink. He just doesn't necessarily understand that while he's still active in his drinking (drunk or sober).
I don't know if you've found the Friends and Family area on here yet. If not it's worth having a read around in there, and maybe even double posting your original post there. There are many wise folk over in that area who have walked this path before you who can offer their experience, strength and hope to you.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I hope things look better soon.
BB
PS your husband may even believe that YOU made him drink. This is classic denial. Once we get sober we realise that pretty much everything made us drink. From it being sunny, or snowy, or Saturday, or Friday or Tuesday, our team winning, or losing, being late for something, or early, being flush, or being skint, being in love, or being heartbroken. An alcoholic who still thinks alcohol is any kind of answer to anything will find some reason or another to drink. At the moment you are a convenient excuse. It's bull. You didn't cause him to drink. He just doesn't necessarily understand that while he's still active in his drinking (drunk or sober).
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