Alan6154

Hello to all,
This is my first post and I am new to the SR forum. I am 102 days sober today. I read other people talk about milestones but I'm not at the take it or leave it stage yet so I try not to put myself in those situations. Or if uncomfortable I leave a bit early, if you're reading this you know the drill. I expected many things after quitting i.e nausea, shakes, anxiety, sleepless, et al. What I didn't expect was my closest friends (Lifelong, more like family) distancing themselves from me. I've read it's because they don't want to look at themselves in the mirror. Maybe true. Anybody else have this experience?

january161992

in AA we celebrate milestones at 30, 60, 90 days, 6,9 mo, 1 year, 18 mo, 2 years etc ...

so heres a chip for ya

big stuff!

neferkamichael

Alan6154, 102 days sober is just FANTASTIC, congratulations. Your dearest friends are going through this change also. Do your best not to let it upset you, they probably don't know how to act. We are all rootin for ya.

BetterIsBetter

Congrats on 102 days. I'm only about 1/5 of the way there but I do realize one thing early on - if someone has a problem with what I put in/don't put in to my body then that's their problem. I started getting upset about this very thing and finally said it's not my problem and I'm not going spend an ounce of energy focusing on other people's unwarranted problems with me.

You're improving your life. If people want to be a part of that, great; if not, you need to move forward. You're not bothering/harming anyone.

I wouldn't even worry about "why" they are acting strange. Are you doing the right thing for yourself without hurting anyone else? Yes? Then their "whys" don't matter one bit.

Anna

You need to continue to focus on your recovery as you've been doing and not worry about what other people think. I know for me, I felt like I changed completely from the inside out. Your friends may accept you or not. That's not something you can control. The thing is that staying sober and in recovery is different than stopping drinking. It's essential for you to find ways to support your recovery and sometimes that involves inviting new people into your life.

sean0621

I think Anna said it best. Focus on figuring out you and learn and grow.

I would just add a couple things.

One thing that may help is face to face meeting with others who have experiences which you may be able to relate to. I have met people in the last 2 years at meetings that I feel much closer to than with friends I have had for 20+ years.

I attracted people that added value to my life and have helped me push myself to new levels of growth in all aspects of life, including: spiritual which is where I was hurting the most. I felt less judged and less weird about not partaking in drinking. I felt like I had a safe place and safe people to be myself around and learned how to have fun in a way that didn't revolve my life around drinking.

Good luck to you, I think you will find a lot of good knowledge on here and out there.

FreeOwl

I can say that my own experience was that when I was drinking... I never really felt comfortable around non-drinkers.

Later I came to understand that it was making me uncomfortable because some part of me knew of my issues with drinking.

In my own recovery, i have seen this happen from others....

Bottom line, focus on YOU and your recovery. Friends and family who care will see the change and will be supportive and caring. Other may not - but those will not be your concern.

Remember, some may be distancing just because they're uncertain how to be supportive or don't want to tempt you. Communicate openly to the people you care most about, and you'll probably find them to be supportive and positive. Sometimes, people just don't quite know what you may need or quite understand what's going on for you. Often, just sharing openly and honestly opens the door for their comfort and you'll find them drawing closer and the awkwardness fading.

keep it up!!

Berrybean

I found that I needed to make the effort to ask people to do non-drinking stuff with me when I'd stopped drinking. And I needed to be ready with a suggestion as to what that might be as well. After all, most of my relationships had ended up being based around alcohol. And I'd been the one who instigated the move away from it as well. Some people were keen to do this, and our relationship has gone from strength to strength. Others turned out to be just booze acquaintances and those relationships fizzled, or became distant. One beautiful thing was rekindling some friendships that my drinking had placed on hold. Those non-drinking or normies, who hadn't wanted to be part of the craziness while I was drinking. And a much closer relationship with my mum, which I never expected.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

STDragon

I had one work friend laugh at me when I told him I quit drinking. He had a hard time accepting it and kept offering me drinks at the last xmas event. I had to raise my voice at him. Just the other day he asked what I was going to drink on my vacation. I reminded him I don't drink and he asked "never again"? Some people just won't understand.

I didn't go telling a bunch of people either, just on a need to know basis to protect my sobrety.

Alan6154

To all of you for the encouragement and the "been there done that" kind of understanding. I'm 50 years old but a rookie to this. I appreciate the wisdom.

Dee74

Welcome Alan - by the end of my drinking the people I hung with were heavy drinkers too.

Removing that element really changed the dynamic - and not always for the better.

In time I gravitated towrds new friends, or old ones I reconnected with where the bond was not a;cohol or drugs.

It's all part of the process

I quit at 40 - today at nearly 50 my adult life has never been better - honestly

D