Broke day on day 44
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 46
Broke day on day 44
So I am back and drinking again, a week ago I had a couple of personal issues flair up and the emotions got big and nasty and I turned to the bottle to escape for the night, which turned straight into daily drinking again.
To be honest, for me it's just so so not worth it, saw someones line on here that 'drinking steals the joy from tomorrow', and that's just how I feel. Seedy and depressed until late arvo and waking up in a funk and already neglecting my exercise, my moods dropped right down and I feel hopeless, gross and depressed.
I am going to get back on the wagon ASAP, I hope I can get back to sobriety this week again and give it another shot, bc I know life on the other side of the bottle is sometimes harder, but in the big picture, I feel it's the most important thing I can do for myself, my family and friends.
I'm over this rollercoaster, need to stay on track, I just want to cry right now.
To be honest, for me it's just so so not worth it, saw someones line on here that 'drinking steals the joy from tomorrow', and that's just how I feel. Seedy and depressed until late arvo and waking up in a funk and already neglecting my exercise, my moods dropped right down and I feel hopeless, gross and depressed.
I am going to get back on the wagon ASAP, I hope I can get back to sobriety this week again and give it another shot, bc I know life on the other side of the bottle is sometimes harder, but in the big picture, I feel it's the most important thing I can do for myself, my family and friends.
I'm over this rollercoaster, need to stay on track, I just want to cry right now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Have yourself a good cry. Let it out. Know that you are not alone and that you can turn this around at any moment. You are deserving of a better life, mental and emotional state. You have the power to make a different decision. We are here for you. We are all working towards and achieving the same goal.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
That is the thing with drinking. It seems like the solution when our emotions are very distressing because the alcohol provides a brief relief from the painful emotions. Unfortunately, there is a huge price to pay later which is what you are currently going through. It's difficult and tricky to stay sober but can be done.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Are you trying to get sober by yourself?
That's hard to do. I was sober for 5 1/2 years and then figured I was cured. I wasn't.
For the next year I tried to get sober again, it was impossible for me to do. I'd get sober for 10 days or 2 weeks and then slip up and be on a 3 day bender. Then I've do it again. And then again.
After a year, I finally gave up. And my wife was about at the end of her rope. So I tried AA. I found I needed a bit of face to face support for awhile.
I'm glad I did. That was the jump start I needed to get me sober again.
That's hard to do. I was sober for 5 1/2 years and then figured I was cured. I wasn't.
For the next year I tried to get sober again, it was impossible for me to do. I'd get sober for 10 days or 2 weeks and then slip up and be on a 3 day bender. Then I've do it again. And then again.
After a year, I finally gave up. And my wife was about at the end of her rope. So I tried AA. I found I needed a bit of face to face support for awhile.
I'm glad I did. That was the jump start I needed to get me sober again.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
I am going to comment on this. There are levels of truth and while this is true there are deeper truths that help to get things into proper perspective.
"the alcohol provides a brief relief from the painful emotions" - alcohol appears to provide relief because it blocks awareness of the pain. The pain actually stays suppressed inside where it multiplies which is exactly why "there is a huge price to pay later".
The pain in the first place, as it has risen into awareness is in fact the solution. The pain is a tool to be used to strengthen the equanimity and that helps to let go of the pain which after all is ephemeral. In other words alcohol serves no purpose whatsoever and it's the addiction to alcohol, the habitual reaction to unpleasant sensations that needs to be broken and that happens by developing the habit of not reacting to the unpleasant sensations and that habit is developed by practicing anapana as taught by the Buddha.
All intoxicants are to be avoided as well as sticking to basic precepts like not stealing, killing, lying, and sexual misconduct.
"the alcohol provides a brief relief from the painful emotions" - alcohol appears to provide relief because it blocks awareness of the pain. The pain actually stays suppressed inside where it multiplies which is exactly why "there is a huge price to pay later".
The pain in the first place, as it has risen into awareness is in fact the solution. The pain is a tool to be used to strengthen the equanimity and that helps to let go of the pain which after all is ephemeral. In other words alcohol serves no purpose whatsoever and it's the addiction to alcohol, the habitual reaction to unpleasant sensations that needs to be broken and that happens by developing the habit of not reacting to the unpleasant sensations and that habit is developed by practicing anapana as taught by the Buddha.
All intoxicants are to be avoided as well as sticking to basic precepts like not stealing, killing, lying, and sexual misconduct.
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