time4change79

I've recently decided on giving up drinking for good because it seems like I just can't have a few drinks anymore. I've always been a drinker, but when I was younger, I could have a few beers/drinks and know when to cut myself off. These days, once I start drinking, I keep going until I'm wasted or my wife gets angry at me. I've also started experiencing what I would consider withdrawal effects like night sweats and anxiety after a couple days of heavy drinking. I've been a party-animal my whole life, and have never felt these effects until the last couple years.

Another thing that I've been doing the last couple years that I never did before is drinking the next morning after a heavy night of drinking, which typically results in an entire day of drinking/wasted day.

Is this common? Has anyone else experienced this, or is it unusual to develop a drinking problem later in life. I was always under the impression that alcohol addiction is something one is born with and not something you can develop in your 30's the way I seem to have.

Also, for the record, I have had no changes in my mental health and am an otherwise happy person with a good life. I say this because I would assume the first question anyone would ask someone like me is if they were depressed or super stressed out, which I am not.

FreeOwl

it becomes stronger as you become more addicted.

the longer you live in active alcoholic dependence and then active alcoholic drinking, the more it progresses.

Looking back - I was a pretty heavy binge-drinker in my 20's but I also kept it together a lot. I was a pretty heavy regular drinker and a frequent super heavy binge drinker and drugger in my 30's and I kept it together a lot less. I was a full-on daily heavy drinker and often a 'one-long-binge-after-another' binge drinker by my late 30's and when I hit my 40's I was well on my way to rock bottom.

Thankfully, gratefully, joyfully.... at 44 I'm now working on my 4th year of sobriety.

And it's not getting any worse.

In fact, it's just getting better and better and better and better and....

HTown

I think it is the cumulative effects over time of a life of drinking. It is a slippery slope between party animal and addicted animal. If your wife is angry, and alcohol is causing you problems, where the line is doe not really matter. Addicted or just heavy drinker. whatever you name it, it is problem drinking. Moderation for me did not work. I quit drinking a year ago. Best thing I ever did.

biminiblue

There is an invisible line that gets crossed between drinker and alcoholic.

I quit this time when I realized I was drinking daily even though it wasn't a lot, and then it became *sometimes* a binge of 12 or so, then it was, "Hey, a drink will take the edge off." I also had 3AM terrors like you describe - that is withdrawal. The first time I drank in the morning to take that edge off was a surprise even to me. The more I drank the more I needed/wanted. I wanted to keep the party going. That's alcohol dependence. Withdrawal, reapplication, increasing amounts and inability to cut back without physical consequences.

I don't think age has much to do with it, it is repeatedly applying alcohol over a period of time. Some people get tripped up quickly and some slowly, but eventually it's going to spell trouble. I got that way in my twenties, quit drinking from my mid-thirties to my early fifties, then got into the same trouble after a few years when I started to drink again. It's that, "First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man."

It's a lot better on the sober side and nothing bad ever happens any more as a result of my drinking. No more 3AM terror. I hope you will join us.

time4change79

I think that I have no choice but to join you. The pleasure that alcohol gives me isn't worth it these days. I can't drink in moderation anymore for some reason, which results in anxiety and guilt almost every time I get wasted.

The thing that sucks is that alcohol has been the center of entertainment for me since I was in HS. My wife and I went to a show the other night and she asked me if I had to drink, and I said "yes, because I wouldn't enjoy something like a concert sober. I would get bored. " I think there are just certain activities and certain friends that I'm going to have to say good by to. While this will be hard, the reward will be worth it. I'm ready to do this, I just need to quit lying to myself that I can drink in moderation.

I'm not a religious guy, so the whole god thing isn't going to help me. What are some good tactics for a guy like me to stay sober? I think if I can make it for 6 months, I can stay sober forever. Years ago, I quit tobacco and never looked back, so I know I can do this.

ljc267

For me this is 100% true, I was always a drinker and it never negatively effected me for years. Then about 4 years ago it started too. It got worse and worse, Nothing I did (cutting back or moderating) worked. I went from a heavy drinker to an alcoholic and there was nothing I could do to make it go back to what it used to be and there never will be.

biminiblue

There are a lot of great ideas here on this site.

Check out the Secular Connections forum:

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

There are a lot of daily or ongoing threads that are helpful too. In Newcomers there is the Class of March - people who all choose to quit this month:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-two.html

I'm in Weekenders every week, it's light and serious at the same time:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-26-march.html

Just don't pick up a drink today. Go to bed sober. When you feel a need to pick up a drink instead log in here, read and post - there are great ideas at the top of the Alcoholism and Newcomers' forums - read the "sticky" threads at the top of each forum. We all have to find what works for us. There is plenty here to keep busy and thinking. A lot of wisdom and support on this site.

You can do it.

zerothehero

I found the feeling of boredom when sober is because the body/brain/mind has not yet recovered from the alcohol. In early sobriety it is not uncommon to feel bored even when highly stimulated like at a show. I went to shows for decades and was almost always drinking and/or high. I've been sober several years now, and I can tell you that shows are just as if not more interesting and fun sober - once you get used to it. Even psychedelic bands or electronic stuff like Tipper or Shpongle are great clean and sober, and at festivals I find I have more stamina over the long term because I wake up refreshed each morning and ready to go. If you love live music you will eventually realize the alcohol is not necessary, but if you were really only at shows to party then, yes, maybe music isn't your thing.

shauninspain

Certainly my experience was that the older I got/longer I had been drinking the more severe the effects of drinking became, and the more insane I became when under the influence. Was a time when I didn't get withdrawal symptoms, then I began to. Didn't get in trouble with the police, then I started to. Could work whilst drinking, then that became impossible.

In fact even if I went 12 months without a drink; when I began to drink again, the illness, disease, call it what you will, had progressed whilst I had been remaining sober. In the last 3 years I got no positives from drinking at all other than perhaps a brief hour when the effects of booze began making themselves felt. After that it was just a feeling of having been hit over the head with a baseball bat until I managed to sober up!

biminiblue

Also, you don't have to say goodbye permanently to activities that you like. It does help to limit exposure to alcohol in early days, but that isn't forever. I can be around it now without a problem.

I had to let go of some relationships that were based on alcohol, for sure. They were pretty dysfunctional anyway.

Aellyce

I developed alcoholism in my early 30's and got sober at 39 (with a relatively brief one relapse two years later). I did not have a problem with alcohol earlier, I drank recreationally but not often at all. Also, I have never been a party animal, I partied quite a bit in my teens for a few years but, in contrast to many young people, I mostly lost interest when I was about 18 and started college. I did go to parties and then drank quite a lot sometimes but even compared with my peers at the time, it was rather modest. I was much more into studying and developing my career in my 20's. My alcoholism developed pretty much on my own when I started drinking at home alone in my 30's and I remained mostly (towards the end exclusively) a solo drinker. I'm also a bit of a loner type of person, so this pattern was not surprising.

The drinking and its consequences definitely got progressively worse over an about 8-year period of time. Not sure the key element was aging per se, more a habit formation and developing high tolerance to alcohol so I drank more and more and it affected my life (including my physical and mental health) more and more. There is no doubt that alcoholism/addiction is progressive and now I suggest to everyone to seek solutions and quit as soon as possible, because the longer we remain stuck in the cycle the more difficult to get out and also the more destructive the habit.

I think there are many different patterns in how people develop addictions, when it starts, and what finally triggers taking it seriously and trying to recover. If you feel that it's closely linked to social life, that's definitely an area to work on in sobriety. For me, it was actually associated with isolation and escape, which I still need to pay attention to as a sober person.

tursiops999

Good for you for making this choice ... I haven't regretted my choice, life is much better sober.

Regarding activities, my experience was that there were certain activities I avoided for awhile (just a few months in my case). I just needed time to get used to operating sober. After that break, I began to add back things that were still interesting to me. Other things I realized I just didn't care about anymore, and I let those go. In my experience it works itself out over time, but breaking up my routine in the early weeks/months was really helpful.

PS, seconding bimini's suggestions above, you may want to check out the Secular Connections forum -- some good info there on AVRT. Read around --- people on SR have used a variety of approaches to get and stay sober.

time4change79

I feel somewhat bored at concerts even when drinking these days to be honest. I have literally no interest in them sober. It's odd because I'm a musician. I spent most of my early 20's playing in rock bands. It seems strange that I spent so many years learning and practicing an instrument only to just sorta get bored of it one day.

I used to be so into music when I was younger, but now it's just not my thing I guess. Once in a while I'll hear an old song that will inspire me to drag my guitars out and play around for 20 minutes or so, but that's about as far as it ever goes. It's always weird when I go to one of my old musician buddies shows and see how into that lifestyle they still are. I know guys that at 40, music is still their life. I started really getting bored of music (especially new music) at around 30. These days I'm really into riding my bike, fishing and shooting; however, I'm not into anything like they way I was into music or sports when I was younger.

Mizzuno

I experienced a progression in my drinking as I got older. The bottle of wine was going down way too quickly and there was never enough. When I drink, I drink. There is no stopping until I cant function. It was not always this way. It is true that alcoholism progresses and it does get worse as time passes. My last drinking binge resulted in a blackout, severe sweats, crippling anxiety, no sleep and an overall feeling that I was going to die. I had never experienced this in my life and I plan to never experience this again. This is coming from someone who has been on and off with drinking for years. Lessons learned in an extreme fashion.

You can benefit greatly from the stories on here and not have to learn them the hard way, like I did.
We are here for you. Rooting for you. Make the best decision you can today.

August252015

Sounds like you are facing the point so many of us do. Good for you putting into words- braving to share here- what's going on with you.

For me, the longer I drank the "worse" everything got- and I mean everything. Physical, mental, emotional....it is a truism that alcoholism is called a progressive disease. Stopping completely was my only choice, or I was told I had about a year, 18 mo if I kept on the way I was- that was last Feb. I was 39. I went cold turkey and I am a dedicated AA-er. My comment there would not to let the "God thing" throw you off- whatever program you ultimately decide on- and those of us who are staying sober would likely tell you that an active program is key, whatever it may be- and give AA a legit shot.

Everything in my life is better sober- and I have found that a lot of the things I used to drink to "endure" and not be bored....aren't boring, or I find other things so enjoyable. Life is real and vibrant and I would choose sobriety every day. I do.

Good luck.

Dee74

Some good advice here

Alcohol became my definition of fun...by the end I did eveythign with a beer,.

It was hard to change that but not impossible
I had the will to change and the desire to do whatever it took

The support here helps too.

I quit at 40.
If I'd kept on drinking I doubt I'd be here now.

Instead I'm closing in on 50 and I have a life I couldn't have dreamed of before,.. I love it.

Glad you joined us Time4Change

D

MrMcTell

Yep. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.

My early experience sounds somewhat different to yours because I felt different from other drinkers almost straight away. I was aware even as a teenager that I was of the alcoholic "type." I knew pretty early on that one day I would have to quit.

But certainly, the more I drank over the years the more serious my problems became. I eventually had a serious nervous breakdown of some type that was almost certainly alcohol induced. Panic attacks and generalized anxiety. Looking back this was perhaps when I crossed the line and entered the withdrawal/ intoxication cycle. Difficult to say, but that was when alcohol went from being fun to being "medicine."

From then on, even if I could "moderate," I started to fear running out, or get agitated that someone else was getting more than their share from the bottle. So started hiding drink and drinking alone so I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else's opinion. etc.

A lot of people joke about hangovers getting worse as you get older... I stopped getting what ordinary people would call a hangover in my thirties. I definitely had withdraws instead. The after effects of even a moderate binge now cause several days of anxiety and misery. This definitely is where the urge to drink in the mornings started to come in...

duane1

I was 10 the first time I had a beer and even back then, I drank to get drunk. That was always the way I drank. I never left beer in my glass. Was I an alcoholic back then? No, but after many years of nurturing, I got there. It sounds to me like you are an alcoholic too from the little info you have posted. Make it easy on yourself and quit now. It will get much harder to quit as time goes on. I really haven't lost many friends or lost out on any social activities since I quit. In fact I love going to concerts and don't even notice the alcohol at them any more.
I used AVRT and this site to quit 5 years ago. I highly recommend both.

JoeCree

i believe "addiction" of any form is something that is in our DNA. You are not wrong in assuming this. But what makes you think you "suddenly" developed it in your 30s? Maybe it wasn't until your 30s that you even bothered to realise you were already addicted.

I personally never did drugs - but that is a result of my environment growing up. Had I been exposed to heroin, i probably would have been addicted. Same goes for gambling, etc...

I too smoked, and quit 11 years ago, but still still chew nicorette.

Im coming up on 18 months sober from alcohol. The physical addiction was fairly easy to kick - the mental part is the toughest. One hell of a fight, and just like a real fight if you want to win you gotta train and prepare.

Here at SR this is litterally your training gym. If you want to succeed you stay here. There are many instructors willing to help anytime of day.

I cant emphasize this enough. In the past when i took a break from here, i always slipped. I visit daily. You should consider this too.

Grymt

Even though it took years for me to start binge drinking I believe I was an alcoholic from very early on. The first time I drank I got drunk and blacked out. After that I obsessed about when I could drink again and only the relative difficulty kept it in check. Once at uni all stops were off. I don't know if I ever became an alcoholic. I think I almost always drank alcoholically and simply discovered I was an alcoholic when I first drank. I had learnt about alcoholism and what to do about it (go to AA) at school so when it became too much to try to live and drink I went to AA.