Rachel111

Every time I drink alcohol I completely change as a person and do stupid things I can never forgive myself for. It's come to the point where it's a regular thing for me when I drink, yet I still like to go out with my friends as I don't like missing out. If I keep acting the way I am I'm going to lose someone really important in my life, so I know I need to change myself. Tips on how to get over the past and how to change myself from this day forward would be nice,
Thankyou,
Rachel

Done4today

welcome Rachel,

The longer I stayed sober the more I embraced my past. What is done is done, but the key is to learn from it and not repeat them. Do you have a plan?

MissPerfumado

Rachel, if you are regularly doing things when you drink that are by your own admission stupid and unforgivable, then you really need to sit down and have a long hard think about your relationship with alcohol.

You have asked how to change yourself from this day forward so that (presumably) you can stop doing those things and stop risking the person who is so important to you. The answer seems pretty obvious, right?

A wise person said: When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Alcohol is causing you to do those things, so you know the simplest way to prevent future issues is to stop drinking it.

Is alcohol more important to you than this person? Is "missing out" on going out with your friends and drinking more important to you than this person?

When you have stopped drinking and not doing these things anymore, you can focus on getting over the past. If you don't stop drinking, they will not be only in your past.

It's tough Rachel but I think you know what the answer is, right ...?

Dee74

In case you missed it - my response to your other post:

biminiblue

The thing is, the person I lost was myself.


With sober time I found the "me" I am supposed to be. The me who doesn't do questionable things due to lack of inhibition and judgement. Alcohol made me into someone even I didn't like. Time away from the bottle has brought back my self-esteem and my peace. One day at a time, I get well again. The past is gone and I can't change it, but I can use it as a lesson.

Obsession and alcohol go hand in hand, too. I couldn't slow down my thinking or change it while I was drinking. I hope you'll stop, it will change everything for the better in your life.

libraloo

So very true. Alcohol makes you loose who you are. I became someone I don't recognize or even like very much. It will probably take forever to find the person that existed before alcohol took control. Definitely twisted my thinking and emotions.

Berrybean

I tried all kind of things to try to get rid of the unpleasant consequences of my drinking while still indulging myself in what I wanted. Thing is, I didn't want to stop drinking. I just wanted to find a way of getting away with it. Of becoming a normal drinker. It just meant a prolonged wrestle with my own will, dragging out the shame and self-hatred. Now I feel blessed that I recognised my own insanity (insanity: keeping on doing the same thing and expecting different results), and got desperate enough to do the 'unthinkable', and stop drinking.

I hope you will give yourself a chance at sobriety, recovery and serenity as well.

Wishing you all the best.
BB

August252015

If you mean true change, for me that meant stopping drinking, full stop.

Not easy, but stopping the insanity was the best decision I ever made in countless ways, one being living with a clear conscience and one I can keep making clean quickly as needed by apologizing, etc to others.

Anna

Rachel, I became someone I hated when I drank, too. And, it's hard to let go of the guilt and shame of mistakes and messes you've made while drunk. However, all you can is to learn from the mistakes and move on. Dwelling too long on the past can lead you back to drinking. We do understand how hard this is.

SparkleKitty

Alcohol is mood-altering substance that, by its very nature, slows down the messages your nerves send to the rest of your body, and affects the part of the brain responsible for self-control.

You're asking how to control something that by its nature makes you incapable of controlling it.

The only was to stop doing things when drinking that you are ashamed of later is to not drink in the first place. I don't think that's what you want to hear, but that is the reality of your situation as you describe it.

It's also, in every respect, NOT the end of the world if you give up drinking. Waking up everyday without the shame of not knowing or being able to face what you did the night before? Having and maintaining meaningful and present relationships with other people? Those are the things that make life worth living--NOT the embarrassing and regretful actions of a "fun" night out.

AnvilheadII

there is exactly one solution to assure you never do anything "stupid" while drunk ever again.......quit drinking now. and stay quit. you can't fix the past, but you can change the path of your future.

think hard about what it IS you think you are missing out on. and measure that against your self-respect, and safety.

August252015

How are you doing today, Rachel? It's the weekend- hope you are considering the caring posts we've made...

Aellyce

There was some grieving process involved over opportunities I messed up and that will never come back. For me it came with making better choices in sobriety, not only for myself but also in my relationships to other people. It does not happen overnight of course but with time and continued effort. It wasn't a linear process for me either but it's important not to get overly fixated on mistakes but try to focus on positive improvements and new possibilities.

Angie247

I despised myself when drinking and afterwards for a time. The more time sober I have in, I am learning to like myself again and it's a wonderful feeling. Having support was key for me, and this website has been amazing in my recovery.