quietwaters72

I have been sober for 2 months now. I feel more confident and less stressed, more grateful. But one thing has got worse: my tolerance level and patience has worsen greatly. I've basically lost most of my friends but still live with the same flatmate who was also part of my social circle. They all go on benders on the weekend and come back home often with others I know, completely wasted, spilling wine everywhere, eating and spilling curry sauces and ketchup on my lounge. Generally leaving a mess behind and passing out on the lounge so I can't even sit on it to watch tv. Apparently I've earn the nickname of the "Kremlin", which to me sounds kind of derogatory. Right now, that flatmate is comatose on the lounge and snoring so loud I have to crank up that tv volume quite loud. It's like sunday 6:30 pm for god sake.It's infuriating. I'm quite sick of this, I definitely don't need this in my life. I think it might be time for a sea change. i'm 44 years old, I'm too old for that s...

Dee74

There's really two sides to this I think.

One is the absolute lack of patience I had for drunken tomfoolery.
I think I was looking at others and seeing myself a lot tho.

I was also pretty irritable and quick to anger in the early months it got better with time tho. I found a serenity thats lasted

The other side tho, is drunken people really can be jerks, with no sense of responsibility or thought for others and they will strike back, not with reasoned communication but high school level passive aggressive nicknames.

That's probably something most people would find hard to live with, not just reformed alcoholics.

I think at 44 I'd be too old to share houses with party animals too.

Looking to move?

D

PhoenixJ

Like what Dee said.

D122y

Quiet,

I agree that you are too old for that sort of shnizzle.

Imo....first off....2 months clean is amazing. You are physically clean. Free and clear of booze...Physically.

In my experience...Mentally though....I was a mess at 2 months clean. It took me over a year to settle down. I was paranoid and jumpy. The world moved too fast for me. I probably could have also described my paranoia as.......intolerance.

I know they are different, but just throwing it out there.

However, drunks are drunks. Trashing your kit is definitely worthy of you getting upset.

Drunks are a selfish bunch. They...in your case...don't see that there is a problem...or don't care. Name calling is on a level just before physical confrontation. Just so you know.

I imagine moving out is difficult, but i would find me some new..non drinking....folks to live w.

I am sure there are adds on Craigslist. Non drinking folks tend to be much more even keeled.

Thanks.

quietwaters72

Thank you, I definitely think it is time to move. In fact I'm gonna get on to it this coming week. I hope with time my patience improves! In the meanwhile, I might have to go live in a light house, with my 2 siamese cats, in peace and tranquility.

MissPerfumado

Dude, come on. This would try anyone's patience. Get your own place, even if it's nothing flash. Even if it's a freaking shoebox.

There's quite a spectrum between the lighthouse and having wine-spilling, curry-eating, couch-invading specimens regularly cramp your style. Get the heck out of there, take your lounge and TV with you, and build a great sober life.

biminiblue

There is a lot to be said for only cats as housemates. I've lived alone most of my adult life. Roommates are difficult, and drinking ones are impossible. I hope you find your peace.

Congrats on 60 days! That's a miracle right there.

PhoenixJ

the Kremlin is a soild structure that houses centuries of Russian Culture and art, btw.

Mattq2

great job on two months.

I would find it difficult to stay sober under those conditions. I would either move out or confront the situation head on and see if it could be changed.

I'm older then you and I just don't need friends like that.

Big part of my sober plan was to get rid of people like that pre-day one. So far it's worked

FreeOwl

Move out.

That sounds like an awful living situation.

Anyone with a sober, sane, rational, grown-up mind would find that an intolerable environment.

In sobriety, we change a lot of things.... all for the better.

August252015

What Dee said.

Also....great job on 2 months- keep going! Are you working a program? I know I too was irritable and jumpy and all kinds of stuff at points during the first few months....my AA program has helped with all that among so many other things.

Everything is better sober. For me, that includes the increasing ability to make clear headed decisions and have better control over my reactions to situations, especially ones I can't control (which are most) and those that are upsetting.

Keep going! Solutions are there for the problems life brings us, as long as we stay sober.

hellrzr

Are you in AA or another program? AA will help you learn how to deal with situations like this and many, many more.

Mizzuno

If I were in your shoes, I would be searching for a new environment to live in. There is no reason to stay in a situation that does not fit your life any longer.

Changes123

you just described my life from age 19-23, it was called college. At 44 you don't need it. You also don't need friends that don't respect you're decisions and choose to call you hurtful nicknames instead of trying to understand why you chose sobriety.

bluedog97

I remember when I used to act like this in my younger days. Being drunk seems to basically be an outright de facto license to be disrespectful and passive-aggressive. I wouldn't expect them to change. They will change you before you change them.

I'd move stat.

MarkTwain

There is no reason for you to have patience with drunks.

Everything coming out of a drunk's mouth and nearly everything they do is total BS.

Have patience and love for yourself, and take your lack of patience for drunks as a good sign in your recovery.

teatreeoil007

Atmosphere is highly important-it affects everything.

quietwaters72

Moving out on the 20th of April, lease signed, removalist booked, nice place for me and my 2 siamese cats! Oh bring on the peace and serenity 👍🏼.

Dee74

good stuff!

D

MarkTwain

Now.................you do realize you can't drink in your new place either, right?

Just checking.