sweetichick

I need to give up the alcohol and smoking and can't seem to do either. What is wrong with me. Do I just lack willpower or do I harbour a death wish. Going mental with worry

SparkleKitty

Maybe it takes more than just willpower? Most people can't make big changes without a plan and support from people who understand and have experience making those changes themselves.

i am from the Friends & Family side, so I have more experience with relationship addiction than drinking. But I couldn't move into recovery from codependence by myself just by hoping things would be different next time, by hoping *I* would be different next time. I needed to actually make different decisions and changes to the way I'd always done things. And honestly, it wasn't until I moved into recovery from codependency that I was able to let go of smoking.

You're not "mental", you're caught up in something bigger than you. Time to reach out for all the the help you can find.

Sending you strength and courage to try something new, and hugs to let you know you're not alone and you're worth what it takes to recover.

sweetichick

Thanks I needed to hear that

least

It took me many tries before I finally came to the point of wanting to be sober more than I wanted to drink. And I'm sober to this day.

sweetichick

I feel like I have no life sober except my ex. My kids want nothing to do with me. I have bipolar and joined a club and none of them could even cook or clean their house. So I ditched them. There is no hope in my life. My ex is all that keeps me going and doesn't believe in mental illness. I am a nervous wreck. Got Valium but don't want to abuse it.

Forward12

Try attending regular therapy and AA meetings. Having alcoholism and mental issues is difficult, but you can make things better. You just have to put your foot down and hit the ground running.

SparkleKitty

Building a sober life will take time. Regaining trust from your kids will take time. But none of that can begin until you decide to do whatever you have to do to quit drinking.

And everything you've written about your ex in the past makes it sound like a good thing that he is an ex. Perhaps maintaining contact with him is holding you back from moving on with your recovery?

MissPerfumado

It sounds like you are looking outside of yourself for validation of your life. What about you...?

From what you have written previously, your ex sounds abusive. But you now say he is all that keeps you going ...? Is he giving you hope? What does that hope look like?

Hope is actually an attitude of mind. It is you who chooses hope. Hope given to you by someone else is merely borrowed, and then you become dependent on that person to keep giving it to you. When hope comes from inside of you, no-one can take it away from you. That kind of hope breaks down every wall of fear. That kind of hope gets people through all kinds of experiences. And that kind of hope is within you. All you need to do is choose it.

sweetichick

I guess it's because he is my only f2f contact most days. And he is still abusive. One night I cried the whole night because he was so horrible and I'm not a crier normally. I have locked him out for the day. Hopefully that gives me some chance of staying sober. We do need to find hope within. I'll have to work on that one.

MsCooterBrown

I would work on no contact with him. No one needs that kind of f2f connection. You will be better off alone to work on yourself.

Dee74

Putting the bottle down as stage one. Building a life I was happy in was stage two.

You can't get to stage two without going through stage one.

I reckon if you can get out to buy booze you can get to some kind of meeting AA SMART whatever, sweetichick.

when you're in a deep hole you grab onto any rope offered.

D

Mizzuno

What about talking to a professional? It seems with the disorder and the substance abuse you may benefit from a qualified individual.

sweetichick

I talk to my psychiatrist but only see him once a month. I guess if I can get out to buy booze I could manage a meeting. Open to any sort of help at this stage. Even my parents have started helping again. Maybe a psychologist might help. I already do mindfulness and deep breathing. I think I am just stuck in a rut with my ex running bthe show. Got no self esteem. Can barely even look in the mirror. Feel so fat and ugly

Dee74

I think no contract with the ex would be a step forward - excising that negative influence might help you with getting the ball rolling on some of the other things too?

Done4today

Sweetichick, as dee said get yourself to a recovery meeting. I would suggest a closed women's meeting. There you will help and support f2f. Also, maybe check into a detox/rehab facility. You need the booze out of you before anything else can progress. Good luck and many prayers

soberlicious

I agree with others who suggest the ex is likely holding you back. Getting away from his negative energy will give you space to gain your strength and quit drinking. Never give up. You can do this, sweetichick.

ps. Please do not take Valium while drinking.

Berrybean

1. Identify the problem (check)

2. Start to live in the solution..........

You've mentioned a number of problems in this thread, which jump out at me. Do they jump out at you though? Isolation seems to be a major one. Negative relationships which you're not quite ready to let go of may be another. And yes, the physical stuff isn't helping, weight, diet, etc. can all play a part in our demise or our recovery depending on what we're willing to do.

Why not try, for today, to stop allowing yourself to dwell on your ex. If your mind drifts there, nudge it gently off and onto something else. Instead, you could focus on making a new and improved recovery plan. Dee's thread is a good place to start... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

A meeting could also be a step in the right direction.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

shauninspain

In those hours and minutes BEFORE picking up a drink, when your mind is telling you that THIS TIME you will control it, and you will control your intake understand that you NEVER will, if you are an alcoholic. You may be successful for a day or two, as I used to be. But INVARIABLY on the 3rd or 4th day, it will spiral out of control and you WILLL end up in serious **** That is a cast iron 100% guarantee.

Until I was able to accept that I COULD NEVER DRINK NORMALLY I was always doomed to fail. That continued for 15 years longer than it should have done.

Today, if I do think of drinking, I immediately accept that any attempt to drink socially/acceptably WILL fail. In my experience if you can accept that, you have a very good change of not picking up that 1st drink. It really is the 1st that does all the damage.

libraloo

Do it one day at a time. I'm dealing with alcohol first, the smoking in a few months when I know I'm on the right track

August252015

Perfectly said, Sparklekitty.

I had to stop drinking completely- I chose cold turkey, many don't - and face an uncertain future, pain and discomfort and PAWS and whatever life I would have following that decision (to wit, best life imaginable and I keep having hope for the future) over a certain death by drinking.

A plan was key for me- mine is AA and it is a strong, living, breathing program I work every day. There are other options but I believe most of us who stay sober have plan we work.

You can quit. Good luck.