Panini907

Well it's been a while. Of course I rarely came here after I started my journey. I started my recovery Journey last year in October (Possibly November), but sure enough I didn't listen to anything anyone told me.

Now I'm sitting here wondering what the hell I'm going to do. I started drinking again in December, and the nightly drinking started maybe 6 weeks ago. But now I have to be to work in 12 hours, and am scared I wont be able to sleep. The exact same position I was in last October.

Here I am undergoing monitoring at work, and not a single care is given when it comes to taking that first drink. I don't know what to do at this point. I go to aftercare weekly, get breathalyzers at work a few times a month, and yet I still can't stop myself.

I guess that's just goes to show that I was not being honest with myself whatsoever.

I thought about doing another detox, and starting the process all over again at a treatment center. I'm scared for my career though. I don't know what the repercussions will be. Especially since all documentation shows that everything has been going excellent for me.

I keep telling myself, just taper down from where you were the past couple days, and then you will be good to go. I learned that doesn't work.

Thanks for letting me share.

Dee74

Have you considered things like AA or some other peer based recovery group?

D

Mattq2

Panini,
You learned more about getting sober. You just can't give up. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be to stop. How about starting day one now? You can do it. I know it.

Panini907

I did go to AA for a while, I was required to atleast twice a week.
Then i just started pencil whipping the forms i had to fill out. I'm not the most social guy, so it's hard for me. I have started going the last two weeks though, and actually enjoyed it.

Reminds me of what one of my temporary sponsors said, "well if what you were doing wasn't working, then try something different. Go be social before meetings."

Dee74

I think the key is to do something different yeah - if your plan wasn't enough to keep you sober last time, you need a better plan?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

Panini907

That was my intention, after I left work early because of feeling like **** because of withdrawals. Got home and had two drinks to calm my nerves, and just hung out for the next 12 hours intending not to drink, until i got too anxious.

Now I'm 6 beers deep.

Dee74

I think you have to be prepared to feel some discomfort when you quit.

Trying to drink off the discomfort is actually strengthening your addition and may even be adding to the discomfort you'll feel next time.

If you're really worried about withdrawals why not see a Dr?

D

Panini907

Probably because of my shame to be honest. Thanks for your response.

HTown

Pour out any alcohol you have, 6 beers deep is plenty

FreedomCA

I was saved from the trap you find yourself in when I started reading spiritual literature. It seems you need something greater than yourself to get out of this mess.

Panini907

That power is what I hope to find. I have taken leave again tomorrow, and reported myself to my EAP in hopes to force myself to find it.

I hope to approach my situation with all honesty. I'm in a bad place, and always have been. It's definitely a dark road to take when I have not been honest with myself.

When I look at my life, it is surrounded by addiction. I just hope my career is not jeopardized. I know the small group of people I work with, who I imagine will be forced to work more, will hate me. I hope one day to make amends.

I will accept where I'm at right now, and hope to make a meeting tomorrow.

Incontrol15

Sorry to hear that. But hopeful this is what you needed to make a permanent change.

I'm glad to see you're taking steps. Keep doing that. One foot in front of the other. Even if it's 1" further than the other foot.