Day 11
 

Well, the roller coaster of emotions has returned. Last night I was just so sad and didn't know why. Today I feel better but am still a little down. I've been keeping busy all day with house work and little projects I've been putting off. Lately the only place I feel fine is at work. Going to work is easy, I've been doing this for 15 years. I'm relearning how to feel comfortable in my home life. The past few years I've been medicating my depression and anxiety with a depressant. No wonder I didn't get better. I've fallen into the trap of going to work and coming home and not doing anything else. I long to go out and do things but I just feel paralyzed. Now I'm extra scared to go out because I don't want to be confronted with alcohol. Ugh, sorry for the rambling. I obviously have a lot of things coming to the surface that I need to handle. I probably should seek professional counseling. The last time I tried to find a counselor I called over 10 offices in my area and was told they weren't accepting new patients. The last place I called the woman on the phone was so rude I just got totally discouraged and gave up. Well, one thing at a time so I don't freak out. I'm glad I have this forum for advice and a place to unload my thoughts. Thanks everyone.

Just keep reading and posting, that's what helped me. The 24 hour thread helps me to get the day started and then I go back and read other things. I wish you well.

It does get a lot easier after a few weeks. Hang in there!

Cknopf82, yours is actually a very insightful post.
I've learned what it's like to be "present" in my own home.
I've learned to observe those feelings of inexplicable sadness and to know they will pass.
I hope it will be easy for you to access any counselling you need, if required.
Be gentle with yourself, stay close to SR, much wisdom and support here. :grouphug:

You know this sounds crazy but I did it for a friend once. I mean when people need counselors it's usually not a time in their lives when making a million phone calls works out so well. So I did the dirty work of finding my friend her therapist (actually the secretary in my office who was in a terrible depression at the time). I understand she stopped seeing that one after a year or so and got a new one, but it was helpful for her to just have that place to land easily when it was too hard. I don't know if you have anyone you could ask to do that small but horrendous task?

There are so many things to do out there that don't involve booze! Think about the places you avoided because they didn't have booze. The little restaurants. Bookstores. Movies. Parks. AA meetings! Museums! Roller skating rinks. That's just what flew out of my head now, but check around here because I believe that the mods have a list of things you can do with yourself and others that don't involve booze. I learned how to crochet! And discovered the craft store has classes! The world is actually really cool and booze kind of isn't. Trust me you will see this.

Congrats on Day 11!

welcome