Groundhog Day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Groundhog Day!
Hey everyone 
I've been here before..
Again and again - I bore myself - so hopefully I wont bore any of you!
Since my last attempt at abstinence I relapsed and have been having the odd day off of drinking or even an occasional week!
Which is a miracle as I've been drinking 1 / 2 bottles of wine every day for over a decade.
My "plan" is always to moderate blah blah and of course I cant do it and start drinking every day - then really bingeing at weekends with blackouts, anxiety, bruises and regrets
I've had a rare Mon - Fri of not drinking and of course feel so much better today - no hangover, slept well- the cloudyness has gone and I feel less mental than I normally do, its the weekend and the sun is shining ( which is rare in March in London! )
I would love nothing more than to run out the door after work to the supermarket and get a couple of bottles of wine.
Of course I'm telling myself not to - to go home drink tea distract myself any way I can etc...
But one of the reasons I drink is because I spend the weekend alone - so its so much more entertaining when I can block it all out!
( but we all know that its a vicious circle! )
Urgh - I'm so tired of fighting it!
I isolate myself
Ive lost most of my friends / family because I was always too drunk / hungover to deal with it.
Alcohol keeps me company - like a terrible boyfriend that treats me like **** but I keep going back to.
I dont know how to create healthy habits / hobbies.
I dont like anyone anymore - especially myself.
Ive become bitter and angry and thats why Im alone.
Im not sure what im saying here - just writing it down really.
I hope everyone has good weekend
Xx
I've been here before..
Again and again - I bore myself - so hopefully I wont bore any of you!
Since my last attempt at abstinence I relapsed and have been having the odd day off of drinking or even an occasional week!
Which is a miracle as I've been drinking 1 / 2 bottles of wine every day for over a decade.
My "plan" is always to moderate blah blah and of course I cant do it and start drinking every day - then really bingeing at weekends with blackouts, anxiety, bruises and regrets
I've had a rare Mon - Fri of not drinking and of course feel so much better today - no hangover, slept well- the cloudyness has gone and I feel less mental than I normally do, its the weekend and the sun is shining ( which is rare in March in London! )
I would love nothing more than to run out the door after work to the supermarket and get a couple of bottles of wine.
Of course I'm telling myself not to - to go home drink tea distract myself any way I can etc...
But one of the reasons I drink is because I spend the weekend alone - so its so much more entertaining when I can block it all out!
( but we all know that its a vicious circle! )
Urgh - I'm so tired of fighting it!
I isolate myself
Ive lost most of my friends / family because I was always too drunk / hungover to deal with it.
Alcohol keeps me company - like a terrible boyfriend that treats me like **** but I keep going back to.
I dont know how to create healthy habits / hobbies.
I dont like anyone anymore - especially myself.
Ive become bitter and angry and thats why Im alone.
Im not sure what im saying here - just writing it down really.
I hope everyone has good weekend
Xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi there,
Of course I know exactly what you mean. I've spent many a weekend alone trying to convince myself I was having fun with a bottle of vodka. I would make plans and then be a no-show because I'd get too drunk and embarrassed. it really is a vicious, vicious cycle.
It sounds like you need to change some things that are in your control. Do you go to meetings? I would suggest getting a sponsor that will be tough on you and keep you accountable. You can create a sober network little by little, one step at a time. If isolation is a trigger, avoid it! Even just to to a coffee shop to hang out. You'll feel productive and inspired to keep up other good habits!
I know it's hard. I've relapsed many times... Swore it would never happen again and then walked into the liquor store like I was possessed or something. I think not isolating is very important. I used to sit in my apartment and get so drunk I couldn't even answer my phone :-( but I think you'll find that people are willing to forgive if they see real, genuine, honest change.
You can do it!
Of course I know exactly what you mean. I've spent many a weekend alone trying to convince myself I was having fun with a bottle of vodka. I would make plans and then be a no-show because I'd get too drunk and embarrassed. it really is a vicious, vicious cycle.
It sounds like you need to change some things that are in your control. Do you go to meetings? I would suggest getting a sponsor that will be tough on you and keep you accountable. You can create a sober network little by little, one step at a time. If isolation is a trigger, avoid it! Even just to to a coffee shop to hang out. You'll feel productive and inspired to keep up other good habits!
I know it's hard. I've relapsed many times... Swore it would never happen again and then walked into the liquor store like I was possessed or something. I think not isolating is very important. I used to sit in my apartment and get so drunk I couldn't even answer my phone :-( but I think you'll find that people are willing to forgive if they see real, genuine, honest change.
You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Essex County New Jersey
Posts: 140
Hi Overforty ... Yes I know the Groundhog Day feeling also, the terrible cycle you describe so well in your post above. It's about 7:00 p.m. over there now I believe - do you have some plans for the weekend that don't involve drinking ? Is there something you'd like to do that doesn't involve alcohol tonight ? Sounds like the weekend is a precarious time for you, and it would be a shame to end your sober streak tonight. We're here and rooting for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think if you've been trying to quit on your own and it's not working you need to add more things to your toolbox and the likelihood is you're gonna to have to do things that take you a little out of your comfort zone.
If you want the recovery omelette you're gonna have to break some eggs
If you're sure AA is not your thing there are other groups like SMART recovery or LifeRing - both are pretty active in the UK.
If you really can;t stand the thought of meetings then why not look at Rational Recovery - no meetings at all there.
If nothing else, why not start softly and commit to being a regular poster here for a while - check out the Class of March 2017 Support Thread?
D
If you want the recovery omelette you're gonna have to break some eggs
If you're sure AA is not your thing there are other groups like SMART recovery or LifeRing - both are pretty active in the UK.
If you really can;t stand the thought of meetings then why not look at Rational Recovery - no meetings at all there.
If nothing else, why not start softly and commit to being a regular poster here for a while - check out the Class of March 2017 Support Thread?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
And re: meetings, I'm not like a crazy AA pusher, but I have to tell you that I never in a million years thought I'd have anything in common with AA people. I was scared to death. But they are sooo welcoming and eager to pay it forward. You might surprise yourself if you give it a chance :-)
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