Jaddy21

I think we all have been here before. I know I have once but not to this degree. On this account i made a post in the substance abuse forum over 3 months ago. Every day since I have been in this battle with Tianeptine. The only thing i have managed so far is to work my way down to a version of the drug that doesn't get you high, just makes me feel normal. So ive been struggling to find the correct dose there since there is almost no information on this version of the drug. Because people only care about the one you can abuse. I think im close tho and once i get that i can work my way down and this version is much more forgiving than the other. The withdrawals I was going through off of 5 grams of tianeptine a day were the worst hell I have ever imagined. Its like coming off an insanely powerful ssri and a strong opiate both at the same time. The doctors do nothing except send me to the hospital, the hospital takes my vitals and tells me ill just be a little shaky and wont die and sends me home with no assistance. Rehab isn't an option right now. I will in fact put myself in a homeless situation if i did that. Effectively losing the girl i love who is still supporting me, my job that i have climbed from the bottom to the top too, and my family. This being because i already had one bout in rehab for hydro. With hydro even at 300-400mg a day after 3 days i was up and at it feeling 80%. With this drug i have made it to day 5 before, with 2 hours of sleep and the most intense mental anguish i have ever experienced that i might add had no intent on ending. If you don't believe me that this drug is on another level of withdrawals look up the horror stories. Last night i attempted to go to an NA meeting in town only to find a run down building with the NA sign and letters but no one there. No one answering the phone. Man that beats you down. I think I've just finally been beat down enough to where im throwing up my hands and begging anything to save me. I know i can do this, its just going to be a hard trip. Making the switch to the weak version was a HUGE step. I don't even like the way the other version made me feel anymore. I just want to be normal again.
Thanks for reading guys. I just need some love and support i guess and i needed to vent because my girlfriend is tired of hearing about it and like i said im having issues finding NA near me. Anyways god bless each of you. And i pray your day is better than mine. :P

PhoenixJ

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