lilypad90

So I'm not sure where to start. My name is Virginia I'm 26 years old and I am addicted to cocaine..This is my second time trying to post this thread.I think I spent a good hour writing my life story so I'll keep this one short and quick..

I am just so lost and confused with what happened..my drug of choice has always been opiates. I was struggling with oxy and methadone for almost 6 years..I overcoming that would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do in my entire life..but this...this is a whole other different kind of hell..

It's been almost 10 months sense I started to use cocaine..I was clean for about a month...it seems like it just happened all of a sudden..and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I now use every single day..

I'm currently going on 2 weeks with basically no sleep..I've been sitting in my parents basement killing myself..for hours on end every 15 minutes my mind tells me I need a line.

I don't know how to explain it..I am so damn terrified of what this drug has done to me but I can't stop..This obsession.this horrible obsession I can't seem to get rid of..I know it's killing me..I'm going to die..I have lost so much weight I can see my heart beating..I am hallucinating..paranoid..my chest hurts..my nose is so infected I can feel the septum is basically gone..everything is swollen..

I hope someone reads this..I'm sorry for writing so much and going into detail....there has to be hope. Please help...I can't do this on my own..I need to stop this

Thank you so much..

Grymt

daer lilypad, I don't have experience with those drugs but I do with this website SR, at this time it's often a bit quiet,

Hang on, there will be people resonding.

take care.

Scruffanie

Welcome lily pad,

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. Like Grymt, my drug of choice wasn't cocaine, it was alcohol. But I too came to this forum terrified and lost. I couldn't understand how I got myself to the point of alcoholism and I couldn't go a day without..and I tried.

You are right, it is an obsession but one that can be broken. I had to join a recovery program but I also read here daily and post when I need to.

Is detox an option for you? I know it's confronting to think about but perhaps seeing a doctor who is experienced may be a good idea? A doctor will be able to help you manage symptoms.

Hang in there lily pad, just focus on getting through each hour or minute. You can do it.

Sending you strength xx

lilypad90

Thank you very much guys, just your reply is more than enough.

I'm trying to build up the courage to go...I'm just so embarrassed.

I've known for awhile the only thing that will break this cycle is detox. I did it before for alcohol I'm sure it probably works the same way.

The only thing I'm really struggling with is my parents finding out..they have gone through way to much with me..first it was opiate addiction..then alcohol..now this..I've caused them way too much pain.
Just horrible..

Dee74

Hi and welcome lilypad

My experience doesn't run to cocaine either but there are others around who know what that's like.

Regardless of the drugs we use, I think supports vital and you'll find that here

This is a great place for support and encouragement

D

memilee

Thanks

memilee

Hello

memilee

anybody here?

memilee

please reply...

memilee

I am waiting...

lilypad90

I'm here still

PhoenixJ

lilly and mem- addiction is hell. The quiet desperate loneliness. Well no one of us is alone. Reach out and get help. See a doctor, get detox and rehab organised. The moment you stop being a slave to your choice of addiction is the moment the damage stops. Keep posting and sharing. PJ

Wholesome

I abused cocaine for years. Not everyday but 2-3 times a week. It was bad, we were having a hard time paying the rent even though both my husband (at the time) and I worked full time. Near the end I had started smoking crack a few times when I wasn't able to score coke. Once I had it in my head that I was going to score I would get so excited that my whole body would get all revved up. I finally ended up quitting after one night while high my husband attacked me and beat me up pretty bad.... it was the last time for me and we split up and I quit taking cocaine. That's what it took though, me getting beaten and my marriage ending and starting my life over again alone and scared. It is a terrible drug, ruined my marriage, took all my money, turned me into a fiend. If you need to go into rehab to kick it then do it! The real shame would be continuing to live the way you are. Good luck. And stick around here and keep posting, this place is wonderful source of inspiration and wisdom. xx

Nonsensical

Don't believe everything you think.

Get to a doctor and get to detox. You need more than a website to get this monkey off your back.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

thomas11

Based on how you've described the last two weeks of your life, I would advise swallowing a whole bunch of pride and beg for help. Go to your parents and ask them to take you to the hospital, or call 911. If you need cocaine every 15 minutes, your in deep. You won't be able to quit on your own. Your at risk of your body shutting down and collapsing. Surprised you've made it this long. I wish you the best.

Horn95

Lily,

Don't be embarrassed. Indeed, the most dignified, courageous thing you can do is get help, and get into detox. Do it now. Do it today.

grayghost1965

I work in the ER of our local hospital, and have seen too many, especially your age, come in with ODs or worse, in body bags.

Think back to a time you were clean and ask yourself which condition is better for you.

Believe me, the local ER staff will NOT judge you in anyway for seeking help. More importantly, they will be there to monitor you in case you have physical withdrawals that can be dangerous. A counselor is likely to check on you as well, to look at treatment options.

God Bless you.

WizingUp

I did cocaine like you are explaining, actually may have even given myself a heart attack once. All this while drinking like a fish. One day I woke up and said no more blow for me. I was able to quit the coke cold turkey but am still battling with alcohol. The withdraws for alcohol are quite a bit worse, so if you are able to hold off for a couple of days the physical addiction should be gone. I would feel horrible all day on that crap. Good luck to you, and I am sure your parents will understand if you ask for help. If they have seen you in the past 2 weeks they probably know something is up anyways.

lilypad90

I didn't sleep again last night..I'm going on night 3..whats scaring me is I don't feel any different then last night or the night before...

I went to the ER this morning for my nose, I told the Dr I have been on a week binge. I couldn't build up the courage to say to truth and ask for help, maybe I was being selfish waiting for him to ask if I needed it I guess..I look like I'm wasting away and all he did was look in my nose say I have irritation. do a x-ray because I have swollen lympth nodes under my collarbone.but apparently I'm fine..In my weird state of mind I didn't even question him when I was there...

I've made a Dr's appt for tomorrow..it's my first one in about 10 years..

I don't know..I have to stop tonight I need sleep..I've been eating..taking vitamins and googling every herb home remedy in a desperate effort to try and somehow prevent any the side effects...

I think finding this site has probably saved my life..I have no idea how I'm even putting this hell into words right now..so thank you, hope is looking like its not impossible

Grymt

Good. Please keep doing the right thing for yourself and keep coming back.

Good to hear from you. All the best for you